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Wedding Ceremony questions


alli

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I'm going to start off by saying that I am not engaged & not planning to be anytime in the near future. But my bf & I have talked about it & it will probably happen within the next year to year & 1/2. Either that or 3 years from now when I return from deployment.

 

Anyway, I've got a couple questions about the actual wedding. Our families are from different sides of the state. I wanted to get married in the church I grew up going to because it is so beautiful. My mom & my best friend got married there. Also because my Grandmother is in her 80's & while quite active, I know she wouldn't drive accross the state. But my bf's Grandfather is also of advanced age, plus he has agoraphobia (fear of leaving home) & absolutely cannot travel that far from his home. Choosing a church halfway between our hometowns would mean neither of them would make it because even half the drive is just too far. Neither of us are dead set on either place; of course he would like to get married in the church he used to go to. But how do we choose?

 

Another question. I've been to weddings where in the middle of the vows, a baby (or three) starts crying loudly. The parent sits there & tries to calm it down for 5 or 10 minutes before they finally walk outside the room. I find that so annoying because it's not like the baby is going to remember so why bring them in to the ceremony? Would it be appropriate to arrange for a couple people to watch all the young children in a playroom during the ceremony? My church has those sunday school rooms. Of course I would ask someone to babysit who I know but wouldn't be disappointed to miss the ceremony (like a teenage neighbor) & pay them, but would the parents feel insulted that they couldn't bring their babies in? I don't want to start off officially on a bad foot.

 

What do you all think?

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It is your wedding.. your choice.. My wedding is going to be child free with the exception of my son and my nephew (Both for obvious reasons and both are in the wedding..). The reason behind that is the exact one you mentioned, kids being loud during the wedding and/or just being obnoxious as a lot of the people I know don't make their kids behave at all and also because our ceremony and regular reception runs right into the "adult" reception later that night so people would either have to leave and come back or just leave with their kids. So to avoid that I said no kids at all and so far everyone is fine and agrees with that.

 

If you want to allow kids but have a nursery and would be willing to pay someone to babysit (Maybe more than 1 person depending on how many kids) be sure it's someone that everyone can trust. I know I don't trust my son with someone I don't know so you could run into that problem too.. You really have to look at how many people would be invited that would have kids.

 

But like I said ultimately it is up to you, there may be some people upset if you make it a child free wedding but it's your day and you have the right to not want someone else's kids ruining that.

 

 

As for the location, just talk about it and involve your family when discussing it if it's really that important that everyone is there. See if everyone can compromise. If not, then you just have to decide to go with what is best for you.

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I struggle with that first question as well.

We've been very open to having a destination wedding, but that defintely limits the people we want to attend, especially the older generation..I can tell you right now our 80+ year old grandparents aren't going to hop on a plane to the Dominican!

But if thats what we choose, we will send the invitations out, have it, and then when we get back, we'd do a big reception where they could attend.

 

I think its going to be hard to please everyone.

 

Even if we do a traditional wedding, we won't be able to please everyone. And I think it comes down to doing whats best for the two of you. And entire side of his family is located at the other end of the province, where he grew up. But the largest portion of my family and his, are here.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it yet. If you're not even close to it happening, ALOT can happen in a year or two, someone fall ill, pass away [i know, harsh..but still true..] I think when you do engaged would be the time to sort out the kinks, talk with family, get others input. Maybe someone would be willing to provide transportation, pick someone up, etc.

 

 

As for the babies part. The last wedding I attended, both church and dinner afterwards was Adult Only. The invitation made that clear.

If you see that there are a large portion of babies that will be attending, a babysitter in another room sounds ok. Although how many would be fine with leaving their young baby with a complete stranger who probably has several other children to watch? If we're talking one or two babies, I wouldn't worry. That's life.

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Hi Hun,

 

We had no Children at our wedding. There are no children (Under 12's) in our immidiate family so politely mentioned to people it was going to be adults only. We could not afford childrens entertainment and what kid wants to spend a day being quiet at a wedding. It's your day do what makes you happy. That said if you have children or close family do I think using the sunday school room as mentioned is fine. I think most parents would understand.

 

As for which church, Thats hard. I would say you and your partner choose which one you would prefer and if some people can't make it, then maybe have a smaller "Party" in there home town so they can come and congratulate you either the following day or when you return from Honeymoon.

 

Good luck with it all.

 

Sugar xxx

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I think having the ceremony at the church you love and grew up with would be fine. It has special meaning to you and your guy doesn't care where you go. There are going to be family members who will not be able to make it, no matter where you have it. If your boyfriend's grandfather has agoraphobia he doesn't even leave his own house, right? So a local church for him wouldn't matter.

 

As for kids, we had no kids (except for the flower girl and ring bearer, both 4) at the ceremony or the reception. When we made out our invitations we addressed them to the parents only, and had no problems with kids being brought along anyway. I have been to weddings where the kids were in the playroom with a designated family member during the ceremony. Frankly, I find it rude that people bring young babies/toddlers to weddings for the very reason that you can't predict how they will behave and it's a special day for the bride and groom and shouldn't be overshadowed by crying babies.

 

Good luck!

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That is something I thought of as well. If I were to invite my cousin, they just had a baby, my fiance's sister has a baby as well. I DO NOT want kids screaming or crying their brains out. But having a separate room at your expense? I don't think so, let the parents pay for it on their own, most will anyways, then what about the reception? You going to put them in a room so they don't run around screaming etc?

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Personally I would do as Hope did and address the invites to the adults only, but I would not be comfortable explicitly telling people that it was a "child-free" wedding. Especially if this were someone close to me, I would rather have some noise than offend them - and would just hope and trust that the child would behave appropriately. And I also wouldn't want to miss out on a close friend being able to come to my wedding if she could not find a babysitter! That being said, advertising that you have a nursery at the wedding would - I imagine - encourage people to tote their children along.

