I got dumped

[Justin06]

Ok, this is a very long story. I am going to attempt to shorten it without leaving out important details. I was with my girlfriend for 5 years. I was 15 years old when we met and she was 13. I am now 20 and she is 18. She was my first kiss, i was hers. We lost out virginity to each other after 3.5 years of dating. We had a great relationship and, despite our young age, we really did love each other. in July, a week before my Ex GF's b-day she came home from her summer minimester class and told me she wanted to take a break. I asked her why and she said that she started talking to a guy in her class. I was so upset I started asking her all kinds of questions and she said she just didn't feel the same about me anymore.

 

We lived together at my parents' house so she left our place that night and stayed at her sisters. This is the really long part that im going to shorten. For the next month she went back and forward. She would come back to me and apologize and tell me she messed up and she didn't like this guy. Then she would leave me and say she doesn't feel the same about me, then she'd come back. I kept taking her back because I was the one trying to make it work the whole time. I even called into work for 3 days and took her on a spontaneous vacation. We had a LOT of fun. we came back Saturday night and she left me again Sunday morning while I was at work (via text). A week after that she told me she wanted to be with me again and I said no. She started crying and apologizing and I agreed to go on a date with her. We went out to eat, went to the movies, and at the end I told her I just couldn't take it anymore. She then gave me the most heart-felt apology I had ever heard and we had a long passionate kiss and hugged for a good 5 minutes while she cried. After that night, all contact with the other guy stopped. She told me that she had kissed the guy twice and he felt her up. I was torn up, but i took her back.

 

The next couple of months I would say we were just about back to normal. I would bring up what she had done a little too often and she'd get a little ticked off, but I would apologize and I really tried to stop I eventually got over it and we were completely back to normal by...early September. SHe REALLY wanted to start a family already at age 18! she got furious when i told her I wanted to wait a couple of years. In that time frame we decided that we needed to move out. We got a real estate agent, got approved for a loan, and we started looking at houses. We found one we really liked and we were going to go look at it on a Tuesday morning. The Monday night before she told me she wanted to break up. She started talking to a guy she works with. I broke down and begged her not to do this again. She said she needed some time to think. She left the house and I didn't see her for 3 days. She wouldn't reply to any of my messages and she didn't show up to school. I finally found out that she had gone over to his house and spent the night...she had known this guy for a week and she spent the night at his house! to make matters worse, 2 days later she came and moved all of her stuff out and said she was moving back to her parents' house...she didn't she moved in with this guy! it has now been 2 months and I don't talk to her anymore. According to her best friend, they had sex after 2 weeks and she told him she wants a baby (luckily he said no)...

 

This isn't her at all. She is has always been a really good Christian girl and none of this makes any sense. She was madly in love with me and wanted to have kids with me. She told this guy to get her pregnant after 2 WEEKS! I have been completely torn up. The last few weeks have gotten better. I have told myself from the start that I am just going to move on. I have talked to girls, gone out with friends, bought new things, started new hobbies (learning the guitar), I work a lot and I am about to graduate from college...but I can't stop thinking about my ex. I love her more than I ever though I could possibly love anyone. Today I have been thinking of ways to get her back. I am so confused and hurt and I feel alone no matter who I am with.

 

To add to the confusion, the guy she is with is 6 years older than her, has a minimum wage job, does drugs, is an alcoholic, and has called EVERY one of her friends and cussed them out. She doesn't talk to her family anymore and all of her friends have disowned her because of her behavior.

 

Honestly, I don;t know what I expect to gain from posting this thread. I feel alone and confused and I just need to do something about it. Please, if anyone has anything to say, say it. One minute I tell myself "move on. She screwed you over, she is with someone else, she doesn;t love you anymore, you deserve better, etc...", then the next minute I just want to cry because I miss her so much.

[Bronze Babe]

Hello.

Okay, well because I am in a hard breakup too, I don't know how sound my advice is going to be, but I can tell you what I honestly think and I do understand how you feel.

 

The way you sound, sounds like a strong person to me. You typed out a pretty long story (I type a lot, too), and it sounded like a very painful experience. However, you ended that story by pretty much saying that you were angry, and ready to move on. That is a huge, huge step. Because I think there's a few of us on here (myself included) that almost refuse to bring themselves to that point where they feel they would be smarter to move on.

 

I think your girlfriend has MAJOR emotional issues that stem A LOT deeper than YOU or anything concerning you. I also honestly do not believe that she hurt you because she didn't love you or because she is a b-i-t-c-h. I think she has emotional problems. I can't imagine why. It seems as though you took good care of this girl throughout her teen years, and it seems like her family is okay (but who knows?!). But she has some kind of bonding / attachment problems.

 

She involves herself in such an emotional relationship at a very young age. I guess because of all the family experience she aquired with you, she thought maybe she was ready for a family. Then, she found someone else that grabbed her slight interest. She maybe freaked out about being in the relationship with you since she was a kid, and the fact that she would never be with anyone else, and those good ol "sewing the oats" feelings came to her. Understandable, right? So, she goes off with some other guy, realizes that she LOVES YOU and then comes back to you.

Then, you tell her that you wont have a baby with her. So it makes her think, "Why did I even come back? I came back to this guy because I wanted to settle back down. If I didn't want to settle down, I wouldn't return to someone I dated for so long. If I didn't want to settle down, I would continue to sew my oats some more! Why wont he have a family with me? I think I'll find a man that will have family with me."

