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faux pas or not

Leopard vs Leopard vs Hyenas Over F...
Leopard vs Leopard vs Hyenas Over Food

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Yesterday evening I had practice. That went well. The guy that I kinda have liked for a long time (except he probably is out of my league), was there for practice. So was the girl who (I think), probably also has an "interest" in him. Not sure about that though. We both fenced with him a few times. Good times, one must say. When practice was over, we both ended up chatting with him, even after everybody had left. Well, before the end of practice when everybody was suiting down, I saw them chatting and I went to join them. We just all sat there, chatted about life, fencing, religion (got into a REALLLY interesting religious discussion), our past relationship issues, etc. Through the conversation, he did mention that he had a hard time trusting women because, apparently, he's been burned by a few or had seen friends be burned by a few. He had some interesting concepts about women, guys and relationships. I opened my big mouth and talked about relationship disasters I've had in the past, including my gay best friend (not completely sure about how he is about gays). Conversation went well.


I was stupid and asked about how people were in the SCA, datingwise, like if there were dating prospects. I dunno. I was both happy to chat with him, and nervous at the same time, and me and this other girl (who prob also likes him), stuck around and chatted for a LONG time, until he decided he was tired and wanted to leave. THen we all left. He did mention to us he had a date this weekend (but he kinda brushed it off as he was doing a friend a favor and going with a friend to a work party I dunno.


I get the feeling the other girl likes him too and stuck around to talk to him like I did. Part of me feels like I intruded on something. I dunno. The other girl is my friend too.


It was a weird night. Do you think I did anything wrong by sticking around and chatting, like maybe the girl wanted to chat to him alone, and he was too nice to tell me to "bug off". I dunno.


I was also stupid and I offered him something that I didn't need at my house, but he said he didn't need one.


I hope I didn't come off looking strange.

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I don't think you did anything too wrong. Most guys would be flattered to have two women competing for their attention.


But, having said that, you don't want to come off looking desperate, especially if there's two of you who are trying to get him. The next time you see him be very friendly, but don't offer him things, and don't hover over him if you suspect he's engaged with competition. Be nice, eye contact, smile, but let him lead.

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SCA is Society for Creative Anachronism. We do renactments of medieval life and warfare. Very cool group.


Eire1, I don't think I was hovering over him. I just joined in a conversation. Practice is was over. We were just chatting about how the fighting went, what I needed to improve on (I'm a newbie), and some of the new scenarios put out there. Then we went on to chat about other things, and he chatted a lot, I chatted a lot. She listened, chimed in a few times, and that's how the time passed.


I know I was kinda stupid for offering something. A lot of times I'll do that, esp when I get nervous about things.


He hasn't really ever sought me out for conversation, but then he is ok with talking to me, I think. I dunno. I don't know how to read signs. I don't even know if he knows I like him. The other girl has gone out of her way to make fun of him and say that he's nasty and too jokey (the other girl and I are friends).


But then sometimes what people say, are opposite of what they think, like she probably DOES like him. I dunno.


But him talking about his dating disasters in the past and how he doesn't trust women, but they all end up being friends with him, that was weird. Like he ends up being the "friend" guy to the women.

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Having heard more clarification I think you did fine.


I'm not sure what he told you was necessarily weird; of course I wasn't there so I missed his delivery. He may just be thinking out loud about something that really hurt him, and offering you some insight about where he is. I wouldn't read too much into it. You might find it weird, because you're disecting his words for some sign of his feelings towards you, and what he said may have had absolutely no relevance.


Or, maybe he's stating up front the mandatory criteria he's looking for in a woman - trustworthiness.


Unfortunately, you can't read his mind, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

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There's nothing wrong with sticking around and chatting with anyone. What is wrong is terming this guy "out of your league", and calling yourself stupid. He is just human, and honestly, he sounds a little negative. Almost everyone has been hurt at one time or another; for him to talk about his distrust of women as a result is kind of immature and negative.


Be very careful of putting someone on a pedestal. It doesn't bode well for relationships.

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Bulletproof, one of the reasons why I am drawn to him is that he is negative about himself, but then he uses sarcasm to be negative about himself and also putting himself up. Hard to explain. He kind of reminds me of my last ex (who was interested in very similar things like this guy).


I am worried he is out of my league because I can tell another girl likes him, and usually when that happens, I lose out. Also, from what he said last night, it seems he's been hurt by past relationships and does better with women as friends than otherwise. Like he is putting out a shield that he doesn't want people to get close to him. He is sarcastic and witty, but he is also a caring person too. He is very helpful and assistive and a good teacher in terms of teaching me fencing.


I feel like I am floundering around looking for guys to date. I asked him last night if people in teh SCA were good for hanging out and getting to know better, as to date. He told me most people were good, but that there were scumbags also looking to score, and to be careful which groups I joined. And he said I could join their group if I wanted to.


I dunno. As for the other girl, she didn't talk that much. She listened a lot. I can tell she likes him based on some stuff from the past.

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