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E-books about Getting Back Together


kevin456
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How does everyone feel about reading e-books related to getting back together?

 

Personally I have read several, including the Magic of Making Up and the Ex Squared System. I have found both of them to be helpful. I know that reading an e-book won't magically bring an ex back, but they have helped me regain the confidence I need to make myself attractive again. Even if my ex does not come back, reading these e-books will have been worth my time.

 

When it comes to the plan of action, the authors bring up very good points about reconciliation and attraction. They have helped me make a plan for getting my ex back, which I will act on in only a few days. I feel confident and ready for what I am about to face, which is a direct result from reading these e-books.

 

Has anyone else had any experience with these e-books or others? What do you think?

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I can honestly say that reading these books has helped me heal. Obviously I am not 100% over my ex, because I am trying to get her back. But I can say that the steps the books suggest do help in the healing process. These books allowed me to focus on myself again instead of her, by suggesting ways to cope with the break up as well as make me more attractive. They helped me gain confidence and realize that I will love and be loved again.

 

Now if my ex rejects me, I will be hurt. I know this. I am not 100% healed. But I feel my window of opportunity is closing and infinite NC will not help me get her back. I am taking a calculated risk, at my own choosing. If my ex rejects me now, it will be her loss. I have changed since the break-up, with help from these e-books, and I will move on with or without her.

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It would take a small miracle to convince me that I wanted my ex back. I guess I can save my dough for something else.

 

LOL! Yeah, I agree. Like...even if he was the guy in 'I am Legend'....I'd take the damn dog instead.....or the hottest zombie, whichever!

 

Kevin, be careful what you wish for. They usually come back lookin like that cat from Pet cemetery. once they're buried.....leave em alone

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I've seen them. They pretty much all say..agree with the breakup. Stay out of reach for several weeks. Appear happy and okay with it. After several weeks the leaver will begin to miss the ex. At that time, make light contact, but feel free to date other people. Ask them out for lunch. Don't stay too long. Repeat.

 

This approach may 'work', but it does nothing for understanding the nature of the relationship. So probably what will happen is if you get back together by following a formula like this rather than growing and understanding your own part in the dynamic, the leaver will leave again.

 

The reason it works is that the reasons the leaver left are being negated. They were reacting to the neediness of the leavee when they were in the relationship. When the leavee appears to stop acting that way, hope is renewed.

 

An improvement might be,

Listen to what the leaver is saying during the breakup without judgment. Repeat it back to them in a way that shows you understand. Say that you see how it makes sense, and let them go. Then get into therapy. Learn about your own abandonment issues. Don't bother the leaver for quite a while and keep silent while you are doing this work. Begin to understand that they felt trapped for the same reasons you felt abandoned (relationships with parents). Then get in light contact. Then tell them that you are working on yourself and would invite them to join you but there is a time limit (ex. 3 months), and at then end of that time you are going to find someone else to work with. See what they say..

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I read "Magic of Making Up". Some of it was common sense, but I did find it a useful read. The advice about moving on and dating others helped, even though I never actually found anyone I was interested in spending a couple hours with, it did get me to focus on myself, my appearance and attitude, and moving on with my life. So I'd say it was worth the read.

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I have read several, and they certainly helped to put things into perspective. However, they all are a bit unrealistic about the success they "promise" and the whole idea of a one size fits all method of getting your ex back is really kind of silly. In fact, I'm not really sure you can "DO" anything. It's all up to them.

 

Also, if you decide to go the e-book route, I recommend picking only ONE to read and/or follow. They tend to contradict each other, so you'll constantly be second-guessing what you've already done, or freaking out because you did what the last book said and now you're reading a new "better" e-book that tells you that what the last book told you to do was the #1 thing that you should never ever do if you want the slightest chance of geeting back with your ex. Yeah...not a fun feeling.

 

Personally, they made it too hard to let go of hope and let my relationship with my ex completely die. I think that is the only way to really reconcile. You have to let go of all hope, want, or desire of going back. I'm definitely not there yet, but I'll get there. NC helps.

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I also read the magic of making up. I think these Ebooks have value.

 

The state i was in when i read the book was very poor indeed. The Ebook helped me gather myself and set up a plan that even though i no longer adhere to, it got me through the hardest times.

 

Another ive read and i Must suggest is Daves article on reconciliation in PDF format.

 

Unfortunately SuperDave decided to erase virtually every thread he ever made here.... So if anyone wants this eBook, feel free to PM me and ill send it too you its a very good read.

 

btw im linking to another forum, im not sure if this is allowed, but why not? the goal here is to heal and maybe get someone back you love. But regardless i just found this forum which SuperDave is admin of i believe, i havnt looked at it much yet.

 

link removed

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I've read the Magic of Making Up and one other e-book. I've considered them helpful in helping myself, and regain my confidence. At the start i had no idea what to do but afterwords i looked at the obvious and recomposed myself. Its been almost 2 1/2 months now but i've lost 15 pounds, quit drinking soda, exercising 5 days a week, eating healthier, working harder at school etc. etc... Its helped me more with getting my life in order then getting my ex back, but then again, how can you get them back if your life is in shambles? I've got the confidence I needed and I feel i'm ready to try again or move on.

