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ClementineK

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Top 5 Green Flags In A Relationship
Top 5 Green Flags In A Relationship

After reading a recent thread about things you'd never do sexually and among many personal experiences... I am shocked at how many people say they would not have a threesome.

 

My question to all of you is:

 

Would you have a threesome? If yes, WHY. If no, WHY.

 

Please explain the why. It's that part I want to hear the most.

 

For me: I would have a threesome. FFM or MMF. I don't have a preference either way really. Why I would do it? I find it incredibly interesting, sexy, and the possibilities are endless it seems like with an extra person. I often find during sex wishing there was an extra hand or mouth or whatever at certain points in time lol. However, I would never have a threesome if it jeopardized my relationship. I don't have to have fun one night only to deal with jealousy the next morning. Or STDs gah...The situation would have to be perfect but I think it would be worth it. Others I've spoken to say a threesome would be awkward, or they wouldn't know what to do or it was disgusting. I would really appreciate a further detailed reason as to why you feel this way. It won't hurt my feelings either way.

 

Please share!

 

-Clementine

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i would do either or. but it would only be a focus on the women. no doing the men from behind or anything like that.

 

the only way i would do this is if i had no emotional attachment to the girl/s or very little to where i would never date them. i wouldn't share a girl if i really cared about her and wanted to date her.

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When i was in college.. i had a foursome with 3 girls... i knew one of them other two were friends...

 

i did it because i was curios about it... havent done it since and prob never will.. by choice..

 

none of us were in a rel... it was pretty good, we kind of reacted the roman times, a very sensual experince with passion.. wasnt the typical threesome.. lol

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I would not, because i do not share.

 

When I am in a relationship, sex is special and intimate. It's ours and ours alone, not to be shared with anyone. And when I am in love, I truly don't want anyone else.

 

When I am not in a relationship, I still wouldn't do it. With 2 men, both of them wanting to put it in one of my holes, no thanks. There's just way too much going on there. It's not something I would enjoy, nor would I be able to just sit there and take it like some plastic f-- doll. I'm cool. No thanks.

 

With a man and another women, I'm just not into girls. At all. No thanks. Not even curious.

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Would you have a threesome? If yes, WHY. If no, WHY.

 

Please explain the why. It's that part I want to hear the most.

 

I would have a 3some if: none of the participants were romantically attached to each other. Everyone was attracted to everyone else - I can't be doing with people getting awkward about it.

 

I would not have a 3some if a partner wanted to me to have one with them.

I had a bf like that. He was a sociopath. That's my association with them. Also, I have no desire to watch someone I'm attached to with someone else.

 

Basically, it all comes down to attraction, lack of attachment and opportunity.

I'm also just working in a world where std's don't exist for the sake of this exercise.

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Yes I would and have had several threesomes. 2 males/1 female and 2 females/1 male. Hell when I first started dating an ex girlfriend of mine years ago, we had a 5 girl orgy. That was fun!! lol

 

When a relationship is new and you are still "feeling each other out" so to speak, is a good time to experiment with threesomes.

 

Also, after you've established that bond of trust with your partner over time and experience and you are ready to branch out into something new may be a good time.

 

Some people are just NOT going to ever want to participate in a threesome.

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As some know.... I have enjoyed a few threesomes with the wife. Both with females and males. Each have there own turn on and are different. However, the excitement and sexual energy is indescribable. I love watching my wife open up her sexuality and embrace the freedom associated with enjoying herself and others. I love the interaction of another, I love watching (being visually stimulated). I love the "trust" that is given and accepted during this time. There are many different scenarios that can be played out, but honestly the same as any 1-1 activity, you have to know your likes/dislikes and what things are not pleasurable.

 

3sums can be complicated if not everyone is fully on board. Obviously insecurity can result in some jealousy but we have been extremely fortunate in that we TALK so much about the activities, especially beforehand. Honestly the best sex is afterwards when it is just her and I. We relax more and talk about the events. We enjoy the sexual charge and our time together.

 

And I certainly don't think that everyone should do this. Some aren't interested in pursuing this the same as some aren't interested in oral sex, anal sex or even simple public displays of affection. Each of us defines our own desires and comfort levels. I don't try to "encourage" anyone to do this. Instead I encourage people to be honest with themselves and to have honest communications with your partner. If your partner speaks of a desire, don't bash them for it. Allow them to feel its ok to have a desire, but always make sure you end with a good agreement between each other. Its not abnormal to have desires, even kinky far out ones. Its a shame that so many are quiet about them because their SO or loved one would throw them under the bus for expressing any interest. Its like they can't share with their partner and to me that is a shame. And sadly they can't be honest with themselves. Judgement (or fear of it) has a nasty way of tempering discussions.

 

Guilt, shame, insecurity suck with sexuality. We shouldn't allow those things to control us.

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Wow! Interesting topic. I have come close to having a FFM sexual encounter with a female gay couple about 12 years ago. They offered countless nights of sex under one condition, that I empregnate one or both of them. Why? They wanted to start a family and though I was a great donor to stud their offspring. I declined due to the legal parantel rights and child support issues. Now as an emotionally intelligent man I'd turn down any offers since I believe it's immoral and unhealthy for a successful relationship.

