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TikTok Advice For Relationships Suc...
TikTok Advice For Relationships Sucks

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Heh, that title is a little misleading, actually, because it sort of makes this look like a "Why can't I find some one...?" post, when it's really more directed at something more specific... Some of you probably remember my story, and to those of you that do, yeah, I know, I'm kind of beating this whole thing into the ground by now, but that's the point of this topic...

 

To those who are unfamiliar, let me brief you a little bit... Back when I was a kid, I went to grade school with this one girl for years, and I found myself totally in love with her. I was too shy, though, and nothing ever happened, and I haven't seen her since. Earlier this year, by dumb luck, I stumbled on to her MySpace page, and I wrote her. She seemed surprisingly happy to hear from me, and we wrote back and forth a bit. My old feelings started bubbling up again; I knew I couldn't say for sure if I still REALLY had "feelings" for her, but I really wanted to maybe see her in person again, and actually see if I still felt something, see if there WAS a chemistry there. Well, stupid me, I didn't quite pace my messages too well and ended up pulling that trigger about meeting up a bit too soon. This seemed to kind of "scare her off" a bit (she just... never wrote me back when I asked her about meeting up), but she didn't seem to totally disconnect herself from me...

 

So, I haven't written to her since then. Mostly because I wouldn't even know what to say, and it feels a bit awkward now, after my screw-up. I know the "healthiest" thing to do is to just forget about it and move on, but for some reason, I can't seem to shake my curiosity about whether or not there could've been something there. I just can't stop wondering about what kind of "chemistry", if any, we'd have. To think, if I would've paced my messages a little better, things might be a lot different right now... Maybe I'd have the answer I'm looking for so badly... At the very least, I miss writing to her, and having SOME communication with her... Now I have nothing. I just don't understand why I'm having such a hard time dealing with this, and why I'm STILL so intent on seeing what could be... @_@

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To be honest, I don't think you scared her off, she probably wasn't that interested to begin with.

 

"She seemed surprisingly happy to hear from me."

 

The problem with saying that is you can't be sure. Maybe she was just trying to be polite. And there is always the possiblity that she met somebody else.

 

What's the harm in sending her another message (assuming it's been awhile since the last). Tell her you just heard something about so and so (like an old classmate) and thought it was funny, then ask her if she'd like to meet up.

 

If she doens't, then there plenty more of em out there...

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because you are focusing on one girl. you need to meet more, outside of myspace too.

 

Heh, yeah, I can definitely see that I'm too focused on one person. But to be fair, it's not like I'm totally closed off from the possibility of meeting other people. I mean, I'm in college, for one, so you'd think I shouldn't have too much trouble, but for whatever reason, I haven't found a girl I've really hit it off with, yet.

 

To be honest, I don't think you scared her off, she probably wasn't that interested to begin with.

 

I guess... But, given how little I actually interacted with her back when we were kids, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had just kinda shrugged off my very first message and blew me off right then and there. That, and she chose to carry on the messages I would send; she'd always respond, and she'd even often ask follow-up questions to the things I'd ask her. Ah well, that's why I hate this whole MySpace/ Facebook thing, because it's too hard to read people...

 

"She seemed surprisingly happy to hear from me."

 

The problem with saying that is you can't be sure. Maybe she was just trying to be polite. And there is always the possiblity that she met somebody else.

 

Well... Actually, at the time when I was first writing to her, she did already have a boyfriend. In my defense, I wasn't completely aware of that until later on. They broke up towards the end of summer, though; she never mentioned the guy to me, though, nor was I ever going to ask anything about him, so I don't know what happened there. Shortly after that is when I panicked and pulled the trigger too soon, which makes me look even worse, like I was trying to snap her up fresh out of a relationship, or something... @_@

 

What's the harm in sending her another message (assuming it's been awhile since the last). Tell her you just heard something about so and so (like an old classmate) and thought it was funny, then ask her if she'd like to meet up.

 

If she doens't, then there plenty more of em out there...

 

It's been about 2-3 months. The reason I'm holding back from writing to her again...? I'm afraid she'll think I'm weird... Ironic, considering everything that's happened so far, huh?

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Heh, yeah, I can definitely see that I'm too focused on one person. But to be fair, it's not like I'm totally closed off from the possibility of meeting other people. I mean, I'm in college, for one, so you'd think I shouldn't have too much trouble, but for whatever reason, I haven't found a girl I've really hit it off with, yet.

