broody

[serena271]

I don't really have a question but just needed to get this out!

 

I keep feeling really broody, and wanting to have a baby - at only 23 years old.

 

I'm sure that I just need to be rational about it - I am in absolutely no situation to have a baby whatsoever - I'm unemployed (and have been for years because of my lack of job experience which is all employers see!) I have never even had a boyfriend, I have career goals, not to mention that I still live with my parents!

 

would value someone else's opinions, as long as they aren't too cruel

[D_Lish]

I think the time to consider kids, is when you are in a stable relationship, ie: married and you are able to support that child yourself and financially...ie: in employment.

[Godless_Heathen]

I know how you feel. I'm male and 43, and I think about it all the time, even though I know it's simply not going to happen now. I can't even think about sex without thinking about babies.

 

About the only thing I can suggest to offset this is that when you're childless and broody, you don't have a realistic idea of what it's about. Right now what you're feeling is all about you and your desires. I know that first hand, but when you really have a child, it's all about the baby. Babies, toddlers, children, they're all extremely needy.

 

Being an au pair is one of the few ways I can imagine getting the full experience of the real thing. Being a baby-sitter isn't quite in the same league, you have to be subject to the demands of a baby full-time with no respite.

 

Not that it will necessarily cure you. I'm aware of this and yet I still think about kids all the time.

[annie24]

my 2 cents is that since you want a baby, you should start taking steps towards having the baby (and not by having a random one night stand!!!) as in finding a job, or continuing your education, trying to come up with some kind of career plan/path/goal.... and then putting yourself in situations where you will meet men. like online dating, or joining a co-ed volleyball team or joining a church youth group, etc.... my advice is to date men who seem to be ready to settle down - don't just go for the bad boy/players. good luck

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You are trying to fill a void in your life with the thought of a baby, but really it sounds like you need direction and other goals that you are actively working towards.

 

So you haven't had a job in years? Are you in school getting trained for a career where there are jobs?

 

Why not start putting your efforts into meeting other goals rather than sitting around home bored and thinking about babies? Babies require income to support them, and a stable situation, so unless you parents are willing to support you and a baby, i'd fight these thoughts and focus on getting out of the house and getting training or a job.

[Hope75]

Maybe asking what having a baby would mean to you would help you figure out the yearning.

 

What are your reasons?

[serena271]

Thank you for so many replies. As there is so many replies, I'll try to reply to each post in turn...

 

Victoria66: Believe me I am a very very practical person and am very sensible and realistic. I know that it would be stupid to have a baby right now. I just needed to let it out how I've been feeling! I've made a decision anyway, to work on gaining more independence for myself - the jobcentre have said they are going to help me get a job in childcare, and help me get an NVQ in childcare, then save money so that I can move out into my own place. I plan to, hopefully, be secure enough both emotionally and physically to start seriously thinking about having a baby when I'm about 30.

 

DLish: I don't believe that someone has to be in a relationship to have kids. What if I never meet anyone? My mum was a single mother, and the best one at that too. If I get to 30 and everything else - e.g. finances, job, home is great I won't want to not have a child just because the only thing missing is a man!

 

annie24: when everything else is more stable and I'm ready I don't necessarily want to have a baby with a man. I know that everyone says about a male role model, but lots of other women are single mothers, and then there is also lesbian couples that have a baby.

 

BeStrongBeHappy: There isn't really a void in my life. I had lots of ambitions and goals - which I am going to still try for. I didn't have enough GCSEs to go to college and then university. I have tried all sorts of jobs and all sorts of courses. I have looked for lots of jobs, the employers have always turned me away because of my lack of experience. I can't go to university because of money and the jobcentre! I'm always trying to get a job, I don't just sit around doing nothing dreaming of babies! And when I am at home I distract myself by studying history.

 

I'm aware that it would be irresponsible to have a baby yet, I just needed to let out my broody feelings, but thank you all of you for your comments!

[Mythical_Suicide]

Being a single parent isn't something i'd suggest for anyone.

 

Yes, it can be done. I do it every day but it's hard and not something i'd willingly get myself into. Just my opinion though.

[serena271]

Being a single parent isn't something i'd suggest for anyone.

 

Yes, it can be done. I do it every day but it's hard and not something i'd willingly get myself into. Just my opinion though.

 

I can understand that, but I have a strong stable family that will always support me, and provide a loving family unit.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I can understand that, but I have a strong stable family that will always support me, and provide a loving family unit.

 

 

That's great but there is alot more that goes into being a single parent, no matter how much family support you have it isn't easy.

[serena271]

That's great but there is alot more that goes into being a single parent, no matter how much family support you have it isn't easy.

 

 

I can understand that, but - when I am 30 and more stable - I will still want to have a child, I won't think no because I'm still single.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Make sure you talk to your family about this before going any further with the idea, especially if they've been supporting you for years. They may not want to support both you and a baby as much as you think they do.

 

The responsible thing to do now is to launch yourself in your career and have a stable way of making money to support you and the baby. Until you've accomplished that, even thinking about a baby is a bit premature.

[serena271]

Make sure you talk to your family about this before going any further with the idea, especially if they've been supporting you for years. They may not want to support both you and a baby as much as you think they do.

 

The responsible thing to do now is to launch yourself in your career and have a stable way of making money to support you and the baby. Until you've accomplished that, even thinking about a baby is a bit premature.

 

People don't seem to understand that I am talking about my feelings about the FUTURE. I'm not talking about the present. I've talked it all through with my family. I always think through everything carefully. I'm looking for a job in childcare, then going to look for a house in this area - and am working on gaining much more independence and making my life much more stable. I wouldn't actually think about planning a pregnancy until I am at least 30!

I just wanted to talk about my broody feelings. I'm a very responsible person!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I do think that most women get broody feelings now and again... it's hormonal or a particularly cute kid you see, or a friend or relative having a baby...

 

But it is good you are not letting broodiness overpower reason! Some women do, then have endless financial and other problems because the haven't really planned for a baby.

[serena271]

I do think that most women get broody feelings now and again... it's hormonal or a particularly cute kid you see, or a friend or relative having a baby...

 

But it is good you are not letting broodiness overpower reason! Some women do, then have endless financial and other problems because the haven't really planned for a baby.

 

I won't even think about planning any pregnancy until I am 30. But at least I have a positive future to look forward to. I think I will be a great mum!