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So, I recently became in contact with my ex a little after the first week of break up, she broke up with me, and she initiated contact. We hung out for about an hour total on sunday. She wanted to see me again. I tried making plans the last few days, she fell through. Even with her saying she wanted to see me, and even hitting on me a bit, she still fell through. Her bipolar 2 is a big part of this, sometimes beyond my comprehension. My aunt told me she loves me but doesn't know how to love me, since she specializes in this. And that she would toy with me and string me along. Which is what it seems she's been doing the last few days, and I didn't even tell my aunt about that.

 

So what did I do? Well I gave her a few chances to meet up again, she failed. So, I took a bag with all of her clothes she had left here, got a black permanent marker and wrote "YOU THREW ME AWAY! YOUR LOSS" and dropped it off on her porch, and deleted her from myspace. All while listening to some KoRn after having a few beers which didn't do much to me, but man did it feel good to finally say * * * * you! And the funny part is, I know from her disease that she will absolutely freak over this thinking she'll always have me to fall back on. I can't help but laugh at the outcome that's going to happen. Especially knowing I am better off.

 

HAHA!

 

She's had me on an emotional and mental roller coaster for 2 years, and I'm sick of the game. Buh bye now.

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See the thing is, with the clothes, she sees me as always being here for her to talk to. As a counselor of sorts, I've looked a lot into bipolar from different resources. It's all a game to them to feed their ego and their disease. And doing this, sure fire way to show her that I won't be here for her to fall back on and use no matter what she does. I won't give her the satisfaction.

 

She tried to make it sound like I DUMPED HER. Like I let her down. The distorted reality is all so messed up, if you continue to live in it when it gets worse and worse every day, you will lose yourself and your mind. I know this especially because of my uncle who dealt with it for 18 years with his ex wife who also had bipolar 2 disorder.

 

So for my own sanity and for my own well being, I won't be here for her to go to when she's feeling down. I refuse to.

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They are a huge disaster, she isn't the person she said she was. She's changed in a bad way. And I know the last time I talked to her won't be the last, but I won't put up with games anymore.

 

Good for you! Things ended very bad and ugly between my ex and I.

 

When he was on his meds, everything was fine. When he went off them all hell broke loose.

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She was "experimenting" with different meds for a few months before the break up and eventually was only taking one that would be a mood stabilizer she would take at night to help her sleep. She's jumped from psychiatrist to psychiatrist so no one really knows her which is typical bipolar. I've been told by my aunt who specializes in mind illness and disease that bipolar 2 is closely related to schizophrenia as well.

 

And her "conspiracy" theories that everyone is out to get her has been going strong since day 1 and it seems now it's worse than it ever has been. Even saying my mom who has always showed her love and support is an enemy and hates her. Well she does now.

 

I miss the real Ashlee that would show to me so much, I love that girl, but she isn't that girl anymore. And she won't be the same anymore, unless she gets the help she needs and I don't know if she will or not. She thinks her bipolar is fine, and it clearly is not.

 

She has to be the victim, always, even trying to make it sound like I dumped her. That's just wrong. Trying to make me feel guilty for not wishing her a happy birthday when she dumped me 2 and a half days before, on Thanksgiving, after ruining my birthday 9 days before that. And her birthday was what we'd been waiting for, for over a year and a half so that we could be free together. And she's trying to make herself the victim? I don't think so.

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I know, I can't go back. It will be hard when she contacts me again, but I know she will. I'm not going to play anymore of her games. I can't do it. It'll destroy me even more than it already has me messed up.

 

I'm sorry that I never wrote to you like I said I would.

 

Did you want to hear a little bit about my experience? Do you have specific questions?

 

Things are clearing up now that the semester is wrapping up. I can write a bit more tonight. Just let me know what your interest is.

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So I got a letter from her today. All of it is such bull * * * * I can't even comprehend it.

 

I'll post it I guess.

 

"Jacob,

 

I needed to find who I am and what I needed to do to be a better person. I needed to find me. They say when you truly love someone you would do anything for them. Life is too short to wonder. I love you, but not the man you've become. It's hard not to be with you. I'ts hard to not to see you, feel you, love you.

 

I don't know why you say "I threw you away." True love stays forever and a real lover would not do that. You get to get drunk to pass your pain. Smoke as well. I live life and face the pain. I don't choose to take the easy way out. I'm trying to find the real me and it's workin. I've been rejected from so much but I push on.

 

I'm very alone now, but your true intent came out. You don't love me. I was a piece of ass. I knew. I truly felt love from you. But it's funny how that love just disappeared so fast. I don't have any of your rings. And I'll give you your stuff back.

 

It hurts so much. I love you but I'm not coming back now. You've made your feelings clear. I gave you my everything. You were my all. Your the one threw me away. It is my loss cuz I love you, but you're happy so good luck. I'll be alone and you'll be happy. But I'm good too."

 

JESUS CHRIST!! She is literally insane! She even texted me a little bit ago saying "nice. thanks. glad you can just through me away." Her letter was filled with bad grammar as well. She's trying to tell people I left her. I'm this horrible person. SHE LEFT ME. She has literally lost it. INSANE.

 

I have the power now and I will cherish that power for the rest of my life. I'll never talk to her AGAIN. I now know for damn sure I did nothing wrong.

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Jake,

I think you knew it would work out this way. At least you can look back with no regrets.

NC should be the only thing you think of now in regards to her. I can see her spinning out of control and trying afflict pain and remorse onto you. Be prepared for what is to come. Give yourself time to gather your thoughts and then ask yourself "now what do I want for my life" New day, new life ahead..........

 

lost

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I know she will try to make me look like a horrible person and I treated her so badly. Honestly I want to call her a liar and that she doesn't love me. If you love someone you wouldn't put them through something like this. And she says I'm taking the easy way out? Whatever man. I live my life for me and have been trying to get my own life in order when she expected me to come crawling on all fours back to her. She doesn't like who I've become? I can see why. I'm not rushing back and being strung along.

 

She did everything. She caused this. She left me. She crushed what I thought my life would be with her. If anyone is taking the easy way out, it's her, for not owning up to what she has done and trying to blame me for it. She's completely lost it with her bipolar. This letter and her text message as well as her other actions are more than enough to prove this.

 

We were supposed to hang out and talk last night. She ignored my calls and texts when we were supposed to meet up. Then she calls people I don't talk to anymore about what I'm doing around 10 last night. She never contacted me until an hour and a half ago with her text trying to use my own words against me. She is clearly spinning out right now, and it will only get worse until she's forced to get help or just keep spinning into nothingness.

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