So I finally did it.. now what?

[Maverick32x]

Hey ENA,

So I've been dating this girl for a couple months now.... we started when I was in college... now I've graduated and she is finishing up 2 more years.... I have plans to go to grad school next spring.... making our distance seem a bit too unbearable.. so I decided to break it off..... There is no other girl in the scene.. I just really felt like 3 years (at the least) is a LONG time to wait to give a relationship a legitament ...

 

So, we broke up.. and now what? I have a lot of guilt about making her upset.. but I really feel like this was the best thing for us... I admit my feelings for her were wanning termendously.. seeing that she was still in "college party scene" and I was in "work place scene" and I just felt that we lost our connection....

 

I don't want to lose her as a friend... but I also don't want to lead her on.... We also had a very healthy relationship (unlike my past one) so there really isn't anything that CAUSED a breakup.. it just wasn't working out....

 

so yea.. NC for a bit? or LC? or let her do her own thing?

[kayamoyan]

Hey Maverick,

 

I've been in a long distance relationship and it is hard to keep up unless both parties are really committed to making it work. If she is very attached to you and wants you back, then it probably is best to go NC so you don't lead her on and make her hope. If she is okay with being just friends then perhaps you should let her decide how much contact she is ready to have with you...

[catfeeder]

You did what is right for you, which by definition is also right for her--whether she sees it that way right now, or not.

 

Everybody needs to be the bad guy when they're the ones who initiate a breakup, and while it's uncomfortable, the only thing worse is trying to have it both ways--attempting to keep someone in your life just because you want them there as opposed to what is actually best for them.

 

I'd let her heal up and regain her focus on her own life right now. I'd leave the door open if she wants to contact you in a few months or so, but I wouldn't keep her in contact before then.

 

In your corner.