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Dating people you aren't really that attracted to?

Shudder

By Shudder
in Dating Advice

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Shudder Community Regular

Shudder

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I was just wondering how many of you go (have been) on dates with people you don't really find that attractive? I was at a social gathering this last weekend and there was a girl I was interested who didnt seem too interested back (always the case) but another one couldnt stop talking to me. trouble is I wasn't that attracted to her.. we exchanged numbers regardless.

 

I guess this goes along the same thing as dating people when bored..

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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I usually wasn't really magnetically pulled to the men i have gone out with in my life at the first date in attraction.. BUT there was something about them that pulled me closer. If the girl you are referring to had nothing about her that was interesting or that intrigued you, it might not work out. But i don't see any harm in going out with her to take a second look...

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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I usually wasn't really magnetically pulled to the men i have gone out with in my life at the first date in attraction.. BUT there was something about them that pulled me closer. If the girl you are referring to had nothing about her that was interesting or that intrigued you, it might not work out. But i don't see any harm in going out with her to take a second look...

 

I should state that mentally I was very attracted to him. I had sat next to him in band at a few football games and we always had a riot sitting next to each other. I didn't think about him romantically till he asked me out.

 

The mental attraction was right off the back, the physical attraction took a little growing but once it was there....god, so intense.

 

One of my exes was absolutely gorgeous. Dark brown hair, eerie bright blue eyes, perfect teeth, and delicate facial features. Basically looked like zach efron. However, I never was attracted to him in the way that I am attracted to my bf.

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Sn0man Proficient

Sn0man

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I have gone on dates with people I haven't been overly attracted to. It never goes anywhere in the long run but the way I see it - what if it does? I'd hate to miss an opportunity just because I had the blinders on. Then again, I also feel that attraction is a really important part of a relationship so I won't go on more than one or two dates if i'm not feeling it.

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arwen Grand Master

arwen

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I didn't initially find my bf attractive when we first started dating.

 

Now? HELLZ YES.

 

More or less the same here. I found him cute when me and the other housemate chose him as the new housemate, lived 2 years in the same house with him, we start having dinners together, can't stop talking... and suddenly there was this spark I still feel 3 years later. Not all things happen over night. In rare cases, I know directly if I would NEVER find a given man attractive. Then there are a few very rare men that I find instantly attractive. In between there is a range of men that I'd probably never be attracted to, to men who I could be attracted to based on more than just appearances. I guess my bf fell in the last category (and now in the first, but we are talking about initial attraction).

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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To the women that have replied here, when you say initially you were not attracted to your bf what exactly do you mean? Do you mean you did not feel like kissing him but that changed later on?

 

I find this VERY surprising.

 

I didn't find him physically attractive till like 3 or 4 dates. Then he slowly became more attractive to me. After about 2 months, can't keep my hands off him. It's only grown since then.

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Sn0man Proficient

Sn0man

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I am surprised because it did not happen in my life with the girl I liked

Yes, well women work differently than we do. Men are highly visual creatures - why do you think our culture has developed in such a way that women dress themselves up with fancy clothes and shoes and makeup? It's because they know we respond to visual stimuli.

 

Attraction for women is based on something else. It's not all about looks for them. What women find attractive, I don't know, i'm not a woman. But I do *think* that attraction for them is more biology driven than anything else.

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D_Lish Rookie

D_Lish

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Yes, well women work differently than we do. Men are highly visual creatures - why do you think our culture has developed in such a way that women dress themselves up with fancy clothes and shoes and makeup? It's because they know we respond to visual stimuli.

 

Attraction for women is based on something else. It's not all about looks for them. What women find attractive, I don't know, i'm not a woman. But I do *think* that attraction for them is more biology driven than anything else.

 

Yeah, shame when women have to feel they have to be 'attractive' for a man to notice them. And you are right, for women it is sooo much more than looks.....lucky for you lot eh?

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D_Lish Rookie

D_Lish

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To the women that have replied here, when you say initially you were not attracted to your bf what exactly do you mean? Do you mean you did not feel like kissing him but that changed later on?

 

I find this VERY surprising.

 

People can grow on you. They perhaps have qualities that you find attractive and those qualities can endear you to them.

 

I wasnt attracted to my ex H, but I loved his sense of humour and I found his company to be enjoyable. He'd also been the first guy in my life, to make me feel like I was something 'special', the first guy I think, who I'd felt had *genuinely* cared about me...so maybe that was part of it too.

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brandnew1 Explorer

brandnew1

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ah good thread. im dealing with this now...

 

kinda dating this guy that i find semi-attractive but he's small which is a big turn off (i think?) he's probably 4 inches taller than me (like 5'7 or 5'8?) and has the smallest little butt ever (size 29?).

 

so usually i go out with guys that are at least 6 feet tall - i actually cant even name a guy that i made out with that was shorter than this and they're usually very attractive. and i dont think i go after this on purpose, i feel like it's just my natural attraction.

 

this is the first time ive ever been with someone that i kinda wavered on looks with. it's so shallow, i know --- but i am hoping, like most of the women here have said, that it will grow on me. he is truly the nicest boy (i feel like i cant even call him a man... he's so small!!) i ever met. he treats me SO well, does the sweetest things ever and makes me feel really great.

 

sometimes when i think about it im like ughh what am i doing?? but then we hang out and he makes me smile... confusing.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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To me... it's not so much what the person looks like, but that I feel chemistry. If I meet someone and feel I could NEVER date that person (good looking or not) then I won't go on a date with them. I don't try to kid myself about things like that.

 

so you would date any guy that approached you if his personality was great? i would like to detest this.

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