Engagement Broken - Would you give ring back or not? Guys, your opinion?

[lila...]

There is a legal issue depending where you live - and keeping it could be very expensive for you.

 

But the ethical issue is more complex - and basically involves keeping something of value that was given for reasons that no longer apply.

 

I think the main reason to give it back is because it just looks so sleazy to keep it no matter the reason the engagement was ended.

 

Yeah it makes sense that way, why keep something when the main reason for it no longer applies. It's kind of sad that something that's suppossed to be so romantic gets connected to the law/government.

Obviously if I keep mine, I'd just keep it away as a keepsake somewhere, just for the memory of what one day was something so meaningful, I wouldn't still go around wearing it lol.

[DN]

Yeah it makes sense that way, why keep something when the main reason for it no longer applies. It's kind of sad that something that's suppossed to be so romantic gets connected to the law/government.

Obviously if I keep mine, I'd just keep it away as a keepsake somewhere, just for the memory of what one day was something so meaningful, I wouldn't still go around wearing it lol.

It most cases that would be an expensive keepsake - and sometimes the guy still has a lot of payments to make on it.

[lila...]

It most cases that would be an expensive keepsake - and sometimes the guy still has a lot of payments to make on it.

 

Yeah...see...I didn't know that. What if he payed for the whole thing upfront?

[Scorpion Fury]

Only way I’d keep it is if he broke it off, screwed me over financially somehow, and I needed to sell the ring to pay the bills.

[DN]

Yeah...see...I didn't know that. What if he payed for the whole thing upfront?

Then in most cases he has paid out a lot of money - sometimes several thousand. To want to keep that when the purpose for which it was spent is no longer valid seems sleazy. A memento is one thing - an investment that appreciates over time is something else.

 

And what is worse is when people say they would sell it and spend the money - yuck!!!

[25thfloor]

I'm sure this convo has been had somewhere on the boards before....

 

So, I know someone who within the past few months, girl broke engagement. They have a child together. She has moved out, has her own place, etc.

 

She's refusing to give ring back.

 

My opinion is that if an engagement is broken, ring should be returned. I thought that was a rule?

 

But another friend of mine just said she disagree's - that an engagement ring is a gift.

 

Have I lost my mind?

 

Share.

 

I think the decision is a personal one. I think it would matter what happened in the relationship. and there is a child involved. maybe she wants it for the child or maybe she has a very good reason for keeping it.

[Mythical_Suicide]

and there is a child involved. maybe she wants it for the child or maybe she has a very good reason for keeping it.

 

 

To me that is highly doubtful and even if it was the case, she could give it back to the father to give to the child.

[ImThatGirl]

Thank you all for posting! It's nice to see other opinions.....

 

 

In this case, the girl is the lady that could have become my daughters stepmom.

 

I have no thoughts on it due to who she is but just always, always thought a girl should return the ring no matter. And then my friend started debating with me about it.

 

Not that it's truly important but... she left him. told him she needed a break and next thing he knew she was saying they were over.

[JenniferSNJ]

Didn't read the entire thread, so I'm not exactly positive what was said...

 

Based off the OP...

 

The ring should be returned.

 

The only time the ring should not be returned is if you were married and got a divorce. Then we get to keep the ring, sell it for the weight of gold, and go on vacation with the money.

[25thfloor]

To me that is highly doubtful and even if it was the case, she could give it back to the father to give to the child.

 

well, i certainly don't know the folks, but it sounds like you do. i don't know the situation, but i was posting a 'perhaps'.

[DN]

The only time the ring should not be returned is if you were married and got a divorce. Then we get to keep the ring, sell it for the weight of gold, and go on vacation with the money. .......

[25thfloor]

Didn't read the entire thread, so I'm not exactly positive what was said...

 

Based off the OP...

 

The ring should be returned.

 

The only time the ring should not be returned is if you were married and got a divorce. Then we get to keep the ring, sell it for the weight of gold, and go on vacation with the money.

 

haha! very good!

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yuck! .......

 

I feel the same.

 

I would never sell a wedding ring.

[ImThatGirl]

Hmmmmmm speaking of. Yikes! I just remembered.... I have an engagement ring in my jewelry box. From my sons dad. He never asked for it back I don't think. I stuck it in there and forgot about it. Now I feel like a jerk. But eh. That was 8 years ago. Ah!

 

I guess since the value was low, I moved out of our apt and left all of my stuff (furniture etc,) I just didn't think about returning it.

 

Again though - that was 8 years ago - I was 22.

