Wow my ex is doing so much better than I am!

[fivespot]

I found out through a mutual friend some information about my ex...

 

I haven't seen her in over a year and I haven't talked to her...I guess it was about a year ago.

 

I'm honest-to-god 100% over her and I feel nothing for her. I've made it a point to not know her anymore and it has worked like a charm. I still don't want to know her and I doubt I ever will again.

 

But I found out she's gotten really serious with this big-shot lawyer, and his family is apparently worth millions. And according to my friend, they're really happy together. I'm guessing engagement isn't too far off. Not sure how I'm going to feel about that...hopefully nothing.

 

But meanwhile, I spent an entire year not dating anyone because I wasn't ready. I tried getting my life back together. But I haven't really met anyone decent I'm really interested in dating. I am "dating" a great girl right now, but she's kind of using me as a "plan b"--and I'm letting her--because her more serious guy is long distance. I feel like this is better than having no one...although this is probably only a half of a step up from having no one.

 

So that's my life. I'm being strung along by some girl and I'm letting it happen because I'm desperate. And my ex is doing better than ever.

 

I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam.

[Cognitive_Canine]

An ex would not tell a mutual friend "I miss him so much and cry myself to sleep at night".

 

You heard that she is doing quite well but you really have no idea what is going on internally.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah there were times when I'd moved on I still felt sad.

 

Money and rich laywers dont necessarily mean happiness.

[RougeKali823]

Looks can be deceiving. Live your life and don't pay her any mind. Oh and you have to stop indulging in self pity, you can be happy too.

[PJPaul]

Money and rich laywers dont necessarily mean happiness.

 

hit the nail on the head. Rich does not equal happy. Actually women who marry into rich families tend to be really unhappy. The guy is usually a stuck up * * * * * who sleeps around

[Nkaleidoscopic]

That doesnt mean she's doing very well. Outward appearances don't mean much. I've been in a similar situation where I was feeling a bit bad that my ex had it going better than me. Mutual friends kept talking about what a great time he was having at all these parties, girls running after him, & that he still had his head on straight and everyone liked him alot. I was at a point in life where nobody really liked me, so I was saddened. But I later found out - he had a host of problems, no real girlfriend, he got uglier, had family problems, & didn't get into his goal college. In the mean time I got engaged and started my own business. My life didn't feel so bad after all.

[annie24]

to me, it doesn't matter if she is happy or unhappy with this guy. this is all about YOU. it's natural to feel jealous when your ex seems to be doing better than you are - to be entering a new, promising relationship, to be having children, to have a great job, go on great vacations, etc.... in any case, you aren't with her anymore, and you don't know what's going on on the inside. like the others said - maybe she he is a rich jerk....... or maybe he's the nicest sweetest greatest guy who also has TONS of money. maybe she's insanely happy. or maybe she isn't. it doesn't matter.

 

what matters is that you have to move on and not be so concerned with 'measuring yourself' against her. i don't see why dating someone who is using you is a step above being single. it feels like you are lying to yourself. everyone has a different path to take in life - focus on your own path and making yourself happy instead of what your ex may or may not be feeling.

[waveseer]

The most "successful" people are some of the most screwed up and unhappy people on the planet.

[pound111]

Its really late so my appologies for the spelling and possible poor grammer i missed if something seems offensive or out of line just let me know.

 

 

yea, do never really know whats accually going on ... nor do mutual friends.For all you know she just doesnt want to be alone and shes stringing him along and shes really just acting happy because she doesnt want to be alone. I do have a question though, the girl your seeing...

is it a relationship

A----( sex based/ filling the void )

B----( dates and flowers trying to win her over )

C----( allot of time together talking and you feel like shes your gf and things may escalate to more)

 

... im no expert just sometimes i wish people would ask me questions so maybe i could think of it a differnt way and it would make more sense ..

 

but if you know for a fact shes just using you and you see no future and know shes sees no future... i hope your nothing more then (A) ( not dissing that btw) because you could be using that time you spend with her doing things you really enjoy doing or you could do some self-exploring and find out more about yourself and differnt ways to express yourself ( maybe you like art and always wanted to take a few classes).

