We're "worthless" to him.

[kaoticbaby]

I can't stand this anymore. My whole life I have to deal with this complete moron (& trust me that's not my word of choice.)

 

I remember before my mom married him, he asked her permission to be able to hit me. I don't even know why she married him. Because she hated living with my grandparents, I guess.

 

I've never been hit by him since I was around 9 or 10 but I remember watching him throwing a full bottle of orange juice at his own daughter.

 

It's the emotional abuse that I get, though.

 

All my life I've gotten to hear how much of a piece of S I was. How I was worthless. Just a little brat. How he doesn't give a damn about me and "I could just go live with my father."

 

I'm twenty now. I want to move. I want to get out more than I want anything else in the world.

 

But college. I can't afford moving because I have to pay for my own tuition.

Dorming would be even harder....

 

So I'm stuck being the one who gets screamed at whenever he has a bad day. The one who, whenever my moms not around, he tries to order around like Cindarella.

 

My grandma (mother's mother) died last year, and my mother still hasn't gotten over it. She was her best friend. She tells me everyday that her heart is still broken.

 

Whenever she brings it up to him, he rolls his eyes and tell her to "just get over it already." Tells her he doesn't want to hear anyone else's problems and to just go see a psychiatrist. Tells her that she's overreacting.

 

He uses the fact that he has a job and she doesn't to lord over her. "*I* go to work and *I* pay the bills" kind of thing. Then when she tries to get a job he tells her she "can't" because she "has" to stay home and take care of HIS mother.

 

She hates her life. She's miserable everyday.

 

Today was the last straw for me. My mother just had surgery on her ear two days ago, they literally had to take off part of her ear and reattach it. She was scared, and he kept telling her it was a "nothing" surgery and she was being a baby.

 

I've never seen her looking so sick than the day she came home. She looked like my grandma. It scared me. She was in so much pain that they had to give her morphine two times in a row. She's been in pain for the last two days.

 

But still, he's screaming at her because she doesn't want to have Christmas here. She doesn't want to have to cook for everyone when "her heart isn't in it." (My grandma died around Christmas last year.) His daughter (who is married and lives 2 hours away) then took it upon herself to call her whole family behind my mothers back and invite them over here. So, my mom is pissed. Said it wasn't his daughters business to invite people into my mothers home. And she was also upset that his daughter never called her the day of/after her surgery.

 

He went ballistic. Saying "look at your own piece of S good for nothing daughter. Stop talking about mine. You're daughter is a worthless piece of S and a f-ing rat." And on and on and on. Knowing full well I was working on my paper in the other room.

 

I saw red. How could he scream right into my mothers ears right after she just had surgery on them? So i did something I almost never do because it just isn't worth it: I opened the door and started tearing into him with every swear word in the book. "How could you do that?! How dare you yell at my mother when she just had surgery on her ears? What is wrong with you?! Don't you know that it's hurting her?!"

 

Instead of getting some sense knocked into him he charged at me like he was going to hit me, until my mom screamed. Started going off on me to move the hell out and that he hates me.

 

I just can't take it. Every single day is like living in hell. And all I hear from other people is "Oh, you have a nice house, you just have to deal with it, he's married to your mother."

 

I can't even finish this thought because I can barely concentrate. I just needed to vent.

[Lights]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a similar relationship with my dad, so I know what it feels like . I did move out, and I am SO much happier because of it. I think if you feel that's what you need to do, then do it. I remember feeling so depressed in that house, and now I feel like I can wake up and function again.

[agent1607307371]

I just can't take it. Every single day is like living in hell. And all I hear from other people is "Oh, you have a nice house, you just have to deal with it, he's married to your mother."

 

These people are morons.

 

There's no comparison between being in a safe environment and lving in a nice house.

 

I hope you are able to leave soon because he sounds like an abomination to live with.

[keenan]

Ugh, he sounds horrid. Your poor mom! At least you know that you'll be able to leave someday, but it seems like she's stuck with a mean, selfish husband.

 

Could you change to a cheaper college where living in a dorm would be more manageable?

[DN]

This guy is a complete jerk. The sooner you can get away from him the better. Is it possible that you can live with your father or some other relative?

 

And, I have to say, I think your mother is also very much to blame for allowing this guy to treat you like this. Parents are supposed to nurture and protect us and not allow us to be treated in this way. I am sorry she is not well at the moment but that does not excuse her behaviour one iota.

[jengh]

Ohh...kb, I had no idea things were this bad I'm sorry. What a horrible excuse for a man.

