Pros & Cons of breaking NC ?

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

Well, it's the 5th day of NC for me & I am seriously considering contacting him, just for some sense of peace at heart with myself & him as well. I am not as interested in a relationship anymore, but I just want to let him know that I am still here for him, I still do care, I love him & always will. I want to be friends. Even if he rejects my request, I will feel much better knowing I put myself out there for him and he declined. I don't want to have any regrets. It is so hard for me to go to sleep at night. I see stories on here of people who are 3, 4, 5 months into NC, but honestly I feel like I won't be able to go another week like this.

 

 

What are the pro's and con's of deciding to break NC? What if he's waiting for me to call as I usually do, what if he just wants me to call to know that I care? He seemed as if he was doubting how much I really care about him (simply because of his own insecurities), so what if this proves to him that I really infact do care? Then again, I don't want him to feel as if I can't live without him in my life. I can't have him thinking that I am nothing without him.

 

 

So again, the question arises : What are the pro's and con's of deciding to break NC? Do the pro's outweigh the con's (or vice versa) ?

[waveseer]

It is so hard for me to go to sleep at night.

 

For this reason I think you aren't far enough over him yet to be friends.

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

I am not over him yet, but I am at that point where I am willing to accept the friendship and nothing more. I lose sleep because I am just not at peace with myself, I feel like I could be making a big mistake not letting him know.

[laisla]

i understand your feelings. sometimes if we give it one last shot then we know we tried our best, and it can help us get over them. how about if you make a promise to yourself not to contact him after just a few more days? 5 days might not be enough.

[JMichelle124]

Honestly, you think that this is what you want because it will feel better to have contact with him and for that moment it will but then you will want it again and again until he finally says NO MORE! ANd wouldn't you rather go out being the one that said NO MORE??

Believe me I feel you I have been 2 weeks no contact, broke it, then went another two weeks, and broke it AGAIN now I am only one day and I want more than anything to call and ask him to hang out but if he wanted to talk wouldn't he be calling me?f he wanted to hang out couldn't he pick up the phone.

 

I just think that your heart is broken and really you don't know what you want or what is right for you.

 

Get back to you!

He'll eventually give in, they always do!

[waveseer]

I am not over him yet, but I am at that point where I am willing to accept the friendship and nothing more. I lose sleep because I am just not at peace with myself, I feel like I could be making a big mistake not letting him know.

 

The biggest lesson I learned from my best relationship so far is that I must make peace with myself first. I cannot rely on or expect another person to give me peace. Furthermore, it is unfair for me to ask someone to do something for me that I need to do for myself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I reviewed your other threads and it seems to me like you have been off and on with him for a long time. This is a totally dysfunctional relationship..he is controlling and manipulative, you are co-dependent. I would stick to no contact or else you will continue going round and round the same circle with him.

[blemished]

Rule #1: There are no pros to breaking NC.

 

I repeat, and you should repeat, there are no pros to breaking NC.

 

Want to know why? Because if this person wanted to talk to you, they would. If this person wanted to make the relationship work, they would try to. If they tried and you both failed-- then it is time to move on. Which brings me to Rule #2.

 

Rule #2: You cannot move away from something if it is still there.

 

You need to move on from this relationship by leaving it in the past, not letting it be part of your present, because it is definitely not part of your future!

 

So do the right thing and continue with NC. If in the future there is a friendship there, it will occur naturally after both of you have had time to heal and resume your lives & happiness independent of each other.

 

Good luck during this hard time. Come to Enotalone often if it helps, I am here for ya.

[lady00]

You don't want to be friends. You want to tell him you will always love him and you still hope that he does too, right? That's totally different. I mean, you say you want to be friends, but you don't seem to fully realize what that entails. You are too emotional and not over him. Friends date other people, they may even complain, brag, discuss that with each other. You are not ready for that and may never be.

 

There are no pros to breaking NC in a situation like this.

[littlestar]

I am on day 91 of NC and i am still trying to figure out the good in it.

 

It hasn't helped me heal and i am feeling worse everyday.

[JMichelle124]

Littlestar-

Have you been going out with friends still, tried casual dating, or just new hobbies or activities, working out?

I am not going to lie when you say you have been 91 days with NC and don't feel better at all it stesses me out...because I can barely go one day and I am counting on the NC to get me over this hump in my life.

 

I am thinking of you...