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dont know weather to give it another go?? please help??


chick08

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hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have just split again for the 3 rd time. It has been my choice all 3 times to break up there has been violence and trust issues throughout our relationship we dont live together we live in different cities. I have found out during the time we have been together that he was chatting to different women on dating sites, he has taken pics of women out and about and when we are out together hes always looking around at women and it makes me angry exs ring him girls off the net people he has met on the bus. He says he hasnt cheated but im not sure if i believe that. he can also be violent one min we can be fine the next min he changes can start an argument with me works him self up and can get aggressive and i try to calm him down and then he is ok again. i have two kids from a previous relationship and there has been a couple of occasions he has had ago at my eldest son and scared him. but he also has another side to him that i find hard to let go of he is so loving to me and he does look after the kids when we go over. or if im broke he will always help me out with money and when we are doing our everyday stuff i feel really happy doing it with him. its just when his mood changes that scares me. i have had a fear of him ever since after the first few months of seeing him when we had an argument as we were walking on the themes and he held me over the bridge. and then when we were haveing an argument and he walked out my house and went to the bus-stop to go home then called me i went down to talk to him and he wanted to go in the park to talk to me at midnight and i just lived up the road (these were during the first year) but i was scared and wouldnt go. ever since those occasions i have had a fear of him and when i think of the future being with him i think if i go back and we lived together and we had an argument would things get worse but he has said he will get help nothing like has happened again and he has told me he is really sorry for it. now its like i will have ago at him because i dont trust him with women when he goes out he says its all paranoia he gets wound up and starts rubbing things in my face that he has done for me and says i have no respect that he wants everything back and then threatends me if i take the piss out of him he will come down and do me something but when he is calm he will say he didnt mean it and he loves me. now we have been broke up about 5 weeks i changed my number because we had a big row and he threatened me but is sending mails he wants us to get back he says he will get the help. i do love that guy but i am weiry bout it i just dont trust him tho he says he is just for me and that he can garentee that none of this will happen again.

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Of course it will happen again...abusers always say it won't happen again in order to get their victim back into the fold...once the victim is back in the role the abuser is up to his old tricks...and it usually gets worse. You have been gone for 5 weeks..I hope you can stay strong enough to be gone for good. Don't let this man manipulate you back in...because that is what he is doing...manipulating you...telling you what you want to hear but he will not follow through on his so-called promises.

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i have two kids from a previous relationship and there has been a couple of occasions he has had ago at my eldest son and scared him.

 

This is so disturbing to me. If I had a child and anyone tried to hurt him that guy would be gone for good. If you can't muster the strength to do this for yourself (because he *will* hurt you eventually) then please do it for your kids. You are seriously screwing up your kids right now by being with this guy. They will model their future relationships on yours, not to mention there is the threat of him hurting them now.

 

Please, please, PLEASE do not get back together with this guy.

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Congratulations on having the strength to stay away from him for five weeks...keep it up. You know this man is not healthy for you and you don't deserve this treatment, neither do your children. Good for you for changing your number, now you have to start ignoring his emails. The next time one comes in, resist the temptation to open it and send it to your spam folder.

 

Ask yourself, what is it that you love about this person? He's threatened you, cheated on you, lied to you, been violent with you...and the most unforgivable thing of all, he's gone after your son. He doesn't sound lovable to me. I'm sure he's done quite a number on your self esteem over the time you've been with him, but no matter what he may have led you to believe, you deserve much better than this and so do your kids.

 

Stay strong and don't back down.

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  • 1 month later...

After 5 weeks apart he has had plenty of time to "get some help".so what has he done...youve come this far.keep travelling...make him put his words into actions and one session at a counselors will not cure him.. you know that...And if he does meet some one else you would be gutted? gosh why? becasue he is abusing her and not you...he is not likely to be looking. he has his sights set on you as the vulnerable victim of his abuse..be strong....surely there has been some relief this last 5 weeks without hi,m break the contact your the one keeping him in the picture.. or tell him to phone in a couple of months and you can discuss how his therapy is going...

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Stay away from him. No matter what a man may tell you, how's he's all changed and it will be different. It wont. Unless he's spent time, I mean a year or so in therapy working on his issues separate from the relationship, he will repeat his pattern. Do not put yourself in a situation where you are afraid of someone. Its a bad spot to be.

 

Peace

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