Convinve me I'm wrong? Please!?

[sillygurl]

Hi Everyone, thanks for reading.

 

OK, I've had this intuitive feeling that my ex and I are destined to end up together in the future for the last 2.5 of the 3 years (3 years and a few months) we were together... he's about 10 years younger than me, and I keep thinking that I need to let him free to sow his wild oats, and that in 3-4 years time, we'll both grow and change, and evolve emotionally into the people we are supposed to be for each other. I also get this feeling like we're supposed to continue being in each other's lives, on a friendly basis, until then.

 

I get these strong, intuitive feelings all the time, and I haven't been wrong in what I "see" with others before, so it's hard to ignore it! But it's just not realistic. I want to move on and stop feeling this way. I want to figure out how to convince my brain that this is just me fooling myself, and I need to get past it, because isn't that what EVERYONE does?? Doesn't everyone fool themselves into thinking that they have a future with a recent ex?

 

I've shared this with him, prior to our breakup, and he agrees- it isn't that he doesn't want to be with me, he just wants to have the careless freedom of a man in his early 20's. He wants to meet a lot of women, and have a lot of experiences, like every guy his age.

 

We've both recently started seeing new people, and whenever I think about him with this new girl, my mind automatically goes to the thought that this she is just part of his learning process. It's ludicrous of me to think this way because We are broken up! I have to be kidding myself, right?

 

For the last week we've barely been on speaking terms, except for him sending me some very mixed messages, so I have to be wrong about this, don't you agree? He probably just likes thinking that I'll be in the background in case he needs a warm body some night, and is only agreeing to my "vision" of our supposed future together so he has a "fall back plan" in me, right?

 

Has anyone ever been through this before, where you just "knew" you'd end up together with your ex, then been proven horribly wrong? If so, please tell me your story. I just want to move on with my life, and forget him, even though doing so feels so terribly wrong inside. I've got to be kidding myself, right? Isn't this some stage of grief- "denial" or something?

 

Thanks for reading, and your input. I'm sorry if this is a weird request.

 

-SG

[waveseer]

Yes, I have thought this and I must say that it was an impossible thought to get rid of entirely so I needed to amend it slightly in order to fully get on with my life.

 

Instead of thinking that we would be intertwined indefinitely in the future external existence I chose to believe that we would be intertwined indefinitely from now until forever in the internal existence. We had a profound and lasting effect on each other.

[sillygurl]

That's good advice, thank you! So... you never had a future with the person after the break up, did you? The one you thought would be your future?? I just want to get out of denial and move on. It's so painful.

[waveseer]

No, and I would be foolish to expect anything to come of it anymore.

[sillygurl]

siiigh... thank you, Ready. How long did it take you to realize he wasn't in your future? Tell me it wasn't a year or more, lol! I don't think I can handle that, we have a class together next semester.

 

It helps that I'm seeing someone who just got out of a 3 year relationship, as well, because we can talk to each other about our feelings as we go through the healing process, and laugh @ the mistakes we've both made.

[waveseer]

I think I realized it before I stopped going out of my way for him but accepting it took me a long time. If I had had ena to turn to for support it would not have taken me nearly as long. From the time I decided to get over it once and for all until the day I felt I was took two months. I had other losses to heal from as well and everything was piled up waiting for me to address it. Ena helped me go through one loss at a time and the kind people here held my hand while I struggled with acceptance. You'll be fine, you're ready to let go.