What should I do next?

[sbuzz]

So, I've got a little situation at work a-brewing. There is a guy to whom I am very attracted. We don't work together, and don't see each other often. In the past, I have noticed him constantly staring at me, and smiling whenever I smile, even when I am not smiling at him. From this behavior, I gathered he was interested in me, but he never approached me or made any clear signs. I was casually dating someone else and, even though I was much more drawn to this fellow from work, I did not want to either hurt another guy's feelings or risk a real-life chance at a happy relationship over a crush on my part, especially since I was worried that I was looking way too deep into this guy at work's attentions. So, I did not respond to this guy as much as I would have liked. I would return his stares with a smile and a "hello", but in a more professional manner. He would usually either look away as soon as I would return eye contact or stare, smiling at me until I broke eye contact.

 

So, now, here we are. Things with this other guy did not work out, and I no longer feel guilty about trying to get to know this guy at work a little better. The last time we saw eachother, we ended up working together briefly, which has never happened before and will never happen again. That day, he stared at me from a distance, but, when we were working together, he barely looked at me, only sneaking glances after he would crack a joke or say something witty. I was trying to be encouraging, making positive eye contact and laughing at his jokes. Problem was, when he would look at me, he would look away quickly when he saw me reacting positively to him. But the staring and smiling from a distance continued!

 

So, I just figured he was shy and afraid of being unprofessional. I decided to call him at work when I needed some answers for something the other day. To be honest, I was using that phone call to feel him out and possibly ask him out. It was obvious that I could have called someone else with these questions. He was very professional and curt on the phone, except for when he laughed at something I said. The conversation was short, and I was too intimidated to ask him out.

 

So.....Here I stand. Shy guys, is this how you might behave with a girl at work to whom you are attracted, or is this just wishful thinking on my part? I am willing to make the first move, but don't want to be the unfortunate crazy girl who just can't take a hint.

 

We absolutely do not work together, so there is no conflict of interest at all. I am also shopping around for a new job.

 

Also, this guy is the quintessential "nice guy" that is always mentioned in forums like this. So, I am a nice, normal lady who wants to sex up this nice guy, but cannot tell what is going on with him. So, nice guys, we do exist! Just stop being so coy!

[redrose85]

He definitely likes you This is exactly how things started with my bf and I.. almost three years ago, so that is some proof right there that workplace crushes can grow into something more. It does sound like you are going to have to make the first step. The funny thing is, is that he probably has the same fears that you do.. looking silly, or over-examining the little things. One vote for giving him your number!

[JonathanJonathan]

So, I am a nice, normal lady who wants to sex up this nice guy, but cannot tell what is going on with him.

 

Hah. That certainly was unexpected coming from an otherwise very cute story and post.

 

I think only you can determine whether he is flirting with you or not. I smile and stare at friends and acquaintances, but it definitely does not mean I'm interested in any of them.

 

Nonetheless, I think you should definitely warm up to him. The behavior of him breaking eye contact sounded oh-so-familiar to me. Whenever someone starts warming up to me, I get excitedly nervous which usually shuts down any of my speech functions and thought processes. I find that when an interaction with someone develops, I just don't know how to proceed, mainly because of lack of experience. As a result, I don't do anything at all and look away.

 

You seem to be the less shy than he, so I say ask him out. Maybe catch him on a lunch break if you don't want to put yourself totally out on a limb.

[cruzer]

I would say he likes you, because if im not attracted to a girl i usually dont look at her long, or look at her more than once or twice. also if i like a girl and im looking her way, and she looks at me, i look away quickly lol

 

however as jonathan said not everyone is the same, he smiles and stares ? at acquaintances

[sbuzz]

Hah. That certainly was unexpected coming from an otherwise very cute story and post.

 

Yep, well, I hear so much about how girls aren't sexually attracted to "nice guys". I just wanted to put in my two cents.

 

 

 

And thanks for these answers. I was almost 100% sure he was interested at first, but now....I can't really tell the difference between shyness and disinterest.

I've been cripplingly shy in the past and am working hard to break out of it. I'm willing to take a risk if there's a chance he's still interested. And it's sounding like this kind of behavior is not unheard of.