Loki71 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 To lash out and say something you know will hurt the person? What I mean is someone you care alot about does or says something that hurts you but they didn't ever mean for you to know about it. But you find out and you become hurt not just a little hurt but like really deep broken hearted hurt, so in responce you say things to them that is hurtful but you don't really think about it till after it's done and to late. And if you have done it how do you fix it? can it be fixed? Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 our words can be poison...you can ask for forgiveness when you hurt someone but anything beyond that is out of our control...the best thing you can do is realize the deep lasting impact that words have and try to not lash back in anger if at all possible... Link to comment
Loki71 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Share Posted December 11, 2008 our words can be poison...you can ask for forgiveness when you hurt someone but anything beyond that is out of our control...the best thing you can do is realize the deep lasting impact that words have and try to not lash back in anger if at all possible... I come from a family that has always been free to speak their mind and be open and sometimes to honest. I regret that in alot of ways I take after my father in that we say things without thinking of how they affect people or how the words will be taken. Then afterwards we realize what we have done and then we feel like crap cause thats not what we really wanted to happen. I am not making excusses for what I do I just wish I could learn to control what I learned growing up and after 37 years it's kinda hard to change. I am just tired of hurting people I care about all the time. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I think that having that awareness is a very good first step...life long habits are very hard to break but they can lessen with time and diligent effort and over time by being graceful with yourself and being able to try again whenever you fall back on old habits you can learn a better way... Link to comment
hiphop3 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 i've snapped a few times on my bf and have said hurtful things back. i think it's part of my defense mechanism or something, and i always feel i have to come out on top, just to prove that i'm not hurting. now if he says something to me that upsets me i try to stay quiet until i can deal with it maturely or i'll literally walk away so he gets the message. Link to comment
Loki71 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Share Posted December 11, 2008 i've snapped a few times on my bf and have said hurtful things back. i think it's part of my defense mechanism or something' date=' and i always feel i have to come out on top, just to prove that i'm not hurting. now if he says something to me that upsets me i try to stay quiet until i can deal with it maturely or i'll literally walk away so he gets the message.[/quote'] I tried that when they are in the room but then I get the "your not talking to me" or I can see your upset so what ever. So most of my lashing out is in text or online. And alot of the things I say are not meant to be hurtful or lashing out. Like I said I come from a family that is very brutaly honest. We say what we feel and what we think. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Tex, I have spoken the truth since I was very young. I would be honest with everyone, even if it hurt. I justified it because after all I was being honest as I was raised to be. But I have learned (thanks to my friend) that being honest doesn't make it right. We caan have the best of intentions and still hurt someone. I am 44 and I have changed more in the last 9 months than the rest of my life and all for the good. We often hurt the ones we love because we feel we can be straight with them with no consequences. They will always be my sister, brother, wife, friend....... I always try and remember this one thing at those times you describe. "If they are the most important thing to me then why don't I treat them that way" It has stopped me plenty of times. Just asking the question shows you have what it takes to change. lost Link to comment
Loki71 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Share Posted December 11, 2008 See once again the great advice. I will try to keep that in my mind lost. And maybe I can start to change and hopefully not let the pattern flo down to my son and daughter. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I've said thoughtless things without intention to hurt and I've definitely reacted very strangely and then bolted, but other than that I don't tend to take my anger out on people. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 It is a common reaction to make someone that inflicted pain on you to have them feel the same pain. How do you go about fixing it, well it depends on how deep the cut was. I think time is always the best. Give whoever it is some time to cool off and then send a quick message saying something funny as an icebreaker. Link to comment
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