He's PERFECT for me, but ...

[havefaith]

I have this guy friend. When I've had a long day or am feeling completely worn out and miserable, he's the one I want to go to because he can make me laugh so easily. He puts me at ease all the time -- as soon as I get around him, every problem or worry I have seems to fade away. He's absolutely hilarious, incredibly smart, witty & can engage me intellectually, which seems so hard to find at the age of 21. We argue about/compete over sports all the time, he knows so much about my favorite sport and will do just about anything to win. He's completely spontaneous, will stay up all hours of the night just to do absolutely nothing with me, manages to be a partier and a "guy's guy" (everyone loves him) yet is a leader, a responsible guy & someone I can see making a great father someday.

 

I have never had a friendship feel so natural to me as it does with him. It's undefinable. If we aren't together, we are text messaging nonstop. If we ARE together, we're just drinking together or watching favorite youtube videos. It seems we never run out of things to do/talk about together. No one around us (in our group of friends) dares question what we have because it's just so unlike anything else, and weird to categorize.

 

So where's the problem?

 

I am not physically attracted to him.

 

He is the same height as me and not someone with striking good lucks. It sounds so shallow to say it. Ever since I broke up with my first boyfriend (who I dated for three year), I have been sort of dreaming of the next guy I get seriously involved in, and I just imagine him being someone dashingly handsome to me. I don't know if it's my age and hormones as a college girl.

 

So if he and I have this ridiculously great "situationship" as my roommate calls it, he fits almost everything I'm looking for other than this one glitch...

 

Can this ever work? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

[_Asti_]

There was no chemistry or physical attraction when I met my partner. It bothered me at first, but I still gave it a shot because he understood me, he was patient, had the same sense of humour, out interests were spot on..and as time went by and we spent time together, he was everything I wanted..so I decided to give it a shot and it was the best decision I ever made.

 

The attraction I have towards him NOW and the chemistry between us is INSANE. He makes me melt, I find him incredibly handsome and gorgeous and he's a completely beautiful person because of who he is, his personality and the fact that I am in love with him.

 

It may not be for everyone though. Some people need that initial "Walk into the room take my breath away.." type of guy, or need that initial chemistry. But a person came really become amazing and beautiful to YOU when you know them inside and out.

[Cirquel]

Well... if you're REPULSED by his appearance, I don't know... but if you're sensing something more is there, time will tell!

[DN]

Well, if you think he is spending so much time with you because he is attracted to you - then you should make it clear you aren't interested and let him find someone who appreciates all his qualities and is physically attracted to him. That will also give you all the time you will need to find a dashingly handsome guy who is interested in you.

 

Just be aware that good looks soon become just a face - and it's what is behind it that really matters to sustain a relationship. It isn't easy to find someone who makes every problem and worry fade away.

[havefaith]

Thanks all. I'm not repulsed by him, and honestly the more time I spend with him the better looking he has become to me.

 

DN, I see where you're coming from, and maybe it should be telling to me that when you suggested I let him know I'm not interested and just find someone else, the idea really made me feel sad. He has admitted to me that he and all of his guy friends think I'm gorgeous etc. and he pretty much told me he was interested and always had been (we were remarkably drunk at this time).

 

I do have feelings, I just don't know what to do with them. I can't describe them except to say I love being around him and he makes me smile/laugh. We do seem to have physical chemistry in that we are touchy with one another, but as for kissing him or something like that, that's harder for me to imagine. If I try to picture DATING him, it's like I can't get my mind to go that far with it... I feel like it almost works, but then is just too weird.

 

So far the solution has been "stop thinking about it/time will tell", but as DN hinted, the fear I have is leading him on only to decide it won't work.

[DN]

I think it would be unfair to him to lead him on. He sounds like a perfect guy for some lucky woman but it would seem that woman isn't you. Just as you want someone who is handsome he probably wants someone who finds him attractive and it wouldn't be right to pretend when it isn't true. Imagine how he would feel if he found out in some way that you don't find the idea of kissing him something you would like?

 

Sometimes in life you have to put other people's best interests ahead of your own and this seems to me to be a good example of that. It isn't in his best interests for him to be essentially wasting his time when he could be spending finding the right woman for him.

 

It is probably in your best interests to move on to someone else as well.

[waveseer]

Knowing what I know now, if I had that strong a connection with a man I would not let him get away. Rather I would open up the lines of communication to include topics that would help me see him as a sexual being.

[redhearts]

Then he isn't perfect for you.

 

Try giving him a make over or something.

[tylercdurden2004]

It has nothing to do with him being too perfect. It your way of rationalizing why you dont like someone who as you say ticks all the boxes except one.

 

That one box is the one your not supposed to get hung up on, its the one box that makes you seem shallow. That box is attraction of the physical kind.

 

The kind that makes you want to rip his pants off and give it too him. We are supposed to be altruistic a love people for whats on the "inside" not the "outside". However life doesnt work this way as much as we would like it to. As much as we would like all the "nice" things to be "nice" it simply doesnt work this way.

 

Attraction isnt so much about whats on the outside as it is about how a person displays themselves. Things like being a challenge, confident etc are what lead to attraction.

[lady00]

I met a guy that I felt this way about last year. I did not get into a relationship with him and I have no regrets about it.