Should I send the letter?

[hereagain]

Hi,

 

I've given brief details of my situation on a few other threads, but just was looking for some advice on if I should send the letter I've been writing with a Christmas card..

 

Basically, its been almost 2 months since we broke up, but I see him every day at work. I keep things to a professional level and have no idea how he thinks or feels about anything.

 

Originally I desperately wanted to get back together with him, but now I'm not so sure. I still miss him, his company and his family terribly. I don't know if he is seeing anyone else, he keeps things very private at work, but I have my suspicions.

 

I want to send him a letter saying thank you and that I appreciate every thing he did for me.

 

I've been NC since we broke up (except for the required communication at work). I think it almost makes me miss him more having to see him all the time than if he just wasnt there.

 

I would really appreciate your thoughts.

[amipushy]

There is no need to write anything to someone you no longer are seeing- Knowing that its over and finished from deep within is what moves you on, not a letter of 'gratitute' to remove or replace repeating words from your mind.

[crab62]

I know how you feel... but honestly, I'd say no.

 

Send the letter to yourself... get to a group meeting, call someone on the phone... do anything but send the letter.

 

It will probably fall on deaf ears to them anyway, but then maybe I am wrong...

 

but honestly... if you walked away from someone...what would a letter do?

 

They didn't walk away cause they loved you and were committed to you and thought you were the best thing, did they?

 

I wouldn't...but then I'm hard core NC. After my first and last break of NC and the hurt it caused... I'm sorry... I'm not throwing myself down that silo again... no frickin way.

[catfeeder]

Sorry to be rude, but No Way. You still work with the guy, which hasn't made this hard enough?

 

Consider the letter a way to rationalize yourself into trouble--it lacks self-honesty, otherwise you'd see it for the blatant attention-seeking gesture it will scream that it is.

 

Putting your private feelings on paper in a diary or journal is one thing, putting them into an eX's hands (at work!) is asking for an ulcer.

 

In your corner.

[hereagain]

Sorry to be rude, but No Way. You still work with the guy, which hasn't made this hard enough?

 

Consider the letter a way to rationalize yourself into trouble--it lacks self-honesty, otherwise you'd see it for the blatant attention-seeking gesture it will scream that it is.

 

Putting your private feelings on paper in a diary or journal is one thing, putting them into an eX's hands (at work!) is asking for an ulcer.

 

In your corner.

 

Firstly, I didn't say I was going to do this at work. I keep work completely separate.

 

Secondly, I appreciate the feedback, but I still don't understand why on this forum, when you know people are hurting, there still seems to be this desire to personally attack someone. I've seen it on several threads, you can see people are truly hurting and don't understand their feelings, yet you read the responses and they are really quite hurtful. while the deeper meaning is probably true, there is certainly a way of doing it without hurting people. Especially knowing that the majority of people on here are probably suffering either depression, anxiety, and are even suicidal.

 

Perhaps just take a little care with your responses people.

[catfeeder]

Firstly, I didn't say I was going to do this at work. I keep work completely separate.

 

Secondly, I appreciate the feedback, but I still don't understand why on this forum, when you know people are hurting, there still seems to be this desire to personally attack someone. I've seen it on several threads, you can see people are truly hurting and don't understand their feelings, yet you read the responses and they are really quite hurtful. while the deeper meaning is probably true, there is certainly a way of doing it without hurting people. Especially knowing that the majority of people on here are probably suffering either depression, anxiety, and are even suicidal.

 

Perhaps just take a little care with your responses people.

 

No desire here to attack you, in fact my heart goes out to you, and I'm honestly sorry if I came off that way.

 

I hope you'll reconsider my response from the POV of a gut reaction. When you see someone about to walk in front of a speeding train, offering therapy isn't your impulse--pushing them out of harm's way is your only goal. They can be mad at you for it, but if they're too preoccupied with the coat you've ripped to appreciate your intentions, you'll gladly accept the consequences.

 

It really doesn't matter whether you deliver a heartfelt letter to your ex on the job or outside of those grounds, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube once you've let it out. You'll both still need to coexist on the job from that point forward--every. single. day.

 

I hope you'll consider this a friendly warning from someone who is plenty empathetic with your pain yet sees the emotional train wreck you can opt to avoid--pleeease don't step there!!!

 

My best,

CF