25 yr old bf sleeping with mom

[addwhitney]

Would love some advice on this please! Sorry for the length - I am trying to provide as many details as possible so that I can get the best advice.

 

My 25 year old boyfriend still sleeps in bed with his mom from time to time. They are from a different culture and are an exceptionally close family, given all that they have been through together. However, I am having a hard time understanding why he will sleep in the same bed with her. I do not believe there is anything sexual between the two of them. His older brother, who is 28 and married, does it too. However, I find it very odd and not acceptable. He only lives 5 miles from her and has his own bed - or mine - but still chooses to spend the night every once in a while and will sleep in her bed with her. There are other beds in the house and even a couch, but he will sleep with her in her bed.

 

The most recent occasion was this past Saturday night. He was visiting his family and then decided to go out with some friends. (I was out of town). Afterwards, instead of going home to his own bed, or my apartment (he has a key), he chose to drive back to his mother's house at 4am and got in bed with her. This came out in conversation on Sunday, and when I asked him why he didn't go to my place, he said he forgot he had the key (I gave it to him the day before) and when I asked why he didn't sleep in the other room, he said there was too much stuff on the bed and he didn't feel like moving it.

 

I haven't pressed the situation any further to not create an argument. However, I cannot get this out of my head and am having a very hard time understanding it. Can someone please give me some insight, advice, anything?

 

Thanks!

[avman]

Well you mentioned they are from a different culture. In some cultures this is completely normal and acceptable behavior.

 

What culture are they? That may provide some insight.

[Lionel Hutz]

I think it may be best to ask why? But be very collected when you ask, since it may be something private. Does he know that you know? Seems like something one would want to keep secret. Or is he very casual about it?

[redhearts]

With your title, I thought you meant your bf was sleeping with your mom. But really this is way too much of a mommas boy, regardless of culture. Say you two are married, so one day he will just decide to stay the night on her bed a few nights? Or if you have kids then they'll be asking you why?

[Mythical_Suicide]

There is something strange that he prefers to sleep in the bed with his mom rather than his gf.

I too am curious about the culture. Can't say i've ever heard of one that promotes sleeping with ones mom on up into adulthood especially once one is married. That crosses the line with me.

If I were in your shoes i'd be questioning the mess out of him trying to understand WHY.

[ghost69]

i'm not sure this is a cultural thing. this seems odd. what cultures do that that you guys know of? i'm curious to know now.

[Mythical_Suicide]

There are people who co-sleep with their children (I still do with my son) but that should stop once the child hits a certain age and specially once that child is no longer a child and grows into an adult.

[Botched]

Perhaps you could crawl lin there with them and find out...why not ask. And I am not casting a sexual implication here. I really mean it. If you ask and he seems confused by your worry and culture then I would doubt either of you could explain your points. It may be like camping in the same tent.

 

Let's not just assume the worst here.

[Applewhite]

I also can't help but be curious: what culture...

[lila...]

i'm not sure this is a cultural thing. this seems odd. what cultures do that that you guys know of? i'm curious to know now.

 

I don't think she meant that this is acceptable in some cultures, I think she meant that in some cultures families are so tight-knit that this wouldn't seem odd. Still, like other posters mentioned, I would be bothered because it's just too much of a momma's boy behavior. I would have a serious talk about it, ask him why he does it, tell him why it bothers you..

[hers]

My dad used to go into his mom's room as an adult when he was in town visiting & chat with her while lying in bed with her. Sometimes he'd fall asleep. We're a regular plain american family. I never thought it weird. He loved his mom. I did it too w/ her as an adult.

 

If they're spooning or something then that's weird. But I'd rather a guy do that than still have the umbilical cord attached in other ways (like if she interferes in his relationships, for example).

[Mythical_Suicide]

My dad used to go into his mom's room as an adult when he was in town visiting & chat with her while lying in bed with her. Sometimes he'd fall asleep.

 

That is one thing but actually going to your moms house just to sleep in bed with her is something totally different.

