he already knows..

[just mEe]

my boyfriend of 8 YEARS knows how i feel about strip clubs, i dont like them b/c i dont want him looking at other naked woman dancing around and iam self conscious about it. he never goes to them because he knows iam not comfortable with it, but this friday night he decided to go and didnt tell me until today(sunday). he first lied about it and said he went out afterward but forget where then proceeded to tell me 5 hours later that he went to the strip club. iam glad that he was honest with me but we been having so many other problems and trying to work on our relationship and then he goes out and does this. how does he expect me to trust him? i have trust issues with him already to begin with. i just dont know what to do. we been fighting the past couple months and i know its not getting better but i dont have guts to break up with him...any comments? please, anything will help

[luvs2kayak]

have you considered counseling?

[just mEe]

i already go and so does he

[Sn0man]

Well I don't know about these other issues that you are having but what is so bad about guys going to strip clubs? 99% of us who go to them aren't there to drool over naked women. It's just some place guys go to to hang out every so often because sitting at a pub gets boring after a while. Plus you should be even less concerned about them because strip clubs consist of 95% male patrons, so it's not like he's out there looking for other women.

[waveseer]

Sn0man, you may not be there to look at naked women but you're not sitting around the barbershop either.

[just mEe]

its just the fact that he knows how i feel about them but yet he still decided to go and do that. why would he want to cause more problems?

[just mEe]

thanks ready2heal! i agree

[dreamwarrior]

Sn0man, you may not be there to look at naked women but you're not sitting around the barbershop either.

 

 

hahaaaaaaaaaaa ....lmao............good one!

[Sn0man]

its just the fact that he knows how i feel about them but yet he still decided to go and do that. why would he want to cause more problems?

Maybe because he already knows you're on the outs, so he's rebelling.

[waveseer]

its just the fact that he knows how i feel about them but yet he still decided to go and do that. why would he want to cause more problems?

 

You are correct, he disrespected you by doing exactly what you told him would upset you.

 

The question is why does he not choose to consider your feelings? Maybe it's because he doesn't care about you as much as he'd like you to think he does.

 

Or more simply put, at the time that he made the decision to go and went he was more interested in what the strip club had to offer than what you had to offer.

[dreamwarrior]

what is good for the goose is good for the gander...heck I never been to a male strip club in my life, but you know I had thought about going...and perhaps so should you! And the guys there better take it all OFF! My ex used to dance nude for me and for 44...gotta admit he is very muscular and hot looking latin/italian guy, but for all those great looks his rotten personality made all his good looks go right down the drain....anyway all the drugs he was doing made him lose alot of weight and look like a shriveled up old man...so I am sure looking at nice hot guys might make me feel much better....heck I might even become a regular...go out with my gf at work...YAY !!!

[just mEe]

ya we both know our relationship isnt doing so well and tonight when we were fighting he talks to me like im a piece of sh*t and i told him this was not acceptable. he said that he was fed up and im lucky he is still my boyfriend. but yet, we still want to work things out but he is making it worse.

[waveseer]

I would not be interested in watching men try to act sexy. lol

[waveseer]

ya we both know our relationship isnt doing so well and tonight when we were fighting he talks to me like im a piece of sh*t and i told him this was not acceptable. he said that he was fed up and im lucky he is still my boyfriend. but yet, we still want to work things out but he is making it worse.

 

You are not and will not be lucky as long as he IS still your boyfriend.

[Sn0man]

You are correct, he disrespected you by doing exactly what you told him would upset you.

Rebelling. I agree with this statement.

 

The question is why does he not choose to consider your feelings? Maybe it's because he doesn't care about you as much as he'd like you to think he does.

I wouldn't go as far as to infer that.

 

Or more simply put, at the time that he made the decision to go and went he was more interested in what the strip club had to offer than what you had to offer.

Again, I wouldn't go as far as to infer that, either.

[just mEe]

he said he was only there for an hour with a friend and sat at the bar and just looked.

[dreamwarrior]

He must think alot of himself...what a jerk....you might be better off without him.....I would give him the doorknob.

[just mEe]

but its so hard, i dont know if i can break up with him..he has been the love of my life for 8 years

[waveseer]

Has he acted as if you've been the love of his life for 8 years?

[just mEe]

yes he does, most of the time

[dreamwarrior]

Nonsense, you going to allow a guy to treat you bad?? I met my ex when I was 39 years old and he was my first love...and he treated me like crap so I showed him the freakin doorknob.....grrrrrrrrrrrrr.....I waited most my life to have true feelings, when I never was able to love anyone other than my mother...and this person is going to stomp all over my heart....................NOT!!!!!

 

He is not the only guy in the world.

 

Well, he is not acting like the love of your life now if he is treating you like s*it!

[waveseer]

I'm confused, so I understand why you might be confused too.

 

Is this topic about one isolated incident or does he disrespect you often?

[just mEe]

we have alot of other issues since we have been together for so long. mainly trust issues and fighting all the time about everything. his parents got divorced and it really did a toll on him. i love them with all my heart, but he is angry at the world and i blame them for most of our problems because he is always involved and they make him involved

[bulletproof]

its just the fact that he knows how i feel about them but yet he still decided to go and do that. why would he want to cause more problems?

 

Because maybe he disagrees that going to a strip club is a bad thing. The people we love are not always going to agree with us or do what we want just to avoid causing problems.

 

You are talking about two separate issues here: the fact that you are fighting all the time, have trust problems, etc., vs. the fact that he went to a strip club despite knowing how you feel about it.

 

If you're fighting all the time, I'm not sure why you're together at all, despite the fact that it's been eight years.

 

Further, he is an adult and neither you nor he should be blaming his parents at this stage. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.

 

Personally, I don't see the big deal about a strip club, but I would take great offense to someone saying I'm "lucky" to be with him. You might want to rethink this whole relationship- it sounds unhealthy.

[doyathink]

Walking away from someone you love dearly...should take a lot of thought, and time spent weighing the good and bad.

 

Does he disrespect you often? Does he show you that he loves you often? Does he deliberately go out and do these type of things on a regular basis...or does he usually respect how you feel about it, and stays away from things that will damage this relationship?

 

Is this a dealbreaker...or something that you think you can overcome. Providing that things will change.

The two of you certainly need an open line of communication for the survival of your relationship.