 

As to the location, it would depend how much it mattered to my boyfriend to have his grandfather be there. (Ditto what Hope said: Would he even be able to leave the house?). I think having the wedding in the middle would be the worst of both worlds - no one happy!

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That is something I thought of as well. If I were to invite my cousin, they just had a baby, my fiance's sister has a baby as well. I DO NOT want kids screaming or crying their brains out. But having a separate room at your expense? I don't think so, let the parents pay for it on their own, most will anyways, then what about the reception? You going to put them in a room so they don't run around screaming etc?

 

Usually when you have a wedding, you cover the costs involved. If you want to provide child care at the wedding, then you pay for it. Otherwise tell the parents to find their own child care.

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Usually when you have a wedding, you cover the costs involved. If you want to provide child care at the wedding, then you pay for it. Otherwise tell the parents to find their own child care.

 

This is proper wedding etiquette.

 

I did have a couple of people call me and ask if children were invited and I said we prefer that adults only came, and people respected our wishes.

 

When you address your invites you write:

 

Mr. Joseph and Mrs. Cindy Smith

___ accepts

___regrets

 

That helps clear up whether kids are invited.

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Thanks for your posts, everyone. Basically I wanted to get an idea of if people would be offended if their children were not invited. It would be tricky specifying (politely) on the invitations that it is preferred children not come along, but if they must because they couldn't find a babysitter, than childcare will be provided at the wedding.

 

As for the cost, I'm not too concerned about paying a teenager or two $20 or $30 each for an hour or so.

 

His Grandfather can leave the house but cannot really leave his hometown. He's been in the same house for at least 50 years. I guess we'll have to keep our fingers crossed & hope someone dies before then (kidding!! of course)

 

Hope- that is a good idea on how to address the invites. I hope some people won't automatically assume their children are somehow included.

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This is proper wedding etiquette.

 

I did have a couple of people call me and ask if children were invited and I said we prefer that adults only came, and people respected our wishes.

 

When you address your invites you write:

 

Mr. Joseph and Mrs. Cindy Smith

___ accepts

___regrets

 

That helps clear up whether kids are invited.

 

If they have an infant though? Then wouldn't they automatically assume they are invited though?

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If they have an infant though? Then wouldn't they automatically assume they are invited though?

 

An infant is a child and really isn't any different than an older except i'd me less inclined to assume my infant was invited (Unless it was addressed to the entire family or clearly stated) as infants are less aware of their surroundings and cry to communicate so not much you can do about that.

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If they have an infant though? Then wouldn't they automatically assume they are invited though?

 

I wouldn't think so. Several of my guests had babies under 4 months ( 5 couples to be exact all with babies born within 1 month of each other!) and no one assumed they should/could bring the infant. In fact, all 5 couples attended and everyone arranged for child care. The few phone calls I did get were from people with older children (10+) asking if children were invited. We simply told them we'd prefer they stay at home and they were happy to do so.

 

I am expecting now and I certainly wouldn't assume to bring my infant if I were invited to a wedding. If I didn't feel comfortable leaving my baby I would not attend the wedding. Weddings really aren't a place to bring a baby in my opinion. My friends really enjoyed their afternoon of dining, drinking and dancing, as an adult couple, not responsible for their baby for a few hours.

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Talk about kids and crying babies for god sakes. When i had my wedding 3 years ago i wished that i had put in my invatation no kids in ceremony or reception because my husband's family came from Canada and other Countries it was kinda of rude to tell them please place your children home. I remember during my reception i got so pissed off people just let their kids go around and do what ever and that was in the beginning of my first dance. You could tell in my video i was mad. But at the end it ended out all good.

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Talk about kids and crying babies for god sakes. When i had my wedding 3 years ago i wished that i had put in my invatation no kids in ceremony or reception because my husband's family came from Canada and other Countries it was kinda of rude to tell them please place your children home. I remember during my reception i got so pissed off people just let their kids go around and do what ever and that was in the beginning of my first dance. You could tell in my video i was mad. But at the end it ended out all good.

 

I get annoyed by children's disruptions at other people's weddings! Not so much at the kid, unless it is older & knows its supposed to be quiet but just wants attention or something. But babies... of course they are going to cry. Why would the parents even try? And especially once they start crying.. the parent just sits there forever & tries to shush the baby. At the very least, sit near the doors so you can get out & be the least disruptive as possible!

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I get annoyed by children's disruptions at other people's weddings! Not so much at the kid, unless it is older & knows its supposed to be quiet but just wants attention or something. But babies... of course they are going to cry. Why would the parents even try? And especially once they start crying.. the parent just sits there forever & tries to shush the baby. At the very least, sit near the doors so you can get out & be the least disruptive as possible!

 

My husband cousin came from Norway, now this kid was talking through out the ceremony and didnt want to quiet down. His parents were having to much of a good time. To be even thinking about the kid. Now, this kid feel asleep for about a hour but woke up talking through the ceremony. During the reception my first dance was horrific, just as i thought that was suppose to be my time as a husband and wife first dance this kids father shouts accross the room for his kid to step away. You could had seen the look on my face that i was really pissed off but my husband talked to me and calmed me down he wasn't to happy about it either. My mom's frirend came from Dallas TX for my wedding and she has a daughter. I cannot believe to tell you that this kid never stepped away from my side. My sister and my cousin were the flower girls she just had to participate. You could tell during my whole wedding video she just did not want to leave me alone. She was by my side during my whole wedding video. Everytime i watch the video i get annyoned by this little girl.

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