please remind me why breaking NC is awful! feeling tempted :(

[lolisa]

hey everyone!

 

i'm on my 3rd week of NC. [geez, feels like its been months! its like time is barely passing these last 3 weeks. who would have thought it would be such a challenge to not call/contact someone.... :S ]

 

anyways... i'm trying really hard not to contact him. i keep bribing myself saying that i can call him when i can handle his reaction [which i'm going to assume will not be what i want to hear]. he emailed me 2 weeks ago and i didn't reply... not really sure i have anything else to say to him. it was a total grass is greener breakup. its hard to move on when there's so many questions about what happened. i really don't want to be curious about him/how he's doing. i don't *want* to want to call anymore!!

 

anyways! i was hoping people could vent/talk about some of their breaking NC stories - best and worst. then all the wishy-washy peeps like me could read them and be dissuaded from breaking our hard earned NC! i'm going to post on here whenever i feel tempted - if you're feeling tempted too try to post here instead.

 

thanks everyone for all your support!

L.

[littlestar]

Hi lolisa.

 

NC certainly is one of the more harder things i have had to do in my life. I am on day 91 today and it has been far from easy. There were many times i got so close (including last night) when i broke down and ALMOST contacted him. But somehow i always find the strength to stick to NC.

 

He broke NC on day 1 and messaged me - which i did actually respond to. Day 63 or 64 (cant remember now) he tried to contact me with a message but this time i didnt respond - i felt truly empowered.

 

He has been far from good with NC as i've had some "hang up" calls on my phone which i am certain are him and he has been doing drive bys past my place, beeping his horn, and shouting out like an idiot.

 

ENA is a great place for support when you're feeling weak and feel like you're going to break NC. So many wonderful, supportive and helpful people on here.

 

Try to remember why you're on NC and perhaps distract yourself by going to see a movie, shout yourself to a coffee, facial or massage!

Pampering is a good way to forget him temporarily

 

Well done on reaching 3 weeks of NC, this is no easy task - be proud of your efforts.

[justletgo07]

DON'T BREAK NC!

 

I did yesterday, after almost 1 month of NC. I REGRET IT! No matter what, his response will likely disappoint you. You may not even feel like you care about what his response will be, but as soon as you receive it, YOU WILL. It was around the 3-4 week period that I started to forget the hurt, and relapsed with the warm & fuzzy feelings, etc. Keep moving through this time. You'll get past it and be glad you did! If you break NC and contact him, it won't matter what you say. This is essentially what your message will convey:

 

"Hi! Just in case you were wondering or even thinking about giving me a second chance, I'm still here pining for you!"

 

Don't do it. I promise you that no matter what, you'll regret it. I also got the "not in love with you anymore" line from my gf, who after breaking up with me proceeded to sleep with me on multiple occasions and lead me on for over 2 weeks. I have lots of unanswered questions, but you know what, I think they may just have to go unanswered.

 

Even though NC sucks, it does give you your sense of power and control back...you know, the one they ripped out of you when they dumped you? Why should you sacrifice that feeling again for someone who doesn't think you're good enough to be with?

 

I've read in many places that it is usually 2-3 months down the line, minimum, that an ex really begins to feel the effects of the decision they made (particularly if they left because of a loss of feelings). But ONLY IF NC IS MAINTAINED! Right now, he is probably still telling himself, his family, and everyone he knows that he did the right thing. He is probably very sure that leaving you was the right thing to do and is likely happy with his decision to do so. Give it time to simmer. Odds are, he may discover that what was the right decision at the time was in fact the dumbest thing he's ever done. Of course, he may never look back, but either way, by sticking to NC, you win!

[confused_255]

Lolisa, please don't do it for your own sake.

 

This constitutes as breaking NC, but also it doesn't, in a way i guess. I looked at her picture today after being broken up for 3 months, in no contact for about 2.5 months. I saw many guys complimenting on her picture on facebook (the one i looked at) and i started to cry almost immediately, i had her out of my head for almost 2 weeks and was moving on with my life (random thoughts about her of course but i tried my best to keep her out of my mind). now im all messed up again and i CAN'T WAIT for the day to be over.. sadly its only 10:30am. i didn't even really look at the picture consciously, it was purely subconscious reaction on seeing her picture and now i regret it completely.

 

The thing was for me is that peoples stories about breaking NC did nothing for me for some reason i always figured it a good idea to see for myself and realize the hurt that kicks me back into reality everytime. It's so painful ... i hope you stay strong because you might find out something you don't want to.