[AwwGeez0107]

How common is this for his culture? Does every family with similar background sleep in the same bed? Would talking to his mother about the situation be possible or does she encourage this behavior?

 

If this is big enough o a deal to you (I know it would be for me) then you're going to have to bring it up. Maybe read up on this online or at the library to try to understand why families sleep in the same bed at such an old age to not seem ignorant to their ways. I wish you the best of luck and wish I coul be more help.

[Sparkly Eyes]

WOW, very odd and not acceptable to me! I am really curious what culture it is!

[BellaDonna]

Hmmm.... As much I think it is a bit strange, if the family is really close I wouldn't think TOO much of it. I don't think there are sexual concerns, but rather maturity concerns....

 

I'm 29 and would not feel weird about having to share a bed with my mom (but if I had other options I wouldn't choose to share a bed) I really would not feel weird about sleeping next to my father either, except for the fact that he snores. Again, if I had other options I would not seek out sleeping next to either parent though.

 

At some point when MOST children reach a certain age, they would rather be independent, especially when it comes to having their own room and sleeping alone- it seems like that is not happening in his case.

 

Is this his only child-like habit?

[ghost69]

that part just doesn't seem odd to some? i find that highly weird. i dunno, if it is cultural, at 25 is still weird to me.

[Mythical_Suicide]

that part just doesn't seem odd to some? i find that highly weird. i dunno, if it is cultural, at 25 is still weird to me.

 

 

Yea that was the part that got me as well..

 

and has his own bed - or mine - but still chooses to spend the night every once in a while and will sleep in her bed with her.

 

This is another thing that kinda stood out to me, who is going to choose sleeping in the bed with their mom over their gf it's just way too weird for me.

[Snoopy24]

Is she widowed or divorced? Maybe it's just to keep her company at night. It is a little odd, but it could be sweet if you think about it that way.

 

My friends father just passed away a month ago and she has been sleeping in her moms bed ever since.

 

As long as it's nothing sexual I wouldn't worry about it. Some families from all different cultures have strong bonds and show it in different ways.

[BellaDonna]

This all reminds me of the children's book "Love You Forever" link removed[/i]

[laisla]

some families do things "out of the norm" like this. i don't think anything is wrong with the behaviour in itself. but you've either got to accept it, try to talk to him about it so that it changes, or leave.

[addwhitney]

They are from Kosovo. Albanian...

[ghost69]

so what is your thought whitney?

[Imprecision]

Is she widowed or divorced? Maybe it's just to keep her company at night. It is a little odd, but it could be sweet if you think about it that way.

 

My friends father just passed away a month ago and she has been sleeping in her moms bed ever since.

 

As long as it's nothing sexual I wouldn't worry about it. Some families from all different cultures have strong bonds and show it in different ways.

 

I agree with Snoopy24. Although unusual in a North American setting, I think it's pretty cool.

[lvlyldy]

I sometimes still sleep next to my mom... but not in a weird creepy sort of way, just cause she misses me. She immigrated to the United States when she was 20, and had me at 21 and since we have absolutely no other family here, she and I are very close. Especially since going away to college I've noticed that my mom has really missed me, and when I come home to visit sometimes she asks me to just so we can stay up talking and catch up and fall asleep doing so. I know she and my dad dont get along (they had an arranged marriage 30 years ago) and the past few years they've been sleeping in different rooms. I think sometimes she just gets lonely and its nice to have someone you love and care about next to you.

 

I don't have a preference to sleep next to her (especially cause she snores really loudly) but sometimes I do cause I know she misses me and she finds comfort in having her daughter there next to her. I do have my own room which i use 99% of the time but I dont think its really that weird to sleep next to a parent (and I'm 22)

[melrich]

They are from Kosovo. Albanian...

 

Who on earth told you adults sleep with their mothers in Kosovo! The only sleeping habit Albanians in Kosova are known for is sleeping in their clothes on the floor.