She made it so hard.

[Bdk86]

After about a year of being together, my girlfriend our-at the time-long distance relationship. I had to admit, from what we've been through with each other we were in hell.

 

We met down at school and were together most of the year. We had a few quarrels and disagreements, but for the most part things were great. At the end of the year I brought her to her hotel where she was going to stay before her flight home in the morning and I teared up because I was so sad. I was saying goodbye to my best friend.

 

During the first part of the summer we would talk on the phone and it would be nice but after a while she began calling too much and we would only say "I love you" and "I miss you". It became meaningless after a while. I had a conversation with her about this and told her how the words were starting to become redundant. She took it so hard that she broke up with me and would not talk to me. I just wanted to tell her that so we didn't have to break up.

 

After I got desperate and things got much worse, I convinced her to give into what her heart says and try again. Since I transferred to another school, we only had certain weekends and phone calls. When I would go down to see her she would treat me poorly and make my trip miserable. After a few months, she stopped answering my phone calls and texts and told me online that its over; she found someone else a week later.

 

She told me that I treated her so poorly and she deserves the best. That I never did anything for her, and I only hurt her. It destroys me to think that she cared about me so much at one point she wanted to seriously get married, and only a few months later after trivial events occurred she hates me.

 

Yes we fought a lot during these recent weeks and months before the breakup, but when things were great they were great. I don't understand that they could have been so bad. There were two variables with myself where I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism during that time which made me very irritable and tired. I would get snippy at times, but after I stared my meds things became much better. Also, I was going through a rough time figuring out my future which brought me down a bit. She decided to prey on that fact when she told me how awful I was to her.

 

The main point is I am having such a difficult time with this breakup. I don't know if it is because I miss her, the situation of having her or if she said some things that hurt me very badly. She did a great job of convincing me that I was horrible, but I can't convince myself that it is not true. I was never sure if I was going to be able to marry her, but I wanted to so badly. I don't think I miss her, but I can't figure it out.

 

A final thought: After the breakup, she kept trying to get in contact with me. At first it was really nice and "I'm going on a date with this guy; you and I should be friends" which I could not stand. Then she turned bitter and said those horrible things. She would send me random text messages throughout the day saying hurtful things. I was honestly ready to change my phone number. She started acting nice to see how I was doing again and I would ignore her. She would say hurtful things, and then a few days later would act nice. This eventually subsided, but I had NO clue what it meant. She made it so unbelievably hard.

[waveseer]

LDR's are inherently hard. It isn't easy to admit that I am the only one who can make things hard on myself. People will do whatever they want to do and it's up to me to respond in a manner which will keep me from being too hurt. You need to take responsibility for your part in continuing with an interaction you found hurtful. I must be good to myself before I can expect to be good to anyone else.