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Do you ever wonder about ENA?


AloneinTexas

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I have wondered from time to time if ENA and its members who offer advice/support/answers/replies to threads are of your ideal breed. Let me explain better...I have a couple of friends who are married and when I go to them for advice, it seems they have a view very atypical of what is presented here. Usually it is of the idea "love conquers all." Sometimes when I am feeling very negative, ENA sides with my feelings on topics and gives me further reasoning and intuition as to continue down my "I feel I am right" path. But a couple of "real life" friends' advice is quite different from what I find here. I have gotten good advice from these boards, but sometimes I wonder... Sometimes I think we are all here to help each other hear what we wanna hear....And the end result being we are all in failed relationships (or soon to be because of our over-analytical nature) or are single and trying to "be happy,"

 

Sorry if I upset anyone, Im kinda just writing something, maybe stir up some controversy.

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What I've found through my own experimentation is the both sets of advice are usually wrong. It's not from bad intentions, but there is a lot of confusion out there when it comes to relationships. And it takes a highly critical analysis to see the flawed reasoning based on assumptions people use in making sense out of this area of life.

 

I truly owe enotalone a lot for helping me learn the way men and women work together, not for giving me good advice, but for giving me so much bad advice to refute.

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Well, I am not in a "failed" relationship. It has it's difficulties. But, for a long distance, getting back together relationship, we are doing just fine.

 

I think ENA is a pretty good sample size of what you'll find out their in the offline world. Each group of people is represented here.

 

From people who are just recovering from a breakup, people who have been in long term relationships, people who have saved their marriage, others who have been taken advantage of.

 

Like any advice you'd be given (even that from "successful" couples) take it with a grain of salt and just add it to your library of points of view. In the end, it is you who decides what you do with that advice.

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I think that what kind of advice you get depends alot on the current state of mind of the person you're asking. If you ask happily married people for relationship advice they're going to be positive and optimistic and tell you that love conquers all, because that's the view they see every day. Whereas at ENA, there are a lot of depressed, bitter, pissed off people who've been having a rough time with relationships and will be likely to offer a cynical, if more realistic, viewpoint.

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I....And the end result being we are all in failed relationships (or soon to be because of our over-analytical nature) or are single and trying to "be happy,"

 

Not everyone here is in a failed relationship. Not everyone here got here because of a failed relationship or because they were nursing a broken heart.

 

I ended up here following random links on people's Xanga blogs.

 

I'm in a happy, reasonably healthy marriage and have been for a squeak over 6 years, now.

 

I like to write. And I've made a number of mistakes in these past 4 decades. If I can write about my mistakes and someone can use that information to save themselves some grief, that puts a positive spin on my screw-ups (in my mind anyway) and makes some good come out of what, at one time, was bad. That's why I stick around here.

 

You're going to get different advice from people because everyone's experiences are slightly different. Oh sure, there are some broad commonalities, but we differ in the details.

 

People who don't know you are (presumably) not going to have as much invested in putting a certain spin on things as people who do know you. Sometimes, you can get a more objective view of your situation from someone who doesn't know you because they don't have any reason to lie to you or sugar-coat things beyond the bounds of common courtesy.

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Everyone is going to give advice based on their personal life experiences. At least that's how I see it.

 

Everyone's life experiences is subjective and so that's all they have to go by to form an opinion on the outcome of a situation.

 

In the final analysis nobody can take away your freedom to think for yourself & draw your own conclusions. Nobody here is a police officer that is going to track you down and make sure you take the advice. Advice should be considered and weighed and not just blindly taken nor immediately dismissed.

 

As for me I learn most things the hard way so I need to go ahead and risk making my own mistakes. I will think about advice I've been given but most of the time I just ultimately do it my way and see what happens.

 

Then I will know the truth for sure. If I'm too afraid to make my own mistakes then I'll never learn and grow.

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The people on this site are really pretty great, they do put up with me and that isn't easy sometimes. You get a variety of opinions because we are of different ages, ethnicities, sexual orientations, genders, and geographical locations. Taking all that in, we seem to be a nice group to seek advice from. I mean, you don't have to take the given advice, that is always up to you.

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I fear I've misled many impressionable youngsters on this forum.

 

However, I enjoy this site, because the people and their stories are too amusing.

 

If you want good advice - I was always impressed with Bijoux's advice. She was traditional, yet tolerant. She was conservative, practical, wise, and down-to-earth. All that, although she was only my age.

 

However, she hasn't posted anything since October, so maybe she's left the forum.

 

Failed relationships

 

There's no such thing as a failed relationship. Each relationship is produced by diverse causes and conditions. When these causes and conditions collapse, then the relationship dissolves.

 

For us humans, the best state is the extinction of desires. Desires extinguished, divine bliss arises. Old men say that nothing in the world tastes better than cool water. Cool, quenching, refreshing - the more you consciously taste the flavour of water, the more better it tastes. In the same way is the tranquillity of the soul.

 

Love, however, is the second best state.

 

Beauty is objective. Logic and philosophy are subjective. Despite thousands of years of analysis, men continue to dispute the basic problems of philosophy. This is because words are inherently deceptive. Words do not refer to reality. Like spiders hinging their nets on dusty corners, words, hinging on a few arbitrarily-chosen referents in reality, weave together a web of fantastic nothingness.

 

Beauty, however, is objective. Whenever I see a beautiful woman, I must admit that she is beautiful. Even if I'm not sexually attracted to her, I must still find her beautiful. And throughout the world, the beauty of women is universally acknowledged.

 

Love gives birth to nobility. Can you imagine - It's your last night together. You've been waiting for him all night to touch you. You wore your sexiest jeans - subtle, down-home, yet accentuating your slim, lithe figure. In the sky, the stars stay quiet. There's no one else in the park. In the distance, you can hear a few cabs zoom by. Nearby, you can hear a brook flowing. You can hear clearly, because there is no wind. The air is crisp, fresh, and still. You too are quiet. Your senses are focused and sharp.

 

Is he going to make a move? In a moment, you two would be at your apartment.

 

Hmm...I digressed. I was going to discourse on the nobility of the youth sincere in love, his eyes - undaunted, confident, fearless - beaming at your face. His broad shoulders cause your heart to tremble. With you, he's so manly, yet so innocent. But you've seen him fight elsewhere. Like the Chinese princes of old, famed for their vast generosity and vast cruelty, as recorded in the Book of Histories - a true man is a lamb to his friends and a wolf to his enemies.

 

The mysterious vastness of the superior man is breathtaking. Shining, brilliant - an accomplished youth is like a meteor - a white flash scraping accross the evening's dark blue. Where it falls, it makes a big hole in the earth, and then a giant fire to be seen from faraway hills. The next morning, men will scavenge the buried body for red iron. In death, the meteor lives on as the ominous barrel spitting lead teeth and deciding men's fates. (Cut down prematurely by death, the great man never dies. Instead, his spirit congeals into a daemon of the dark night, the everliving hero demanding propitiation and sacrifices.)

 

The brilliance of the true man strikes at a woman's heart. Quiet, reserved - his words are careful yet bold. Like golden honey melting over fire, a sweetness warm and irresistible - these words tickle a woman's chest at night. She tosses and turns, then clutches her pillow fondly remembering her man's hard body.

 

And now, Muses, let us begin to sing of younger men.../

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