 

I guess you could say i finally found myself again, thats who my ex fell in love with and if she cannot see that again, i'm fine with it. I have a bright road ahead, and i'm not going to let her slow me down

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I think those books are a waste of time and money. There is no one size fits all solution to bring an ex back when the desire to come back is not within them to begin with.

 

Best thing to do is focus on moving on and dating new people. Do whatever you have to do to set up closure in your mind from the breakup so that you can move on faster.

 

If that means sending them flowers then do it once & let go. If it means showing up on their doorstep & getting down on your knees with an engagement ring then do it. Just keep the receipt in case she doesn't accept the ring.

 

Go for broke so that you'll have set up closure for yourself and move on. This is more important than keeping your pride. So what if your ex thinks you are pathetic for showing up at their door with an engagement ring. What they think about you is not your concern anymore.

 

I'm not a fan of NC until after you have done what has been necessary to create closure for yourself. If hope of a reconciliation is holding you back from dating others then you need to do whatever is necessary to kill that hope.

 

NC in itself does not help to destroy that hope of reconciliation. You'll still wonder if there is a chance in the future when you could have found out much sooner that you had no chance if you had sent the flowers and/or engagement ring.

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Those books only deal with breakups that were caused by the dumpee being needy.

 

Neediness is not the only issue that can lead to a breakup. The authors don't deal with breakups caused by the dumpee not spending enough time with the dumper, lack of communication, commitment-phobia, etc.

 

These are legitimate issues that can push dumpers away too. NC is not going to help bring them back if lack of communication pushed them away in the first place.

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When it comes to the plan of action, the authors bring up very good points about reconciliation and attraction. They have helped me make a plan for getting my ex back, which I will act on in only a few days.

 

what exactly did you get from these books in regards to this?

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I too have read the Magic of Making up as well as Ex2, and a number of forums and websites, and non ebooks such as Getting Back Together. All of this has helped me gain composure and gather myself to where I am not humiliating myself in front of her (first two weeks) and starting to move forward. Picking myself up by reading these books, going to counseling, and coming up with ways to better myself has greatly improved my self esteem.

 

The books helped guide me during this reflection period as I did not know at the time the actual cause of the breakup. I had sensed the relationship was not going well for sometime. Perhaps if I knew about ENA beforehand I could have fixed it. We had talked about breaking up before, but always came to the conclusion that we did love each other, and would work harder. Over time it got more difficult where we were just going through the motions, and all of this has helped me see why. Perhaps the breakup will be the best for both of us.

 

Time away does cause neediness too. I travel a lot for school, jobs, etc. When I was around her I felt that I wanted to spend all my free time with her. That started to get old to her I am sure creating a sense of smothering her where there is no longer a chase and more of a one sided push/pull scenario. This would breakdown some of our communication. Changed our loving relationship into more of a business relationship talking about bills, dogsitters, etc. first rather than about each other, going out, and overall time with one another.

 

The neediness from me towards her showed my lacking ambition elsewhere. Her security in knowing I would always be there for her lead to a lacking desire towards me. Each lead to another, and I can see several things that were unattractive characteristics that overtime I adopted. This is not waking up with bedhead lounging in sweats scratching my belly than dressing in a blazer and tie, but how I would interact with her. I showed too much interest even being away a lot.

 

There are a number of symptoms that sometimes lead to a breakup, but I think finding a root cause goes back further. When they leave you for someone else that is not the reason you broke up. It may be the final straw for one of you, but there were a number of symptoms leading up to that point.

 

These books have helped me see those. If anything else they provide that perspective that I never considered before. This information should make my next relationship even better. Whether that is through reconciliation with my ex, or a new relationship with someone else. They do talk about healing, and going out on dates to boost your self esteem. Not something I have wanted to do, but am getting to the point where I may at least give it the old college try. Of course these things can help you move on as well.

 

That may be the best way to start working on a new relationship with them. EVERYONE I have talked to regarding a long term relationship has told me that as soon as you start to move on they come back into your life. Not just ENA'ers. From a couple weeks to a couple years after the breakup they seem to come back just as you move on. Though, maybe my sample is biased. I didn't do an actual survey with test groups etc. Just my information.

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hey man. What's your story in few sentences. I like to hear that you find the books helpfull. I did too. I think they do give you some sort of a security involving the ex's feelings and the fact that NC is good and everything. I don't think that I would be "healing" if I didn't know the subtle little secrets that those books reveal about the opposite sex's psychology. So, yes, I am pro books of that nature!

 

Which ones are you talking about by the way?

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I almost bought the Magic of Making up...

 

I dunno if its worth the $, its been about a month 1/2 of our break up....

 

I'm not 100% healed or over her yet, maybe another month. I'm gonna careless already....

 

Would anyone like to share the magic of making up?

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LOL! Yeah, I agree. Like...even if he was the guy in 'I am Legend'....I'd take the damn dog instead.....or the hottest zombie, whichever!

 

Kevin, be careful what you wish for. They usually come back lookin like that cat from Pet cemetery. once they're buried.....leave em alone

 

That post was so full of win it needs to be acknowledged. I'll have to rewatch that and see if I can spot any hot zombies

 

 

 

 

As far as ebooks I have read magic of making up. Everything but the hand written letter is stuff ppl on this site say so not really worth the money. Personally I look at spending money on that as a clear sign of how freaking desparate I was, its kinda embarrassing.

 

I also read Stop your divorce. Interesting theory but I'm sorry becoming a yes man isnt worth it to me.

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