Just found my bf's swinger account on the web

[ocgthatsme]

Hi guys,

I found your forum while searching for some kind of idea of what to do about this.

First of all, I found out because I was in his email inbox - obviously I shouldn't have been.. I get that. I was curious about something he'd mentioned buying online and I wanted to check if he'd bought it (I was going to buy it for him if he hadn't!). That is wrong of me.. I know that, so maybe I've brought this on myself.

 

I found emails from this website that describes itself as the UK's biggest and best online site for swingers. It's appears to be the kind of site where you arrange meetings with like minded others (this horrifies me), but even the dirty messages side of it is something he shouldn't be doing in my opinion. I've signed up to view his profile and it was created a year or two ago. However, the email in his inbox said his account was now reactivated as he'd requested.

 

I know I'm not alone in this as various google search have shown me, but our sex life is not boring. It's colourful, fun and quite quite naughty!

This discovery is tearing me apart.. I can't figure out why he'd want to reactivate his account when we are so good together - he says that all the time, and how he thinks we were made for each other..

 

He's going away to Canada in January for 3 months. How can I trust him after finding this?

Do I confront him? This means admitting I was in his inbox, which is a breach of his trust.. though perhaps not as big as his breach of mine.

 

Thank you for any help you can offer. S

[metrogirl]

Has he ever mentioned getting another partner to join you guys? Because basically swinger sites are for people looking to hook up with other couples. So he's either looking to bring someone to your bedroom or he's looking to join another couple in their bedroom.

[yeawutever]

You have to confront him about what you found and state your position in the relationship, plus he has to know your boundaries. If you're not into swinging and he does it anyways dump him, it shows he has no respect for you whatsoever.

[redhearts]

I agree you have to confront him, what if he is going away for 3 months to purposely sleep around? I mean ew you need to get yourself checked.

[Botched]

I am not in agreement about the email search you did. You had a great reason to look, prepairing a Christmas idea...hard to call that snooping. In commited relationships we turn our bodies, our hearts over to our loved one, so is email really a boundry when the reason is so valid and honest? My point isn't that we should search through eachothers stuff. It is that there shouldn't be anything to hide that wouldn't flatter you..ie gift plan or surprise for you.

 

Second, yes you should worry. Toronto for an extended time and on a swinger site. Don't be fooled either, "swingers" wouldn't turn down an out of town guy just because his girlfriend couldn't join him. This is a big issue, sorry to say. Confront him and don't accept for one minute any crap about his privacy. If THAT is his privacy, if his privacy means ldishonesty to you then it need not be respected or tolerated.

 

Cheaters are OFTEN expected to turn over their email info, aswell as cells and whatever else if the partner needs it to recover, if recovery is an option. Many accept this with humility and understanding.

 

Decide first if you would accept him telling you that he will end it while being honest and comitted. The words need to be delivered with some desperation and shame by the way. If he can convince you it's okay then atleast make him do the work. If not, then tell him why it's over.

 

You are not in the wrong, even if he has some excuse, you deserve to hear it without guilt.

[pumpkinmoon]

I am very sorry to hear about you situation. If you are worried about him thinking you were snooping through his emails maybe you could tell him that a friend of yours signed up to this site and came accross his profile and told you about it. Hope this helps in some way. Also, why is he going to Canada for 3 months?

[EarthGirl6]

Doesn't sound very good at all. You must have had some gut intuition that prompted you to look for clues to verify or dismiss your concern/doubt about his honesty and faithfulness. I am sure you are very confused and hurt about this. As far as for him to spend 3 months in Canada, can you go with him? Even if you can't...tell him you have arranged with your work, and you can take a leave of absense so you can go and explore Canada with him...!!! See how he acts....