Friendship developing into more..Any success stories?

[HopeArises]

Hi Guys and Girls,

 

Okay, so as my title states, have any of you on here been having any success with your ex by starting off by being their FRIEND after the breakup?

 

The way I see it, is if an ex leaves you and allows you to still hang around IMMEDIATELY after the breakup and you guys get together maybe once a week and it starts off just as friends (both parties being on their BEST behavior) and tests are running wild from the dumper...

 

This is the situation I am currently in. She ended it with me 2.5 weeks ago and I handled it well. NO PRESSURE. NO GUILT. NO BEGGING. NO PLEADING, etc...

 

So, in handling it as well as I did (it IS hard though), she for some reason doesn't seem to be bothered by us talking on the phone and getting together (going for dinner twice already and this wednesday I'll be going to her appt. for some wine and to just hang out).

 

I feel in my heart that she doesn't want to get rid of me completely after the breakup because I took it really well (which SHOCKED her). I had been growing more and more insecure as the relationship progressed and had become far too needy, dependent and controlling. All of this HAD to stop when she ended it with me and so far, we are still in each others lives. Obviously not like before (no romance, etc...), but my question is, has anyone been able to progress it from friends back to a COUPLE after a breakup and if so, can anyone of you give me your suggestions?

 

So far what I've been doing has been playing it cool and am acting happy to be her friend and am truly being a friend without the pressure. I am giving without asking or expecting anything in return and if I get back, I smile.

 

What kind of tests should I be looking out from her and how do I pass them? Lastly, how can I slowly progress this into more while respecting her. I do not want to put on the pressure and scare her off and ruin ALL chances, because this is a window of opportunity to fix what I need to and many people don't get these chances post breakup, because the dumper won't give the dumpee the time of day.

 

Thoughts?

[waveseer]

Continue to treat her the with the same respect you'd like reciprocated. If it is meant to be, it will be.

[testcase]

Well I don't know it's not the path I would want to take but I guess you can try. Only thing I'd watch out for and their are many cases on here about how that does not work, or how it is terrible for YOU and great for her. Right now the breakup is easier for her because she is getting all the emotional support, friendship, without the romance. Basically you are letting her have her cake and eat it too.

 

In the end it's whatever you want to do but be careful it doesn't become more trouble than its worth. You should be healing right now and you are holding onto hope. She is not feeling the full ramifications of the breakup because she gets to keep the part of you she most likely didn't want to lose.

[knightNshiningarmor]

coming from someone who successfully pulled it off with the same person more then once...dont...there is a reason you guys broke off your better to learn from your relationship and move on...but if u really want to get back with her...u need to escalate her fear of losing you...what she wants is to have her cake and eat it too...that is keep you in her life because u make her feel good while she is able to guilt free look for an upgrade...what you need to do is not be at her beck and call which sounds like your doing...but one night when she suggest plans...tell her you cant that you already have plans..when she questions you be a little hesitant but let her know that its a date in one means or another...then abruptly get off the phone telling her you have to go get ready and pick up some flowers or something along those lines...dont give her time on the phone afterwards to persuade you not to do it...shell get upset and shell either draw back and youll have to pull her back in...or she'll bombard you...either way you know your back in...if it doesnt effect her at all...hopefully by now u can tell if shes faking like it doesnt...then there isnt much hope and you should either take the friendship knowing there is not chance for reconciliation or drop it all together.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are setting yourself up for major hurt...no matter how much you pretend to be okay, clearly you are not because you are hoping to get back together with her. She dumped you but still has you in her life so she is not missing out on very much...in the meantime she can keep her eyes open for someone else...when she finds that someone else she will no longer need your companionship. Right now you are selling yourself short trying to imagine her tests and hoping to pass them. This is all part of being clingy, except it is demonstrated in a more covert way. People who are not clingy and insecure walk away completely when they are dumped and don't settle for "just friends" when they really want the relationship. How about taking this time to really prove to yourself that you don't need her, you are secure within yourself and you have the self-confidence to walk away from someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

[lady00]

Yes I did. But it worked like this: we both dated other people, stayed in touch stayed friends. I let go of the idea of being with him. One day he came back into my life. I hadn't planned for this or expected it in any way. I moved on with my life and pursued other relationships and so did he. Circumstances changed, we changed, we both happened to be single at the same time and things fell into place.

[knightNshiningarmor]

ya i agree with crazy... coming out of a relationship where we broke up and got back together many times...i finally made the decision that we werent getting back together....but i wish i could have come to that conclusion the first time we broke up...if u get back together odds are shell be so happy to be back with you shell shower u with affection for a few weeks then shell start to fall into the same place she was before and the relationship is going to feel like work for you as your always going to be trying to do what you have to to keep it afloat. In the right relationship you dont have to look at it like a game plan, you dont have to strategize its just there...or at least thats what im holding out for...id rather be alone then with the wrong person.

[waveseer]

id rather be alone then with the wrong person.

 

This statement should be posted somewhere prominent forever.

[lady00]

This statement should be posted somewhere prominent forever.

 

LOL...whenever I read a post by someone who seems to really want to be in a relationship for the sake of being with someone, I reply with that statement.

 

But back to the original question...you can't get this girl back by anything you say or do. You can push her away though. You have to let go of the idea of getting her back and go on with your life. If you want to be friends, wait until you are really ready and then be friends. She will return if she wants to.

[VioletFig]

no dont do it

you are her comfortable back up

you need to date others

make her miss you

period

[lost1607307474]

My current boyfriend and I were great friends for 2.5 years before we got together officially. It was a weird transition, but a good one, and it feels so right now Definitely a friendship to relationship success.