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I would not want to have a threesome because:

 

 

ffm:

no matter what...some one is going to get more attention than another person. I am very competitive. It may start off with two girls but I'll win out and it'll be us and a by stander....lol.

 

My bf is also pretty conservative. I doubt he'd want one. Never asked him though and I don't think I will >_>

 

mmf:

Most guys are neutral to me. Until I am interested in them romantically, they have no gender. So, a threesome would essentially be cheating because it would be more than just lust on my part.

 

My bf would probably kill the guy. He can't even take it when other guys compliment me.

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Now as an emotionally intelligent man I'd turn down any offers since I believe it's immoral and unhealthy for a successful relationship.

 

Interesting.. are you saying that by accepting a 3sum offer you would be emotionally unintelligent? Did you mean this as a slight against those who choose it?

 

No problem with believing it is immoral. Everyone defines morality a bit differently and uniquely.

 

Also if you feel that it would be unhealthy for your relationship then definitely don't do it. I know many relationships that have "survived" it, I know many seemingly healthy relationships that are unsuccessful for a variety of reasons. But typically communication problems are pretty common in the unsuccessful ones....

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I think this is one of my ultimate fantasies, but usually the fantasy involves people I don't know very well. I'd never risk a meaningful and established relationship for any kind of thrill.

 

I think it's probably best when people bring these fantasies/risks into a new relationship early on when there's less to lose.

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threesomes arent that great. i wouldnt do them with someone i was serious with. feels too much like cheating.. its like 'yeah its not considered cheating if you do it right in front of me'

?? lol.....

i can stand being monogamous, why cant they?

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Ah.. but with a solid relationship there is actually nothing to lose. And so much more to gain. I have been married for 15 years. Our sexual relationship is extremely solid. We communicate better than most I know. I don't think its wrong either early or late in a relationship. There is no magical "timing".

 

You could seriously view this the same as any sexual activity (1-1). When it involves people that you know / trust then it really means so much more. The closeness and intimacy that is gained is incredible. Some people prefer meaningless sex. Some enjoy more intimate affairs. I think the 3sums we have had, have a bit of a mix of both.

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Ah.. but with a solid relationship there is actually nothing to lose. And so much more to gain. I have been married for 15 years. Our sexual relationship is extremely solid. We communicate better than most I know. I don't think its wrong either early or late in a relationship. There is no magical "timing".

 

You could seriously view this the same as any sexual activity (1-1). When it involves people that you know / trust then it really means so much more. The closeness and intimacy that is gained is incredible. Some people prefer meaningless sex. Some enjoy more intimate affairs. I think the 3sums we have had, have a bit of a mix of both.

Did you and your wife begin to experiment with this early in the relationship or later on?

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We did some light experimenting a couple years into our marriage. Had a friend of ours (male) join in a couple times. Then we stopped, started raising a family. We always kept the communication about it tho. A few years back met a terrific lady at a wedding. She joined us for an unexpected activity. Then we talked about it some more and started meeting some like minded people. We have/do enjoy swapping as well, but to be honest the 3sums are a very different dynamic. Sometimes I prefer them.

 

We don't do this often (very moderate) but we have had some really fun experiences. Honestly the communication that we have learned since tho has been incredible. Overall positive results.

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We did some light experimenting a couple years into our marriage. Had a friend of ours (male) join in a couple times. Then we stopped, started raising a family. We always kept the communication about it tho. A few years back met a terrific lady at a wedding. She joined us for an unexpected activity. Then we talked about it some more and started meeting some like minded people. We have/do enjoy swapping as well, but to be honest the 3sums are a very different dynamic. Sometimes I prefer them.

 

We don't do this often (very moderate) but we have had some really fun experiences. Honestly the communication that we have learned since tho has been incredible. Overall positive results.

I'm guessing you had a pretty good idea about your wife's sexual fantasies and what she was likely to consider early on. I sense you two were open about things, at least verbally. I think that's probably key.

 

But, I think you might be surprised how lacking sexual communication often is between couples who are otherwise madly in love. Just opening that can of worms late in a relationship could really upset a person's partner if he/she considers something like that to be threatening or against his/her long held values.

 

My wife's good friend just found out her husband for 15 years had a serious S&M fetish and she divorced him immediately. They had several children as well.

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I'm guessing you had a pretty good idea about your wife's sexual fantasies and what she was likely to consider early on. I sense you two were open about things, at least verbally. I think that's probably key.

 

But, I think you might be surprised how lacking sexual communication often is between couples who are otherwise madly in love. Just opening that can of worms late in a relationship could really upset a person's partner if he/she considers something like that to be threatening or against his/her long held values.

 

My wife's good friend just found out her husband for 15 years had a serious S&M fetish and she divorced him immediately. They had several children as well.

 

 

That's really said. I wonder if he would have told her sooner and eased her into it whether or not they'd still be together.

 

Or maybe he knew that she would react this way and that's why he hid it. And, after years he just couldn't hide it anymore.

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