 

are you regularly interacting though? putting yourself out there?

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It's been about 2-3 months. The reason I'm holding back from writing to her again...? I'm afraid she'll think I'm weird... Ironic, considering everything that's happened so far, huh?

 

Plenty of time. Find an exuse to send her a note, but don't beat around the bush about meeting up with her.

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are you regularly interacting though? putting yourself out there?

 

Prolly not as much as I should be... 'Course, a lot of that has to do with me being pretty shy and/or introverted. I'm starting to *kinda* break out of that a little bit, considering I have a part time job that kind of requires me to interact with people, but it's a really slow process, unfortunately.

 

Plenty of time. Find an exuse to send her a note, but don't beat around the bush about meeting up with her.

 

But isn't asking her about meeting up kind of what got me in this mess to begin with? I can't see that coming off very well. Plus, I have no idea what's going on with her, at the moment. For all I know, she could've already found some one new in the few months I haven't written to her.

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Prolly not as much as I should be... 'Course, a lot of that has to do with me being pretty shy and/or introverted. I'm starting to *kinda* break out of that a little bit, considering I have a part time job that kind of requires me to interact with people, but it's a really slow process, unfortunately.

 

well, that seems to be the problem and you know it. hope you get there. you just need to try and experience and interact with women as much as possible.

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But isn't asking her about meeting up kind of what got me in this mess to begin with? I can't see that coming off very well. Plus, I have no idea what's going on with her, at the moment. For all I know, she could've already found some one new in the few months I haven't written to her.

 

What mess? She didn't repond...not file a restraining order.

 

Yes, she could be involved, but if you don't get in touch with her then you'll just continue to waste time and dwell on her instead of putting yourself out there.

 

Stop creating barriers, making exuses, and counting yourself out before you begin.

 

The only way you'll get your answers is by talking to her.

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but she didn't seem to totally disconnect herself from me...

What do you mean by that? She never responded to you, but in what way did she not totally disconnect from you? If she completely blew off your attempt to get together by not responding, and never got back in touch with you, I would say that she has disconnected and perhaps it is time to walk away from all of this.

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Well, I just mean, she didn't stop my messages from going up, and she didn't block me out of her MySpace, or anything like that.

 

 

Well, that doesn't really mean anything. Clearly she hasn't pursued this so she is not interested. You tried, it didn't work, no point beating your head against the wall. I have been in your shoes before and trust me, it is best to walk away the first time they blow you off and not keep trying hoping the next time will be different.

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Well, that doesn't really mean anything. Clearly she hasn't pursued this so she is not interested. You tried, it didn't work, no point beating your head against the wall. I have been in your shoes before and trust me, it is best to walk away the first time they blow you off and not keep trying hoping the next time will be different.

 

Crazyaboutdogs is right: it means nothing.

 

However, you like this girl a lot. It costs you nothing to make one try after another, until you can get a response.

 

I once heard a guy explain paganism. Someone asked, "We are so small and insignificant? Why would the gods be interested in us humans?" The guy explained, "From our perspective, mice are small and insignificant. However, if a mouse one day suddenly starts speaking to you, then you would be curious, too. Our reality, the gods' reality, and mice's reality are vastly different. Nevertheless, they overlap. Where these realities overlap, the gods interact with us humans."

 

From the girl's perspective, she's a goddess. You are small and insignificant. (Of course, from your perspective, you might be a god. We are each at the centers of our respective perspectives.)

 

You have to ask yourself, "Why should this girl interact with me? What benefits can she derive? Why should she be interested? How are you different from the many other guys who hit on her?" Sometimes, the answer is simple. Maybe you two are both interested in Greek literature. Sometimes the answer is more complex.

 

Think in terms of this girl's self-interest. Once you can do so, you can get the girl to interact with you.

 

Everyone likes to feel important. If you can think of one aspect of her which impresses you, and which she would like to be complimented on, then you can use that to gain her audience.

 

I have used a well-written letter innumerable times to extract an audience from a girl who has rejected me. It works. Sometimes, a woman is not so sure about how she feels. Because she doesn't know how she feels, she might hesitate in responding to you. You should help her feel confident about you.

 

Be bold. Tell her: 1. You are strongly interested in her. 2. Why you are strongly interested in her.

 

If someone is passionate about you, you would be curious about him, at least initially. Use this to your advantage. It confirms so many good things about ourselves we would like to believe!