Are you on financial aid? Would it be possible to get more to cover living expenses? I know A LOT of people who take out enough to cover the cost of an apartment and misc expenses. I know you probably don't want to be even more in debt than you already are but I guess ask yourself which would be worse..

 

Do you have other siblings? I think you should try to do something nice for your mom for Christmas. I know her heart's not in it to plan a big thing but even just to cook her a nice breakfast and tell her how much you appreciate her. Or, go out to dinner. I can't believe he told her to "just get over it already". That is awful.

 

I was reading DN's response and while I do agree, I don't think your mom is totally in the wrong. Yes, she has allowed this behavior to go on for too long but I don't know.. incomplete thought, I guess. If I come up with something i'll be back.

 

(I just saw your signature and cracked up)

[doyathink]

What a piece of dirt!

does he beat your mother?

 

Is there no one you can go to live with? You and your mother need to get out of this mess.

[kaoticbaby]

hey thanks for all the responses.

 

i hate admitting this but the problem with going to another school is that, well, i've been going through so much crap lately that i just do not have the grades to go anywhere else. i hate admitting that because i only have myself to blame.

 

i can't live with my father, he's even worse. and i don't really have too much family.

 

in my mom's defense, whenever she's around she will defend me vehemently. not that that would deter him at all, though.

 

as far as i know he's never touched my mom, but i don't know. i know he's thrown stuff at her. he has rage issues.

 

i wasn't really looking for sympathy or anything, don't worry, but i am just shaking out of anger. i'm so sick of everything.

[ATLstudent]

This guy sounds like an f'ing joke, i hate him already. You need to get out a.s.a.p., school sounds like your priority so its understandable that you have to wait, just know that none of this is your responsibilty or your fault, u can't really do to change it either, thats really up to your mom it sounds like. Your mom definitely should go talk to someone, it sounds like she has some serious issues and i wonder why she is attrached to guys like this. Vent all you can, get out all your frustration!!!! U outta check out the school heath center, and try and talk to a counselor, its usually free, but you really need some kind of professional to help you through some of this, its sounds really tramatic, I'm sorry this has happened to you, you don;t deserve any of it, I hope you can find some heathly ways of dealing with all this and find some happiness.

[Bad Wolf]

Let me at him!

[Lights]

kaotic, even with low grades you have options.

i got horrible grades through high school while I was living at home, i skipped school all the time, it was bad. My GPA sucked. I was worried about never having a school to go to but I moved out and did some research. You can sign up at a community college, take ANY basic classes, and if your grades are good through that, the big colleges will look at your improvement and your new GPA. Community college is also cheaper a lot of the time.

 

 

Maybe that would work for you?

[kaoticbaby]

kaotic, even with low grades you have options.

i got horrible grades through high school while I was living at home, i skipped school all the time, it was bad. My GPA sucked. I was worried about never having a school to go to but I moved out and did some research. You can sign up at a community college, take ANY basic classes, and if your grades are good through that, the big colleges will look at your improvement and your new GPA. Community college is also cheaper a lot of the time.

 

 

Maybe that would work for you?

i'm in a community college, this is my 3rd year because of my grades.

[Lights]

well then i'm sure you could transfer to a different one where you could live outside of home.

[Shyguy24]

Sorry about your state darlin i would beat the * * * * out of him.

 

I hate guys like this ..my father was abusive of my mother ..till the time i grew up and now we have a nice family

 

I was only8 years old ..i waited it out..till i was a lawyer and about 25 then wham..if you know what i mean..now who's laughing

[sidehop]

Wow...I'm very sorry to hear For a guy to get involved with someone and treat any child(ren) like that is a complete d-bag. Sometimes it's not easy being the step-parent or just be a great friend of another one's child but you don't abuse them in any form...he sounds like a complete tool just the way he treats you & your mom.

 

Ugh I hope you finish your college and find a new place to live. He sounds very toxic.

[abitbroken]

there are other options. I am coming out of an emotionally abusive marriage. It doesn't matter if its your spouse, parent, or step parent doing it. You can look up a women's counseling center and often they are affiliated with different programs and a shelter. Even if you technically have a place to live (your mom's house) often they can help you with housing to get out of the abuse. It is not always a "women's shelter" with cots in a big room. Often they have apartments, etc situations too or rooming house situations.

 

It may not be how you want to live, but you will be able to be out of the abuse, get on your feet, etc, and maybe after the summer when you have some cash saved you can work towards getting a place of your own.

 

They offered housing to me, even though my parents took me in. I declined because i was not in an abusive situation here, but I appreciated it.