How picky is too picky when it come to looks?

[Laura11111]

Hi there,

I'm just getting back into the dating world after a ltr break-up, four months ago.

 

One problem that I'm having is that I'm very picky when it comes to looks. I won't date a jerk because he's hot but I have passed up many nice men because I'm not attracted to them. I know it's normal to not want to date someone you're not attracted to but my standards are very high so there aren't many men for me to choose from.

 

I want a reasonably tall man with a handsome face and a muscular body. He also has to have a good job and be caring, honest, loyal, and fun. Do you think that's too much to hope for? Am I being unreasonable?

 

So far, I've only been communicating with men via a dating website so I haven't really gotten to know anyone's personality. Maybe that's the problem...the only way to sort though the many e-mails is to delete the ones that are ugly and then go from there. I also delete ones that have poor grammer...lol.

 

Hmmm...what do you think?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think personality, you should have a model but you should let that model be flexible. Keep the core values in tact but allow some of the details to be smudged if needed.

 

With looks, be really flexible. Looks grow on people.

 

But, know your limits. If you can't see yourself letting them grow on you, don't force it.

[DN]

I want a reasonably tall man with a handsome face and a muscular body. He also has to have a good job and be caring, honest, loyal, and fun.

and single of course?

 

There are men like that although most of them inhabit the pages of romance novels but if you find one in real life be prepared for the fact that his standards may be as exacting as yours.

[iwishiknew]

I wish a lot of girls were not so picky when it come to looks. If girls were not so picky, I would of had a date by now and even a gf.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I wish a lot of girls were not so picky when it come to looks. If girls were not so picky, I would of had a date by now and even a gf.

 

Do you ask out girls you find unattractive?

 

Maybe you shouldn't be so picky.

[Loki71]

There has to be some physical attraction. But if your looking for nothing but the best looking guys then like DN said don't be surpirsed if thats what they are looking for too.

[Samedy]

I wish a lot of girls were not so picky when it come to looks. If girls were not so picky, I would of had a date by now and even a gf.

 

I see lots of girls out and about dating absolute toads. So it isn't all about looks. It's about money too...... Andy I'm sure personality has a part in it.

[Shyguy24]

Yeah you are really picky to be blunt. Unreasonable not , rash yes .

[VioletFig]

I think personality, you should have a model but you should let that model be flexible. Keep the core values in tact but allow some of the details to be smudged if needed.

 

With looks, be really flexible. Looks grow on people.

 

But, know your limits. If you can't see yourself letting them grow on you, don't force it.

 

 

Like Debaser said. Looks grow on people.

I've thought guys were incredibly handsome BECAUSE I loved them.

And then when they've hurt me or we've broken up I look back and go oh they were kinda funny looking.

 

But I ADORED their personalities, something cute about them and that transformed them.

[VioletFig]

and single of course?

 

There are men like that although most of them inhabit the pages of romance novels but if you find one in real life be prepared for the fact that his standards may be as exacting as yours.

 

And men who KNOW or IMAGINE they're the full package often come with a nice big helping of ego overload.

I'd rather be with a sweet cute quirky lovebug.

 

[DN]

And men who KNOW or IMAGINE they're the full package often come with a nice big helping of ego overload.

True - and it is also true for women who imagine the same thing. If there are perfect people I have never met one - even in the mirror.

[iwishiknew]

Do you ask out girls you find unattractive?

 

Maybe you shouldn't be so picky.

 

Yes I have before, girls with the same interests as me. I am not picky at all.

[iwishiknew]

I see lots of girls out and about dating absolute toads. So it isn't all about looks. It's about money too...... Andy I'm sure personality has a part in it.

 

Yeah I know it is not all about looks. But looks are important "first impression" Yes it is about money also, which I do not have a lot of money. I make less than 20k a year, I am poor

[Clarity]

I also delete ones that have poor grammer...lol

 

Oh, the irony.

[VioletFig]

Yeah I know it is not all about looks. But looks are important "first impression" Yes it is about money also, which I do not have a lot of money. I make less than 20k a year, I am poor

 

Ive dated guys who run hedge funds, I ve dated guys who could be male models.

Its ALL about personality after a few dates.

Humor

Brains

Sweetness

Confidence

That can make up for lack of looks or money you will find.

Having a woe is me attitude won't help you much.

Dont loose your humility, but do try and act like you have something intrinsic of value to offer a girl.

