I'm getting annoyed

[xmrth]

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years now, in our mid 20's, we don't live together yet because money does not grow on trees and the economy is terrible, jobs are being lost and we don't need to worry about struggling like many people we know of! I mention this because everyone seems to think we should be living together or engaged simply because we've been together for so long.

So within a year and a half we will be living together, whether the economy is any different, it's time, and money for us will be better.

 

And I think that is my problem-- being with someone for this long, there IS a difference between living together and not living together while you're exclusive with someone, but it also depends on who you live with if you're not living together.

Currently we both live at home.

 

I've gotten to the point where after a long work week I just want to stay in and relax on the weekends. He wants to do the same thing with me, we both enjoy doing the same things, we both like to relax after work. We see eachother on weekends due to schedules and distance and I would much rather too.

 

But living at home and not living on our own together I am understanding really truly are two separate things.

 

Like today, I don't want to do anything. He will come over and relax with me and watch football. Normally we would just cuddle and watch it together, but right now I just want some time to do things in other rooms of the house or just plain be by myself... I feel like when he comes over, I have to stop what I'm doing to sit down with him-- and he doesn't mind what I do, but it's just not the same if I do something else while he's there, I feel bad and it doesn't feel natural since it's not -our- home. I could keep cleaning my room with him there but I don't want to... I just want to be by myself as it's MY room.

 

Basically, most times I'd rather be in another room by myself reading a book or cleaning something up. I feel like my whole day comes to a screeching halt when he comes over and I can't just relax...

And he wouldn't mind if I told him I didn't feel like seeing him, he would never bother me or anything about it, but I DO want to see him so why would I tell him I don't want to?

 

I think it has everything to do with living together, we've been in this same place for so long and it's been fun every step of the way. But now that I'm out of college and have been working for the past year, my weekend which is my time off and also the only time we can see eachother, I just want to relax...

 

Living together we would come home from work, have dinner watch TV together or do something else. On the weekends we could see eachother the same but he'd do his thing and I'd do mine and we'd go out for dinner afterwards and spend the night together.

 

I don't really know, seeing as my complaints are about something that can't happen for some time from now-- and we're not looking for ways to make it happen sooner, we do not want to live in a crappy place and worry about bill or worry about either of us getting laid off and I've got student loans and haven't got even a penny saved. I just feel REALLY bad that I feel this way though.

 

Can't anyone relate?

[emma34]

i don't see what the difference is. u explained what u will likely do (watch tv together, do ur own thing on the weekend, etc.)

what exactly is the problem?

[xmrth]

There is a huge difference, we're not living together, this is not our house. I can't really explain it better than I did, obviously we'll do the same things but its not the same. Living together and him coming over my house are two completely different things. Wouldn't it be weird to have my boyfriend over my parents house with me and he's in my bedroom while I'm in another part of the house? And I wouldn't want to do that. We're not going to play house at my parents house and it just simply doesn't work that way, I don't like that. He's not going to do his thing here while I go out to grab something at the store, that's something you do when you live together.

 

It's not the same thing.

 

I'm curious who else is going through what I'm talking about here in this vent.

[COtuner]

My BF and I do not live together, it's been 4 years. Because we don't live together (and our time together is actually fairly limited), time together is spent sitting with the tv or out driving around somewhere. We don't do things separately while together.

 

He has told me I can have my own special room in our house, when we buy one, that's where I can go to do my things. Separate DVR, my own computer area, my own music area, etc etc. He wants his own place too. So I think in the future we are going to be ok with doing separate stuff, but I still worry that the first time I tell him "nah, I'd really rather go read a book, or listen to music" that he'll be offended. I like my privacy, I've been alone for 38 years. Tough to change that!

 

Doesn't help that he kind of takes over when he comes to visit my place. That spooks me sometimes.

[redhearts]

Have you talked to him about it? Do you guys spend way too much time together that you don't have time to do things on your own? Because you say that you are wanting to do other things while he does something when you come over. So maybe if you had a little less time together?

 

Joking, but money does grow on trees its made out of paper.

[Botched]

Perhaps you aren't ready to live together. That's okay. Why must you do this?