Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Venting a little.

 

I am doing so well. And today I am hurting.

 

D*mn! Mid-week seems to kick my ass.

 

Yesterday I sent an e-mail to guy I was hanging out with for the past month on and off (see: ). I met him when I tried to date too soon. I sensed he was getting too attached and in my heart I knew I couldn't be anything more than friends with him at this point. So I told him that and that I needed time for myself. He was getting slightly clingy and I sensed he wanted more than I could give at this point. It wasn't fair to him. I didn't feel the same attraction and leading anyone on is wrong.

 

Today I woke up missing my ex so badly I wasn't sure how to turn it off. Then I get to work to discover I've left my keys in my apartment, which means I've locked myself out and it will cost $25 to call my management company to let me back in. I sat in front of my office door waiting for a co-worker to get there so she could let me in.

 

And then I just started bawling. I couldn't stop it from happening. A runny nose later, I'm trying to fax something to Belize (and getting a busy signal over and over) and trying very hard to keep myself together. When I'm frustrated, I'd call him. But there's nothing there. I felt lonely in an office with people just down the hall.

 

My brain is further along then my heart is sometimes, I think. And its frustrating. He's a douche. He wants nothing to do with me. I deserve so much better and I know it. But totally my soul hurts a bit at the moment. I have a friend coming over tonight and am going shopping tomorrow. Two things I am very much looking forward to. I have a semi-date/friend thing on Sat night, something casual to get myself out there with no pressure.

 

Right now I am venting. I won't contact him. Won't happen. He wouldn't answer. NC is the only way. I will compose myself and look ahead. I'm very strong and I know it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are on the roller coaster and it is down right now. Change your mind set and it will start to move back up. Your weekend looks busy and filled with new friends it will be just the thing you need to get it going in the right direction again. Just remember it is always going forward no matter how low it is.

 

you will not contact him stay strong. Things are going to get better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robert, you're right. I will have better days, the low will disappear. It's just when you truly believe you are making progress and have let go, to have a setback day like this well, just sucks.

 

Contacting him wouldn't work. Unlike everyone else here, my ex has made no move to ever contact me aside from one e-mail confirming the details about me moving out just shy of two months ago. I have no clue how he feels, just that for every three days I have a good day lately, I find myself staring one bad day in the face. It didn't help that I found old pictures of the two of us from August on my work computer today. I deleted them. I thought I had gotten rid of everything, but then something pops up. For a split second I wondered if he still find random stuff of mine I may have missed when I moved out. And if it hurt when he saw it. And for a split second I hoped it did. I hoped he hurt a lot.

 

But you know what? Thoughts like that get you nowhere. I allow myself a moment, but I just have to pick myself up and know that this is just part of grief on the steps to happiness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its hard to keep perspective on a bad day. However, thats not what really bothers me, its just passing the time on a bad day, the hours that used to fly by when I was happy, just drag and make the pain so much worse. Its been long enough by now that even on a bad day I know I can survive it, Its just I'm so tired of just surviving. I hate that so much of my life is about getting through instead of about enjoying things. I guess I just need to hang on until I get another good day. Maybe it will teach me to appreciate good days a bit more instead of taking them for granted...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...