And so she goes off in search of a man to give her a baby. Why? Because she has emotional issues. She's not bad, she's just messed up somehow. I don't know why. She of course, finds the first loser who will jump into a wild relationship with her, and like most young and emotionally disturbed girls, she finds herself a scarey, violent, drug-addicted, alcoholic loser. Because they are out there preying on young women like her, emotionally VUNERABLE.

 

Now comes in your part. Do you try to go and save her, or do you say, "Hey, this chick played with my emotions and I'm hurt and I can't be with her again!"

 

That's honestly your call, sweetie. But I think the best thing to remember when dealing with a breakup is that sex is just sex, it doesn't mean she loves someone else. That's always a glimmer of hope, right? And also, young people want to make sure they get those sexual experiences out before they settle down. THAT is the reason why you don't hold a grudge against her for sleeping with someone else. But she DID hurt you and leave you in pain. That's why it's going to be your choice to decide what will be best for you. She was concerned about what's best for her, so think about what's best for you. I hope it isn't hard for you to do that, but it's hard for me to do it, so maybe that's easier said than done.

 

Just take some time (a few days or so) to really think if you actually want her back, or if you're just missing your very first love. If you're just missing your love, then maybe you should go back to thinking selfishly and try to focus on self, and ignore her until the memory begins to get less painful.

 

If you still feel like you really want her back, you should come back here and get some more advice. Because you need to find the proper way to do that. You don't want to be a big freak-out when you start trying to talk to her again. I don't know the best way to win her back, and it seems as though there is no real way to win someone back, or everyone would do it. =) I hope you work out whatever it is that haunts you, and I wish you happiness.

[livingitup]

I wish I had something profound to say here...but all I can say is that I know how you feel.

 

I, too, got dumped (way back in April) after 4.5 years (we are 23 and 21). She kept me in the picture while dating others behind my back for 4 months. Eventually, I caught wind and confronted her about it. She told me she needed space. After 6 weeks of space, she came back really strong. We were inseperable for about two months, just like it was when we were together. Then, in the last week, someone new has shown some interest in her and she completely cut me off one week ago today. No goodbye, no apology, just disappeared and stopped responding to my contact. Found out today she's been on a few dates with some guy in the last few days.

 

Like you, I keep telling myself to move on and forget about her. How could we ever want them back after they do this to us?

 

In my case, I've realized that I love her more than I love myself. I'm willing to put her needs before my own and she doesn't feel the same. Honestly, after having one of the worst weeks in my life, I would take her back if she walked in the door again right now. THAT IS UNHEALTHY.

[Justin06]

wow, that was fast. Thanks for the advice guys. Reading your posts actually helped a lot more than I thought...I'm really not alone in this situation. Bronze Babe, thanks for all the great advice. I completely agree with everything you said and I am about 99% sure she has emotional problems. And livingitup, I know how you feel. At times I tell myself I am never going to take her back no matter what, but then I imagine if she came through the door apologizing. I just don't know if I could tun down someone who I love so much. and also, I know I am the one who is asking for advice, but trust me...everyone says it will get better with time and i didn't believe it. but I feel MUCH better now, after 2 months, than I did after 1 week.

[Justin06]

Another thing that is driving me crazy is...I guess I always had low self-confidence. I guess I never thought I was attractive. But now that our relationship has ended, even though I work nights and never go out, I have absolutely no trouble receiving attention from the ladies. No joke, I have probably talked to 12 girls since the breakup...but even though they seem like great girls and they are very attractive...I have no interest...0% I enjoy the conversations, but the second they ask if I wanna go out on a date I basically cut them off. I feel like an * * * * * * * , but in reality, I don't mean to do it. I'm just not ready. I can look at a girl, see that she is an attractive person, she that she is a great person and someone I could probably connect with...but i'm not "attracted" to them...because they aren;t my EX. I just want to STOP and meet new people!

[Bronze Babe]

I know what you mean about not feeling AAAANY attraction to another person. But you know what I am trying to do? Just go out with them anyway. I've honestly only been on one date so far, because I'm very picky about looks and I rarely ever leave the house anymore. But still, one thing I KNOW helps, is to go out with anyone that's willing to go out with you. Date after date, do it even if you KNOW you're not interested. I don't know why it helps, but I guess it just boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel like even if she's with someone else, at least you are, too. At least you want to get over her. That's a guarantee that you WILL get over her, if you wait long enough.

[forevertrying]

are that you got together at a young age. First time for both of you so you haven't had any experience with other people. Sometimes if this is the case people like the excitement of being with someone new like an adventure. Crazy when you have someone who is mad about you. Maybe once she has had her adventure, she'll reaize what she is doing i.e. when she gets bored.

 

As for the guy she is with - the alcoholic. Well one of my best friends is 20 and with a guy of 40. He is an alcoholic and so is my friends Dad so she is one too now and is only 20. She has been friendly with him for about 2 years now and has been going out with him for a year. I was so worried about her and tried speaking to her. Offered her to come and live with me. It got to the point where there was nothing I could do. I still keep in contact with her but I just let her get on with it. She's just a lost cause now. Sad, I know. Her brother even feels the same way.

 

So because of my experience with my friend I would advise that if she does try to get back with you or contacts you then be there for her. If you feel that you are starting to move on at some point when she contacts you, be her friend and try to be strong for her but look after yourself. You don't want to be left feeling the way you are now. I don't know if this has been any help but I think you feel better the more opinions and replies you get. All the best.