[VioletFig]

Maybe that's the problem...the only way to sort though the many e-mails is to delete the ones that are ugly and then go from there. I also delete ones that have poor grammer...lol.

 

Hmmm...what do you think?

 

 

I hope that you spelled grammar wrong on purpose..

I think you should post a photo and we can tell you what you can draw.

 

[kaoticbaby]

I think personality, you should have a model but you should let that model be flexible. Keep the core values in tact but allow some of the details to be smudged if needed.

 

With looks, be really flexible. Looks grow on people.

 

But, know your limits. If you can't see yourself letting them grow on you, don't force it.

i agree. sometimes if we hold out for certain standards, nobody ever seems good enough and we could end up being alone. but there needs to be SOME sexual attraction, so don't try to force something that is just not happening.

 

i don't think you're unreasonable. we'd all like our partner to have specific traits. we just need to be willing to be flexible, like debaser said.

[g84]

Hmm, i don't know. I think it's okay to have a few preferences in mind, but it does sound like you're kind of on the picky side imo. I think it's always better to be more flexible. If you go around with a very specific image in your mind of the kind of guy you like physically, it might be holding you back in a way. Try your best to stay open, and when you find yourself attracted to someone, you never know- it may even be a guy that does not match what you had imagined. I also agree that looks can grow on you. You might see a guy and think that he's ''so-so'' in terms of looks, but if you connect with him in other ways you might start to see him very differently and feel even more attracted than you had imagined.

[CaptainPlanet]

I want a reasonably tall man with a handsome face and a muscular body. He also has to have a good job and be caring, honest, loyal, and fun. Do you think that's too much to hope for? Am I being unreasonable?

 

 

Probably, unless you are very attractive and can persuade the small number of tall, handsome muscular men working in the world of high finance to date you and stay with you above all the other dashing young women after the same thing.

[lady00]

Personally, I don't date people I am not attracted to. I don't think I've ever dated anyone that looks like a supermodel, but I've always been attracted to the people I've dated. I've passed up many nice men that were great but that I wasn't attracted to. I am fine with being alone if I can't find someone I find attractive. I am seeing someone now but I'd rather be alone than try to kid myself into being in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to.

[Traveler27]

I can totally relate to you, Laura. I actually posted a similar topic recently - here's the link if you're interested:

 

I think I have higher standards as well, and I am also having a difficult time finding guys that I am attracted to. I don't think it's too much to ask to find someone who has looks that you find appealing. It's especially hard when you have somewhat unique tastes, and do not go for the "typical hot guy". I appreciate beauty in a man's face, and his face has to have certain features that attract me.

 

I got out of a long-term relationship 7 months ago, and I've only met one guy that I was really physically attracted to - unfortunately it didn't work out. I guess all we can do is keep looking (and hoping) that some good looking guy will surface.

[ConfusedDater]

All the girls on the planet want that kind of guy so be ready to compete.

[Lowconfidence]

Yeah I know it is not all about looks. But looks are important "first impression" Yes it is about money also, which I do not have a lot of money. I make less than 20k a year, I am poor

 

I hope you are in school or just in transition. I think 20K a year in US is poverty level.

[Lowconfidence]

I want a reasonably tall man with a handsome face and a muscular body. He also has to have a good job and be caring, honest, loyal, and fun. Do you think that's too much to hope for? Am I being unreasonable?

 

Hmmm...what do you think?

 

I must imagine you being fit, attractive, loyal, and extremely sexual in order to attract a guy you are looking for. Always bear in mind the type of guy you want is what all those other ladies are looking for. And more than likely a guy you described knows what he is worth in the dating pool and good chances are he likes to play the field over and over.

[Batya33]

I agree that you should only date men you are attracted to but be careful not to confuse "i want a tall, muscular, handsome guy on my arm" with "I want to be with someone I click with" - those are two different standards. I was picky about looks when I was a teenager/maybe early 20s because I think I wanted that "status" of having mr. conventionally hot/cool on my arm. Then I matured and realized that while attraction and chemistry were essential I had enough self-confidence not to care what other people thought (obviously i cared/care some -- I like to feel proud of who I am with or associated with - but pride for me is focused on pride in how he carries himself, speaks, treats other people, not his physical features).

 

As an aside I typically found myself more attracted to shorter men and far more attracted to men with an intelligent look as opposed to a model look.