Ex tried to contact me unsuccessfully...what do I do?

[anya85]

So it's been 15 days since I've spoken to the ex. Not long at all, really, but the longest I've ever gone without speaking to him. He tried to IM me not long ago, but I had my away message up. I was here, but I was reading and not necessarily paying attention to the computer. That's the first time he's tried to contact me and my first reaction was to want to answer him right away. But...I resisted. I need some insight.

 

For some back story, we had a short relationship. He broke up with me at the end of September saying he only saw me as a friend, but he thought I was great, he wanted to remain friends. I was blown away by this...I had known he had some doubts but I thought we were good for each other and that we'd work through it. At least, that's how he'd acted right up until the end--like he wanted to try and make it work. I changed my mind a lot after that--between trying to be his friend like he wanted and distancing myself. I ended up staying his friend. But it was hard. I missed him a lot. I took every little thing he said as some "hint" that he was still interested, while in reality, I don't think he was. He seemed to be lonely, he hinted that he had felt depressed some. Then he started telling me how he hoped he'd meet the right girl and that he felt like he wasn't "putting himself out there" enough. I was shocked. Here I had been stupidly thinking he wanted to get back with me.

 

Well, I decided quickly to let it all out and tell him that I wasn't over it. That I did still have feelings for him and I wasn't sure how to take what he'd said. I told him I was confused and I wasn't sure what I should do. He apologized. Said he hadn't meant to hurt my feelings and that he felt like an a**hole, he didn't know I felt that way. I told him it was ok--that it was a burden off me to get it out after pretending everything was fine for two months. I guess I saw his response as the clear rejection I'd been waiting for. I couldn't really hang on after that. So, I didn't speak to him again or contact him in any way. And that's how it's been since 15 days ago. I'm wondering what he could possibly want to say to me... It just feels like it's been such a long time since we've talked...even though it's barely been over two weeks. What should I do?

[duppy_conqueror]

perhaps wait until you've sorted through ur feelings and have had time to get over it, properly. well done on your strength in NC btw, thats usually just one of hte toughest challenges in getting over a break up and moving forward.

[quirky]

He misses your company, got tired of spending time just with his mates and probably wants a chat. If he truly wants anything more he will try much harder. I would ignore him if I was you, the more unattainable you are the better! x

[I 3 Olives]

perhaps wait until you've sorted through ur feelings and have had time to get over it, properly. well done on your strength in NC btw, thats usually just one of hte toughest challenges in getting over a break up and moving forward.

 

This is very good advice.

 

I was in a very similar situation to yours earlier this year. We clicked immediately & completely enjoyed each others company. But it didn't take long to realise we wanted different things - which sucked coz we were so awesome together!

 

The good thing is your Ex was honest with you. Don't lose sight of that. It means a lot that he values you enough to be upfront.

 

Stay NC till you figure out truly how you feel. It took me a while to be able to talk again, and it wasn't until I realised that we definitely wanted different things,and that he wasn't ready or able to give me that. In fact because we'd only dated a short time I also began to recognise big incompatibilities between us. Once I was sure of what I wanted and where I was, then I felt comfortable talking with him again.

 

As for being friends, thats something that will happen if its right. I rarely remain friends with Ex's, but in this case we have been able to and he has become a very dependable mate whom I can talk to about anything.

 

Hope I've helped!

xox

[anya85]

Yeah, so I didn't reply to him yesterday. I just logged off later. The way I see it right now...if he's just trying to chit chat or he's curious, well that's not worth my time and we can skip that. If he has some real to say to me, you're right, he'll just have to try harder. And if he does have something important to say to me--and my lack of an immediate response turns him off, well it wasn't important enough to worry about any way.

 

It's an odd feeling I have right now. I'm feeling 50/50. Part of me would like to have the opportunity to pursue that. But an equal part says too many complications have come up and it's easier to close that book and move forward. We'll see if he tries again.