MIL selfishness is ruinging x-mas!

[sekarlee]

I could definetly use some advice on how to deal with this...

 

Last year my bf and I spent a good majority of x-mas with his parents and my family got to see maybe a half a day of us. Not cool. This year we compromised that we would go up to his parents cabin on the 21st and stay until the 24th and we could spend x-mas day at my moms house. So when my bf told his mother I wasnt there but she apparnently "burst into tears" becuase it is soooo important to see her son on x-mas day.

 

Last year my family got jipped on seeing us at all and my mom was disappointed but she accepted that we sometimes need to make allowances for time over the holidays.

 

His parents live a few short blocks away from my family, and to split the holidays wouldnt be an issue except that they MUST have x-mas at their summer cabin which is a two hour drive in winter conditions up a mountain. This amounts for an insane amount of travel time for us. They have a prefectly good house in town that could ensure that we can all be there.

 

I think this is garbage. I realize you may be disappointed MIL but I have a right to spend time with my family too and when i grudgingly suggested separate x-mases my bf adamantly refused. This is NOT fair my bf's sisters husband has no relationship with his family and spends all the holidays with them and they are spoiled. Now my bf is getting angry with me because I want to see my family over x-mas. We spent most of last x-mas with his family on the mountina dn thanksgiving which my mother planned around his moms antics because she didnt see a point in cooking a big dinner for just herself and my sister.

 

Sorry but i dont have a teleporter and cant be in two places at once and I think we came up with a pretty good solution and she is being incredibly unreasonable. I am so mad that I can barley see straight and when i spoke to this woman she smiled and nodded and manipulated my bf into trying to do everything her way. Whats gonna happen when we have kids? I will certainly not pack the kids up for a two hour car ride three or four times because she wants to go and cry. This is setting a precident with this person...she makes a stink whenever anything is not done her way...ie wedding plans, what my bf is wearing, how im cooking somthing.

 

This is almost end relationship worthy if i have to put my family aside to please this woman the rest of my life. I will not do it.

[purpleJ]

I feel your pain!

I however have come to a conclusion ( don't know if i'm right) that it isnt about the mother. It is all about the son, he should be able to stand up for himself and if his mum is being unreasonable try and explain the situation to her and if he thinks shes not being unreasonable he should understand that just because youre going out with him you shouldn't have to spend every xmas away from your family.

 

As hard as it is you can't blame 'her' and be mad at her cause it's your bf's fault by letting her manipulate him AND you.

[bulletproof]

 

when i grudgingly suggested separate x-mases my bf adamantly refused.

 

What do you mean, he refused? I say you tell him what you're doing and that he's welcome to join you. If he doesn't want to, that's his choice. You don't have to play games with these people. Make your own plans and decide to be happy no matter what.

 

I think this is something your bf should be addressing, not you. You shouldn't even know that any of this is going on. He's an adult and should be dealing with his mother on his own.

 

I'm imagining that you and your bf see each other the other 364 days of the year? If so, maybe seeing your family on your own on the one or two days of xmas is the compromise you make. It's just a day, and as much as we can fault his mother for overreacting, you are also placing a heavy emphasis on what the day means also.