Niggling thoughts...

[spyral]

I just wondered if anyone had any advice. I have an ex-boyfriend who broke up with me about 1 and 1/2 yrs ago. I'm 99% over it now (although at the time was fairly devastated). That small percentage of me that isn't is due largely to the fact that since we broke up, the only news I ever hear about him is about the latest girl he's got into bed.

 

The reason that it disturbs me is that before we went out together, he was known as being a really decent guy, treated women well, generally quite shy and polite etc, a 'gentleman'. For both of us it was our first proper relationship. I think the reason it still has the power to unsettle me is that I hear about his new 'personality' and I wonder what it is in me that has caused him to become this way? It makes me worry about what happens when I meet someone else, will they change and become like that too? I know that for me, sex = attachment, so one night stands would definitely not appeal to me, and i have a really hard time identifying with the whole thing. When I first started hearing about all the new girls it hurt me to the core but now I just feel a weird sense of just.. pity I guess. Like he's just living this shallow, cold unfeeling life. (And I don't think our relationship was like that at all).

 

I guess I just find it weird that he could become so different (even his friends commented on how he was a different person). I don't miss him at all now but I do worry that perhaps it's me that's at fault, and I guess I just don't want to end up in the same situation again.

 

I'd be grateful for anyone's thoughts. Thanks.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

>>Like he's just living this shallow, cold unfeeling life.

 

That's what he's doing, but it's also a life full of sex and excitement. Perhaps right now he is getting off on that.

 

Of course this has nothing to do with you. These are his choices. People go thru phases and stages, and are influenced by all kinds of things, from friends to drugs and alcohol. maybe he's out partying all the time, and his relationships with women are a function of that.

 

So don't blame yourself. This is all about him and his choices and nothing to do with you. he could be having a lot of fun right now, and have decided that's what he needs now, and could settle down later.

[spyral]

Thanks BSBH..... but that's the thing. From what I've heard- he's not happy. One of the few mutual friends that I still talk to has told me it's kind of like this predatory thing, almost aggressive. And the girls never, ever hear from him again, in fact he actively avoids them.

[Truth317]

Sometimes this is a way of saying...

 

"I miss you and I am so hurt that we broke up that I am going to go out here and lose it."