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A little insight please


Ihatemygf32
Truth About Cell Phones In A Relati...
Truth About Cell Phones In A Relationship

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Can anyone tell me who is correct, if either of us, in this argument. It was the turning point that has made our 5 year relationship horrible over the past 2.5 years (mainly because she is still punishing me for it).

 

One of my best friends and roommates through 5 years of graduate school was getting married a few months after we graduated. For some background, my girlfriend never liked him and we (me, my gf, and my friend) hung out maybe 10 times in the 2.5 years we were dating (i.e. they weren't friends). The wedding invitations came out including a letter explaining to everyone that since they had both just graduated and had many friends, combined with a limited budget, they decided to invite only their friends without dates as they would rather share the day with all of their friends than just a few. It was an "accross the board" request and a few of our friends had fiancees or wives that were not invited (probably 1/4 had a significant others and 3/4 would have brought random dates).

 

I think it is totally logical thing to do, a little untraditional and tacky maybe, but it is their day. I did not take it as an insult ... especially because it is less rude to have an "accross the board" no date policy than selectively let people bring dates.

 

My girlfriend thought it was tacky and that I shouldn't go to the wedding. She viewed it as an insult because they did not recognize that we had been dating for 2.5 years.

 

She didn't want me to go to the wedding. I went to the wedding anyway.

 

Can anyone give me any insight into who was being unreasonable? It was 2.5 years ago and it has completely destroyed our relationship .... I just want to know if I am a complete ****head.

 

Thanks.

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No one is right nor wrong in this situation.

 

She should have been more sensitive to your friendship and you should have been more sensitive to her being insulted.

 

I understand where you are coming from and where she is coming from.

 

I doubt the relationship ended just because of this...and frankly, if it did, not much of a relationship, eh?

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I think you have to look at it from your gf's point of view. You went out to a fun celebration while drinking and dancing with other people - while she was home alone. Most weddings always allow a date so she was probably hurt that she couldn't come and also jealous and afraid that you would dance with other girls, etc. I LOVE weddings and if my bf went to one and I wasn't invited I would be upset that I couldn't join in on the fun. With that being said, it is your best friend and of course you should go to his wedding and celebrate with him, but it is understandable she would be upset. However the fact that this has gone on for 2 1/2 years is crazy and you need to settle it or break up. You two should talk it out and figure a way to move on - otherwise the relationship is never going to last.

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Thank you so much for your insight.

 

I see it the same way as you. She still thinks she is right.

 

Ending a relationship over being right?

 

hmmm, next!

 

Arguments are not about being right nor wrong. That's where people make the mistake. The main goal of arguments is to understand the other person's point of view and even though you still don't agree with it, to be sensitive to it.

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Well, im on the opposite side of the fence as everyone else. I think your girlfriend was in the wrong. Regardless if she thought your friends wedding was "tacky" he didnt pick her out of the bunch and try to punish her. He told all his friends that he wanted them there but unfortunately couldnt have their significant others as well.

 

I think youre girlfriend needs to grow up and compromise a little. I dislike a few of my boyfriends friends but i dont get mad when they hang out or just make it a difficult and uncomfortable situation to deal with. I just find something else to do if he hangs out with them.

 

I think the comment about her being left home alone while he goes out and parties and drinks at the wedding is unfair. His girlfriend is a big girl. She can find something else to do while he fullfills his obligations. Does she not have any friends she can hang out with?

 

Anyways, if she is going to continue to hold a grudge because you wanted to be there for your friend, maybe its time to find someone else who wont put you in those situations.

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I think it's totally understandable that your best friend did what he did. They didn't have a budget to serve 20 friends and 20 random chicks/gfs they brought along. It was obviously not personal. Your gf is making an argument out of this because she wants to argue, not that this is a big deal to her. If you went out to a bar and partied a bit, she wouldn't be upset for 2.5 years. Nobody would. This is a non-issue. If it was an genuine issue, you would apologize, say you explain your side of the story, and she'd forgive you. Then you would both move on.

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