 

The reason i say that is, if your doing things your interested in you wont pay as much attention to what girls are in the room you will be more interested in who in this room can i talk to about my intrests .... ex. you go out to eat with your current fling and you see a whack of girls and think there cute and begin to wonder if they would like you... meanwhile your trying to keep up with a conversation about your flings hair ( maybe your interested in hair idk use something you are not overly excited about). But if your in a environment were your fascinated or really into what your doing you may accidently flick your paintbrush in an art class and ruin some poor girls new shirt .. she might turn around and flip at you ... but she could also turn around and laugh and could lead into a convo or even more....

 

if that doesnt make sense dont put to much time into something that you know will not pay off in the end if your doing someting you love in an environment were there are people with the same intrests your more likley to meet someone.

 

...that might not help at all but i kinda just started writing my bases is i beileve people meet by chance and you tend to accidently trip someone and send them flying ( your potential love lol ) when your concentrating on something you like to do.

[RougeKali823]

The most "successful" people are some of the most screwed up and unhappy people on the planet.[/quote

 

I agree.

[annie24]

can we stop hating on the 'successful' people for a few moments? we don't know this ex gf nor her new boyfriend. i know plenty of people who have successful careers AND are perfectly happy, centered people.

 

isn't it more important that the OP spend time working on making himself happy instead of convincing himself that his ex-gf will be miserable with her new hot-shot lawyer bf?

[SapphireNoir10]

Your right nothing wrong with sucessful people. Money just doesnt make people happy. It can though lol.

 

You are right, dont concentrate on her or her life and compare. Its not your place to worry or compare anymore. Just be happy in you.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

can we stop hating on the 'successful' people for a few moments? we don't know this ex gf nor her new boyfriend. i know plenty of people who have successful careers AND are perfectly happy, centered people.

 

isn't it more important that the OP spend time working on making himself happy instead of convincing himself that his ex-gf will be miserable with her new hot-shot lawyer bf?

Yeah that's true, but I doubt the appearance he got is 100% true. He should be worrying about himself though, you are right in that regard.

[waveseer]

I don't think we were hating on anyone, it's just that things are not always as they appear so trying to figure it out is a fruitless endeavor which leaves fivespot in the same position he was in before he got the news, healing.

[fivespot]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

I know I'm not in any competition with my ex. Up until tonight, she was the furthest thing from my mind.

 

I even found out she was dating this guy two months ago and it didn't bother me. It was after I found out the details and found out she was happy did it really kind of bug me.

 

Hey I have no problems with success. I'm successful, too...to a lesser extent. But whatever. I certainly don't have millions of dollars, but I'm ok.

 

I realize I'm not in competition with her...I should stop looking at it like that. But for as much as I thought I was healed...I don't know...this really hurt. Much more than I ever expected it to. It's like it came out of left field.

 

You guys are right...maybe she's happy, maybe she isn't, but the point is it's none of my business and I have no reason to care.

 

What hurts me the most is...well I guess this whole thing has made me take a good, hard look at my life and realize, I'm not happy. If I was talking to my ex as an old friend (which I NEVER will) and she asked how I was doing, I'd have to lie and say, you know what...I'm great!

 

And that's the furthest thing from the truth.

 

This new girl I'm "dating" well, that's a mess. There's no sex, no kissing...in fact, there's not much of anything. We text each other and chat online, but that's about it. Yeah, I guess you could say things are really starting to get serious.

 

Yes, I'm wasting my time on her, but as I said, I haven't met anyone else. I've tried. I took classes at the gym, tried meeting people at bars an online. And it depresses me because I only met two decent girls this whole year, this one and someone else, and neither of them have their stuff together.

 

I'm not talking to the other girl because she's back with her fiancee. But this other girl I'm talking to...she met someone a week before me and obviously likes him better than me. Because she had no problem telling me she's seeing someone, rather than give us both a chance and see what happens.