[CarrieB123]

As for giving it to the child when they are old enough, I'm 26 and my mom still has the ring. I've asked for it several times, because that is why she wanted it afterall, right? I dont know why she resists, she ended the marriage 17 years ago, its time I get it!!! Just kidding. But really she got the house and my dad let her keep the ring so that she would give it to me.

 

So if you keep the ring for the sake of a child, give it to the kid. (AHEM, mom, if you're reading this: THIS MEANS YOU!)

[kaoticbaby]

i personally feel like you should give back the engagement ring. i feel like some women blame the man for the breakup and think they deserve to keep the ring.

 

an engagement ring is not just a cheap gift. it is a symbol of unity, and a very expensive one at that. especially if the man followed the "3 months salary" rule.

 

the right thing to do would be to give it back.

[SapphireNoir10]

I left mine in the ashtray

 

Oops

 

I Would give it back

[kaoticbaby]

I left mine in the ashtray

 

Oops

 

I Would give it back

pshhahahah

[savignon]

I was just joking with my friend the other day saying if my fiancee and I broke up, I'd want to keep the ring (really just meaning that I love it so much...I wouldn't actually want to keep it without it's meaning)....anyways, my friend responded that the etiquitte is that you give the ring back if you were engaged, but if you're getting divorced, you get to keep all rings. I didn't even know there was ettiqute surrounding rings!

[alli]

I was engaged 5 years ago & gave the ring back, even though I paid for half. I loved the ring, almost felt an attachment to it apart from my now-ex. I gave it back only to send him the message that we were through; I didn't want him holding onto hope I would change my mind if I still had the ring in my possession.

 

Even though I was the one that broke it off, I had good reason to do so. Like I said, I would have loved to keep it, not for monetary reasons but because I just liked it so much. Occasionally.. like now.. I wonder what he ever did with it. He said he would keep it until I changed my mind. I doubt he's still holding onto that hope after 5 years NC.

[thejigsup]

If I broke up with him, I have violated the promise for which the ring was given. I give it back. If he breaks up with me, he has violated the promise for which the ring was given. I was still honoring the promise at the time he reneged. I keep the ring. Also, I have always refused a ring that costs more than $500. Any man that will spend that much on A RING, I do not want to marry. Frugality in certain areas signals maturity.

[COtuner]

I would give it back. In fact, I did!

[DN]

If I broke up with him, I have violated the promise for which the ring was given. I give it back. If he breaks up with me, he has violated the promise for which the ring was given. I was still honoring the promise at the time he reneged. I keep the ring. Also, I have always refused a ring that costs more than $500. Any man that will spend that much on A RING, I do not want to marry. Frugality in certain areas signals maturity.

Why would you want it? For the money if you can sell it - it's only $500? Revenge? Sentiment? I don't understand the motivation of wanting to keep it regardless of who broke the engagement.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Why would you want it? For the money if you can sell it - it's only $500? Revenge? Sentiment? I don't understand the motivation of wanting to keep it regardless of who broke the engagement.

 

Because it still represents the love you once did have.

 

Sort of a remembrance of the time.

 

That was the motivation for keeping my necklace. I did ask him if he wanted it back but I was glad that he said he wanted me to keep it. I never wore it and kept it out of sight, but, it still did represent something good.

[DN]

Because it still represents the love you once did have.

 

Sort of a remembrance of the time.

 

That was the motivation for keeping my necklace. I did ask him if he wanted it back but I was glad that he said he wanted me to keep it. I never wore it and kept it out of sight, but, it still did represent something good.

OK- but you have the sentiment and remembrance and he has the expense of it.

 

I think if engagement rings were reciprocal - i.e. women gave them to men as well (there's a thought) then keeping them would be equitable. But since society expects that the man has to pay for an engagement ring, and he is really given little choice in the matter without risking some considerable disapprobation, then it is only reasonable to return it.

 

At one time it was etiquette to return all gifts that had been exchanged during a relationship (my sister did that with an ex-fiancé) but that isn't true today. Your necklace is different, I believe, because that was a gift he chose to give you rather than one he was 'expected' to give - and it was not given in expectation of marriage.

 

The other problem with "if he broke it off she gets to keep it" which is the law in some cases and is given as a reason to keep it with some people here, is that sometimes a man will break off an engagement for good cause. His fiancé cheating or being abusive would be good examples but there are other less egregious but still unacceptable behaviours that would be legitimate to end it. It seems unfair that a man should not only have had to break off an engagement because he discovers previously undetected and unacceptable behaviour but also loses a considerable sum of money as well.