Jump to content

Loki71

Recommended Posts

This week we will be meeting for the final steps of the divorce. I have mixed feelings on it. Half of me just wants to get it over and done with so I can maybe start trying to be happy again and the other half is hurting so bad cause it's done. I gave my heart and soul to this person and now it's over. I know I wasn't the best husband but I sure wasn't the worst either. I never laid a hand on her, I never was like my dad and at the bar everynight and I tried to give her everything she ever needed except the one thing she wanted the most, the attention. Sure it was there at first but I got sucked into the online world of gaming and that was my fault. I do not blame her for wanting the attention. So here we are, she is moving on and I am slowly fallen apart. Day by day more of me dies. I hope this has some hidden silver liner but I don't see it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So very sorry to hear about your divorce...hope you are okay.

 

My ex is an drug addict, but knows people with other types of addictions as well. My ex told me of one guy he knows who loves gaming and the fella lost everything...he is sitting on a milk crate with his laptop now....nothing in his apartment, wife gone...and at this point I don't even know if he still has a place to live...I don't know him personally.

 

Hopefully if you have this problem then you must seek some help or this will continue to follow you around in your new life and/or relationships.

 

Good luck to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So very sorry to hear about your divorce...hope you are okay.

 

My ex is an drug addict, but knows people with other types of addictions as well. My ex told me of one guy he knows who loves gaming and the fella lost everything...he is sitting on a milk crate with his laptop now....nothing in his apartment, wife gone...and at this point I don't even know if he still has a place to live...I don't know him personally.

 

Hopefully if you have this problem then you must seek some help or this will continue to follow you around in your new life and/or relationships.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

The gaming ended but to little to late.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tex,

 

This is just one more step down the path of your life. This will be basically finishing up some of your past that has hurt you greatly. You know it can't be undone and you also know you have learned more than you ever would have without all this happening.

 

I see the silver lining is that you will be a better father to your children. I also see a man that has looked inside and didn't like what he saw and is figuring out what he wants for his life and setting out to attain it. You often mention 37 yrs of being this way.......... Well in the last few months you have been breaking out of those bad habits, ways of thinking and trying. How much trying to better yourself did you do before she left you? This is the catalyst to the rest of your life. It might not seem like much yet, but as soon as the uncertainty is gone you will know where you stand and build from there. You are taking control back and it is up to you which way is the best for you and your children.

 

lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tex,

 

We have all been where you are. I know I felt that parts of me were dying from time to time.

 

The one part that I know I was glad that died was most of my ego and the its maladaptive ways. The part that regrets the past and dreads the future is not so much a part of me. It tries to sneak back as a force in my life but I realize it and that is all that needs to be done to diminsih its unpleasant effects.

 

The emotions that you find unpleasant (to probably say the least) are caused in reaction to the past that you drag up, the future that is scary and unknown (fear), and the present that you might sense as unacceptable at the moment. It is not what is said, thought, or felt (yesterday, tomorrow or today) towards us by others that can do us any harm. It is our reactions to those that can cause us suffering. WE cause ourself that emotional pain in our response to those actions and events.

 

Staying centered to me means accepting the present moment as it is for how can things be otherwise? Trying to change the past is not rational and looking to the future for our salvation is equally ineffective. These actions take away our concentration from the only time that we can deal with and make change, right now.

 

To me, I do what I can right now what seems rational to me, but I let the outcome come as it may without judging it or wanting to be other than it has turned out in the moment it becomes the present.

 

It is difficult (it was for me) to see these while our world, as we have known it, is turned upside down and unfamiliar. We have based our identites on the familiar. Sorry, but this is egoic in nature, dysfunctional, and far from the truth. We can all feel this way but it is to what level we allow this to gain dominance over our lives and decision making tha determines how much suffering we go through.

 

My "essential wounds" persuaded me to seek another path. Let the ego die on the vine in order to let the real person inside come to the forefront. This without all the interference of the incessant mind of thoughts and the emotions that are created in reaction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...