 

So now I'm officially in the "friendzone." I'm attending to all her emotional needs she can't get from her guy...I'm the guy she can fall back on and I'm the guy stroking her ego.

 

But you know what? I don't care. I don't see this going anywhere...I know I'm only setting myself up for a major letdown. But to me, at this point, it's better than being alone...which will happen eventually. I guess I'm able to sleep at night only because I'm delaying it. There is power in denial.

 

I'm really pathetic

[waveseer]

fivespot, you are not pathetic at all. What you are experiencing is normal for someone who is still healing. Treat the most recent woman the same way you are treating your ex, nc. It is the way of the self-valued. When you begin to treat yourself better you will begin to feel better.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I'm really pathetic

I think deep down ... everyone is 'pathetic'. So that makes nobody really pathetic ..

 

Here's a thought : maybe you don't need a relationship right now? Focus on something else, a hobby, one of your goals that you never accomplished. take your mind off of it for a couple months and then start anew.

[dreamwarrior]

Well I say it's true money don't buy love, but where I am sitting, it would make me happy to have a few extra Ben Franklins in my bank account for the simple fact I need to pay for college, get a new apartment to live in, and pay down some debts...money can be useful.

 

As far as the ex and her new bf are concerned ...give it no thought...worry about you!

[thejigsup]

I'm dating a rich lawyer. Have been for years. It rocks! Why is everyone assuming she's miserable? My bf is a great guy who happens to be successful. The two coexist you know. As far as feeling bad about her love life, don't. Your turn will come.

[fivespot]

Your turn will come.

 

What if it doesn't?

 

I work with elderly people...I know many that have never been married. One guy in particular always goes on about how upset he is with how his life turned out because he never had anyone.

 

I guess I should be thankful I "had" my ex, even though she was never happy with me.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

What if it doesn't?

 

I work with elderly people...I know many that have never been married. One guy in particular always goes on about how upset he is with how his life turned out because he never had anyone.

 

I guess I should be thankful I "had" my ex, even though she was never happy with me.

If it doesnt come in a couple years, try eharmony or one of those websites.

[LAYAAN]

very good advice! thank you! The guy that I was in a relationship with... I kept comparing myself with him all the time. I wish I had known ENA then. This is very helpful advice.

[Tezza]

My ex over exaggerates to his friends about how much he earns. They think that he is full of BS quite frankly. I highly doubt that he is actually really happy if he needs to gloat about his monetary success...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Getting information from a third party about someone's degree of happiness is not necessarily going to tell you the whole truth. Everyone loves a romance, especially when they see the romance with a well-to-do person. It is the old cliche of women snagging a wealthy doctor, lawyer, businessman etc. The natural tendency of people is to go "OOOH, she is with a wealthy lawyer (or doctor etc), she is sooo happy. To many people, a woman being involved with wealthy professional must automatically mean that woman must be on cloud nine really happy. That may or may not be the case..the only person who REALLY knows is the woman herself. People make BIG assumptions based on external appearances, preconceived notions and what they themselves wish for. To give you an example, you have a girlfriend...from the outside looking in people might think you are very happy and leading a charmed life. They don't know the true story behind the scenes..the fact that you are miserable, settling for someone who doesn't treat you right etc. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Hillary Clinton leads a charmed life...yet her husband has had numerous affairs...so wealth, power, a charismatic husband etc doesn't change the fact that behind the scenes she had major major heartbreak and humiliation. Jackie Kennedy Onassis looked like she led a charmed life married to wealthy, influential men....behind the scenes what kind of charmed life did she really have....John F. Kennedy couldn't keep his pants zipped and had a parade of women and her second marriage was to Mr. Super Duper Wealthy Man 23 years her senior. There is an expression "all that glitters is not gold". Do not look at others and assume that life is just peachy for them...you never really know behind the scenes if it is really all that peachy...and even if it is peachy at that point in time, you never now when things will have a downturn.

 

So focus on your own life...and one place I would start is by ending this farce of a relationship you are currently in because you deserve better.