[lolisa]

thank you so much for your stories everyone - honestly you really stopped me from calling. i had a day at home where i wasn't busy [the first since it happened - i try to keep myself really busy right now... hahaha, for this very reason!] and i found myself wondering about what he was doing, was he thinking of me, didn't he miss me blah blah blah! thank you so much you guys - i *know* i would have felt so miserable no matter what reaction i got so thank you for saving me from myself!

 

littlestar - wow! congratulations on your nc! i hope to make it there eventually too! you're an inspiration.

 

justletgo - your post stopped me when i was staring at my phone - thank you! you are totally right, i was forgetting all the pain and just reminiscing on all the 'warm fuzzies'. and yes, i only think i'm ready to take what contacting him would bring. when i read your post and thought more about it i realized that i would only be hurt or angry or confused. i'm feeling pretty good [well, ish ;D ] these days so why would i risk that. i hope you're doing alright - we all get tempted and it easily could have been me posting the same. and you're right - this is the only way to get my power back. he emailed me 2 weeks ago apologizing and saying to call if i wanted to talk. i didn't think that was good enough and didn't respond. it hurts that he hasn't even phoned since, but at least i'm the one that ended communication. lol, a small victory is still a victory! ;D please let me know how you're doing and def let us know if you need any help!

 

confused - thats awful!!! i'm so sorry that happened. don't be angry at yourself though - i know if my ex was on facebook it would be near impossible not to check or dig for anything. i'm so grateful i don't have that hanging over me!! i def would not have made it 2.5 months without doing that so really don't beat yourself up about it. i'm pretty sure that if i did some snooping i most definitely would find something i didn't want to. i have that feeling. i hope you're doing much better now! let us know how you are!

 

thanks again everyone!

 

 

ps - don't think i'm out of the woods yet, think i'm just on an up part of the rollercoaster so more than likely i'll be back here trying not to call/text/email. but thank you for giving me an outlet to do that!!

[lolisa]

found a letter i wrote to myself on valentine's day last year... he brought me flowers to my work and i was so surprised and happy. had never had that before. i'm pretty down now... i keep imagining him with someone else, happy and totally over us. i know i shouldn't do that and trust me i'm trying really hard not to. anyways, reading that made me want to call so bad so i just came on here instead. wish i would just snap out of it and move on already. he hasn't called once, so obviously he already has. thanks for letting me vent.

[justletgo07]

I made the mistake of looking at my ex's facebook profile today....and commenting on it...It seems that once NC is broken once, it is easier to slip. I wish I would snap out of it too.

 

I would suggest getting the book "How to Fall Out of Love". I have been reading it, and doing the activities it suggests actually really helps. I have gotten to the point now where I don't want her back as much as I want to stop hurting.

[lolisa]

ok, so tonight was my work christmas party - lots of fun and booze, and surprise surprise everything is great till i get home. i want to call so bad. i've been having dreams again and again the last few weeks and i hate it. i don't want to worry about him anymore, or wonder who he's with, or torture myself picturing who he's with. i haven't heard from him in a month. he's obviously not doing too badly. so i come on enotalone like a loser almost everyday to post about how badly i'm missing him. i miss him so bad. i refuse to call. some people have told me its adult to call, that i should let myself do that. but i just can't. the breakup was the most degrading thing i've ever experienced. i can't do that again to myself. if he was missing me the way i'm missing him, he'd call. thats the plain truth. yet, i still feel like i'm dying inside. everyday it gets easier and every day it gets harder. maybe i'm not in love with him anymore but i still love him to death every day. i hate that. he abandoned me. he dropped me like a hot rock. i dont' want to feel anything from him. ever again.

 

i know i'm venting right now. thats why i come on here. its the only thing that stops me calling. i have no closure. i need to accept that i may/probably never have it. it hurts so bad, every day. it doesn't feel like its getting any easier to bear. yet, i continue to come on enotalone and pour it all out to stop myself from making any mistakes. i guess eventually i'll call... but hopefully i wont miss him so terribly then.

 

feeling abjectly pathetic,

 

L.

[mijo]

Hey,

I'm having a pretty bad day today too.

Yesterday I felt quite motivated and didn't want to contact him, he commented on one my photos on facebook and I managed to ignore it. But today I woke up and just felt down - probably because it's the weekend and just before Christmas. I have a busy weekend planned but I cannot help feeling like I just want to spend it with him. I so badly want to text him and ask him what he's got planned for the holidays or if he's looking forward to Christmas but I know that I really really shouldn't.

I haven't text him since Sunday now, he text me 4 times on Monday which I ignored but he hasn't text me since then. I'm just in one of those awful pensive, why did this all go wrong moods.

I just hope I manage to get through the day without texting him!!