 

Riley123's response is good, too. You should consider the message: Fortune favours the bold. Sometimes, if you hit on a girl, she'll hate you for a while before she likes you. If you're undaunted and confident, then she'll eventually like you.

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Well, that doesn't really mean anything. Clearly she hasn't pursued this so she is not interested. You tried, it didn't work, no point beating your head against the wall. I have been in your shoes before and trust me, it is best to walk away the first time they blow you off and not keep trying hoping the next time will be different.

 

Eh, I know, it's just so hard to stop thinking about it. At least before I had found her again, I didn't know anything about her, where she was, etc., so any thoughts I had of her were just fleeting "musings" out of curiosity. But now that I know some concrete stuff about her, now that I know she's still out there, it's just so much harder to pull myself away. In my head, though, this just doesn't seem like a flatout rejection, if only because I know nothing about why she didn't respond. Maybe she's not interested in me, I don't know; but maybe there's a million other reasons she could've not responded, maybe it wasn't necessarily that she just wants nothing to do with me. That's another thing that's making me a bit crazy, because I'd at least like to know WHY she didn't respond, so that I at least know what I did wrong and would know not to make the same mistake some day if/ when I meet another girl.

 

Crazyaboutdogs is right: it means nothing.

 

However, you like this girl a lot. It costs you nothing to make one try after another, until you can get a response.

 

I once heard a guy explain paganism. Someone asked, "We are so small and insignificant? Why would the gods be interested in us humans?" The guy explained, "From our perspective, mice are small and insignificant. However, if a mouse one day suddenly starts speaking to you, then you would be curious, too. Our reality, the gods' reality, and mice's reality are vastly different. Nevertheless, they overlap. Where these realities overlap, the gods interact with us humans."

 

From the girl's perspective, she's a goddess. You are small and insignificant. (Of course, from your perspective, you might be a god. We are each at the centers of our respective perspectives.)

 

You have to ask yourself, "Why should this girl interact with me? What benefits can she derive? Why should she be interested? How are you different from the many other guys who hit on her?" Sometimes, the answer is simple. Maybe you two are both interested in Greek literature. Sometimes the answer is more complex.

 

Think in terms of this girl's self-interest. Once you can do so, you can get the girl to interact with you.

 

Everyone likes to feel important. If you can think of one aspect of her which impresses you, and which she would like to be complimented on, then you can use that to gain her audience.

 

I have used a well-written letter innumerable times to extract an audience from a girl who has rejected me. It works. Sometimes, a woman is not so sure about how she feels. Because she doesn't know how she feels, she might hesitate in responding to you. You should help her feel confident about you.

 

Be bold. Tell her: 1. You are strongly interested in her. 2. Why you are strongly interested in her.

 

If someone is passionate about you, you would be curious about him, at least initially. Use this to your advantage. It confirms so many good things about ourselves we would like to believe!

 

Riley123's response is good, too. You should consider the message: Fortune favours the bold. Sometimes, if you hit on a girl, she'll hate you for a while before she likes you. If you're undaunted and confident, then she'll eventually like you.

 

Heh, I like this post, if only because it kinda sorta tells me what I want to hear, that I may not be "down and out" with this girl, just yet. I think sometimes, you HAVE to persist to really get what you want, but my problem is, I'm so generally inexperienced with girls, that I don't know how to draw the line between being persistent and confident, and being creepy and bothersome. And I'm so concerned about whether or not I'll come off as "creepy and bothersome", that I end up being too worried to make another move.

 

It doesn't help matters much that the only contact I have with this girl is via the Internet, and that it's SO hard to get anywhere with people online, like this. When you were talking about finding some kind of common grounds with her, I think that, based on what I've learned about her via MySpace, we have quite a bit in common, but as Crazyaboutdogs has reminded me in the past, you can't always go by an online profile like that.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Alright, so I think I'm going to try writing her again in the next couple of days... I was thinking maybe a message like this:

 

"Hey, what's up? Almost forgot you were on my friends list! Doesn't seem like you use MySpace much, anymore, though, lol. Anyway, just writing to say hope you had a merry Christmas!"

 

How's that?

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Alright, so I think I'm going to try writing her again in the next couple of days... I was thinking maybe a message like this:

 

"Hey, what's up? Almost forgot you were on my friends list! Doesn't seem like you use MySpace much, anymore, though, lol. Anyway, just writing to say hope you had a merry Christmas!"

 

How's that?

 

Why don't you shorten that to, "Hope you had a merry christmas."

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