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Just need a little help...


manup7228
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And ...
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And Make A Fresh Start

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Me and my ex broke up after a 2 and half year relationship. She had committment issues which led to her dumping me. Fast forward, I did all the wrong things at the beginning like texting and calling all the time. But then finally i got the courage to go no contact. I guess i broke it after 6 weeks because i told her Happy Birthday. After I told her that she sent me back a msg saying how happy she was that i told her, how much it meant, and how she really misses me. I didnt respond to this because I still wanted to continue No Contact. But then the very next day (today) she sends me another message out of the blue asking how i was doing, and telling me how she thinks about me all the time and said "i guess its not as hard for you to not think of me, im sure it isnt" because she kind of was the downfall of us. She currently has a boyfriend so its kind of all messes up. I was just wondering if i should respond this latest message asking how i was the last 6 weeks. I dont know if its just a ploy to get me to be her backburner or if she wants back in my life or WHAT? please help me haha...

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I would ignore her. Tell her if you're not good enough to be her boyfriend then you're not good enough to be her friend. Nicely explain to her you don't want to be her enemy but as long as she doesn't want to get back with you then she should not contact you.

 

Please don't supplicate to her. No woman likes a doormat. Such is the saying "Nice guys finish last"...and it's true. Most men are too weak to do this out of fear of losing them. This is the psychology that all pickup artists use...not that I'm implying this from a pickup standpoint but just simply saying that's the general method for this type of situation...that is, if you're main goal is to get her back...

 

...otherwise you could tell her your true feelings like the post before me...although that is probably not the best way to go about it...just my 2 cents.

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I think keeping it real is the best policy for anything in life. There are too many games, too many people saying things that they don't mean. The best way to avoid conflict is to be honest and real. Of course you're not going to come off as a sap, it's all in the way that you articulate yourself. You have to be able to use your words as a tool to help you, instead of letting them work against you. Words are extremely powerful, while silence can often send the wrong message. When someone says what's on their mind, or is honest about the way they feel, it doesn't mean they have to be desperate, clingy or sappy about it. Also, if you tell her that you don't want to be her friend, you have to be honest about that, and not saying it for attention, otherwise, she may something rude back to you like, "Well then I don't want anything to do with you," and she may only say that out of defense or out of shock or to try to make you have a certain reaction, and if you're not prepared for that, then you're SOL.

 

So there you go, two different forms of advice, both with valid points. Nobody can tell you what to do, but whatever you do, try to be honest.

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i think both of you have very valid points. I chose to ignore it because my ex knows me far too well and even if im honest and use the right words shell see right through me. I am doing much better than at the time of the break up but I still get butterflies every time she texts me and I feel like I have made SOME progress in healing. I am too scared to say what I honestly feel and dont want to take 2 steps back by her telling me something like "I love my new life! and my new boyfriend." That would just crush me. I am not even completely positive I want her back. I know she has been intimate with this guy and I dont think Ill ever to be able to get over that. I guess my main goal is to try and heal myself, and figure out actually what I want out of all this. Plus, its not like she is saying I want to get back with you. She is just saying that she misses me and thinks about me all the time. She has been one to play mind games before and I just dont want to fall into another one of her traps.

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