how should i approach this bartender girl correctly

[mr1sparkle]

couple days ago i met this blonde 22 year old female bartender who works in nightclub for 2 weeks already. we have pretty good conversation together and she was able to remember my name when i told her i was leaving. Shes really gorgeous and i wish to get to know her even more. How should i do this correctly without her consider me just another pervert trying to hit on her everyday? im asian male who just turned 19 and she knows im younger than her.

[LBP]

As a rule, you don't want to go after bartenders. However, knowing that, you should remember that you ARE one of those perverts trying to hit on her. To think otherwise is semantics. The trick will be to distinguish yourself from all the other perverts, ie, find something interesting to do and say. If you don't have an overwhelming physical presense, and I assume that's the case, you need to find a way to appear unique and WORTH THE WHILE without coming off as show off, arrogant or any of the other pitfalls. Humor is the best avenue. If you don't have that in you, do something quirky, like quote something at her or ask an unusual question to get her opinion on a topic. Don't be a wuss and don't be a sheep.

 

Make her an oragami frog out of some bar napkins, for example. Be the dude that's worth knowing.

[CaptainPlanet]

I wouldn't bother going after bartenders or people employed in hospitality. There are bound to be plenty of single girls in the bar who are not the bartender. Hit on them instead. I have no idea how to ask out a bartender. Never done it as I assume the answer would be a flat out no. They're also known to be notoriously difficult to pick up.

 

Anyway: I'll give it a shot. I'd try to find her at a time when they are not busy. I'd stand at the end of the bar and I would say to her something like 'You seem like a really nice girl. I understand this probably isn't the best time, but I'd like to know if you are not seeing anyone would you let me buy you dinner ?'. Your going to get rejected because I can almost guarantee she is either insane, or has a boyfriend.

 

I know that is heavy handed but if you say it in a casual but confident manner without wetting your pants sometimes you get a good reaction. I cannot think of what you are otherwise going to do. If you are coming here asking for advice I'm assuming you are not the kind who will be able to crack enough jokes or build enough rapport to get her onto your side. I reckon that is your best shot. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

 

But man female bartenders are usually hired for their looks and will have tonnes of guys hitting on them all the time. They're also going to be trying to get big tips and most of them from what I can tell kinda hate their jobs.

[ghost69]

what is wrong with bartenders? curious.

 

i'd treat it like any other girl OP. just talk to her.

[LBP]

I don't go after bartenders because, one, they get it all the time and, two, they're paid to be nice to you. If she's falling over herself to flirt with me, that's one thing... Unless it's overt, I can't be bothered.

 

Also, one time I totally ruined my enjoyment of a particular bar because I pissed off the female bartender by flirting with her. That was a weird night.

[herbal]

One thing i know these women are nice to everyone, thats what they are paid to do......So i would not take her remembering your name as any special treatment (she needs to retain the customer). But hey, You never know so just give it shot anyway, what do you have to lose?

[Shudder]

they flirt for tips. i think one way to tell if she's more interested than usual is if she actually comes over and talks or rekindles conversation when theres nobody to serve. otherwise you're just another guy at the bar.

[mr1sparkle]

ya is bartender chick r hard eh.. im not gonna put all eggs in one basket but willing to try cuz shes really like a sweet little angel. i guess i ll have to talk to her more deeply like a friend and crack a few jokes. atleast she ll remember me the next time i talk to her

[epsilon2x]

Never tell a girl that you want to take her out to dinner. That's putting her up on a pedestal and she hears crap like that everyday. Don't ask her if she's single. Nothing like that.

 

The real trick to picking up waitresses and bartenders is doing it when you already have females around you. Then you don't have to prove yourself to her and look like a chump. You don't have to convince her by telling her she's a nice girl when she knows you just want to take her out because she is gorgeous.

 

One of my favorite quotes "Beautiful women breed more beautiful women". It's true. If a girl sees you with an attractive girl she will want you more. Invite some of your attractive female friends out with you. If they are not flirty with you to begin with, tell them your plan and tell them to just act flirty with you whenever you are around. Just look like you are the cool guy there and have other options.

 

However, do not have the girls talk you up to the bartender. If they do that, whats really going through the bartenders mind is "if this guy is so great, why don't you take him?"

 

Trust me, this works. I go out often with girls with the intent of hooking up with others. It takes practice but it makes it 1000 times easier.

 

Just something for everyone to think about. When you see a guy with the hottest girl at the bar. Most likely there are more girls around him that want him. Chances are it's not all because of his looks. It's just because women want what the other women want.

[jcrisph]

If you ask a bartender out while she is working, you have to be different or stand out in some way. they get hit on none stop.

[ghost69]

If you ask a bartender out while she is working, you have to be different or stand out in some way. they get hit on none stop.

 

yeah. order a jamaican tenspeed.

[drewciouS281]

for me personally my success with bartenders is to not even really give them the attention thier looking for. I meet a bartender, i talk to her like i would talk to one of my female friends and nothing more, at first atleast. Of course a bartender is going to consider you one of the rest of the guys but you have to make them feel comfortable enough to see you different. Strike conversations about normal stuff, i wouldnt even flirt on the first few occasions, dont even act interested at that. Once you notice her starting to open up, try to talk about an invitation topic. what i mean by this is a topic of maybe a sport or hobby you do and as her if she does the same, if so you can invite her for an outing.

 

For example: in my state we have alot of mountains and ski resorts so now that its winter i bring up snowboarding because about 95% of women love skiing or snowboarding. I work them up alittle on the subject, where theve been, where ive been, maybe throw some jokes in there etc. then in the end, i say "well, your gonna have to come boarding with me and my friends sometime". Throwing in the friends part will make her think that your not just trying to get her one on one. Even after that invitation dont exchange numbers or anything unless she gives it. let that thought simmer and the next time you go if she is interested either she will bring it up or you can casually bring it up. Bartenders (depending on the person they are) you have to take your time with.