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Lost in the sauce, need advice...


Bronze Babe

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Hello, people. I've been online a lot lately trying to find some form of help with the breakup I'm dealing with. This is probably the best place I've seen so far, so if it's okay I wanna tell my story and then ask some questions.

 

I dated a guy for just short of four years. Things were good and things were bad, but like many of you, I was very loyal and love him unconditionally, literally. He loved me much more than I think it's going to seem once I finish explaining everything, but honestly, the man loved me as much as he loved his own self. He loved me A LOT. The feeling was mutual. We planned a life together, we were going to get married, we lived with each other for a long time, but financial cirumstances forced us to have to move back in with our respective parents. That's when the real deteriorating started. We had problems already - the fighting, the arguing, the jealousy (mostly on my behalf). But to me, none of it was that serious. Just personal flaws that I knew we both had. I was very, very accepting. At times, he would get angry and just want space, and I wouldn't give it to him. He warned me that it was pushing him away, but he would go back over his words and say that he was just taling * * * * because he was mad, and that he didn't mean it. I felt comfortable that no matter the problems, that we would be together forever. Ugh. One day, we got into a fight, it was at his mom's house, where he lived. He started fighting with me over nothing, pretty much. As he left for work, he told me not to be there when he got back (I was supposed to be studying, and waiting for him to come back to his house). Well, I didn't listen. I thought it wasn't that big of a fight, and I was going to just tell him to forget about it, and I was going to just perform some wonderful sexual favor to help him forget. Unfortunately, he was PISSED when he saw my face, and he pretty much just broke up with me. Not just for that, but for everything. He cited many reasons. At first, he blamed me, and said I made my bed, and to lie in it. But as I began to freak out, he held me tight, kissed me, and promised to "give [me] what needed", I'm guessing he meant emotionally and sexually. As I left his house that day, freaking out, he said, "Well, if you would have calmed down long enough, I WAS goin to tell you that we could just take a brake and see how things go."

 

So, we were angry for a few days, but I bumrushed him with calls until he answered, and told me he really really wanted to be my best friend (he already was!). So I agreed to hang with him, and so we started back acting like we were still in a relationship. Except he started going out partying every weekend (NOT LIKE HIM!) and hiding things from me. He told me not to come over unnanounced. But we hung out enough to where I believed that there really wasn't any time for anyone else, and that he was just having fun with his friends. That lasted for like 2 weeks, I guess. Then I went to his house one day when he wasn't there (it was an accident of sorts) and I saw used condoms in his room (ew, dirty, I know). I didn't freak because I knew we were broken up and at least he had the decency to leave me first. But I decided that if I ever saw anything like that when he KNEW I was coming over, that it would be very disrespectful on his part.

 

This is getting too long. To sum it up, I DID find other stuff like that that he accidently left out, and so I told him I wanted more respect, that I wasn't sleeping with anyone else, and that he ruined what we had. He looked sooooooooo sad, and hurt, and told me he didn't want me to leave like that, so I told him I was better than that [cuss word, cuss word, cuss word] that he slept with. Then he just looked at me and said, "Aight then, just go ahead and leave." I didn't know if that was because he didn't want to stress himself or because I disrespected "her". IDK. But that was Saturday night. We had been doing really good as friends with benefits, but I know it was the wrong thing to be doing.

 

He wont really answer my calls, I already know I shouldn't be calling. I'M the one who got hurt. I feel like he should be calling me and begging me to at least be his friend. But he treats me like I disrespected HIM, which I didn't. He also has told me before that he wont talk about it because it stresses him out. Ew. So emotionless.

 

But today he answered one time, and I just said "Hi" and he said "Hey call me back later" and then hung up on me. I could tell he didn't mean to answer my call.

 

I don't think I'm ready for this you guys. What I really need is the best advice on how I can handle going about appealing to his emotions again. That's my question. How do I get him to talk to me, and to talk about US again? I'm sure some of you will suggest ways to get over him, or whatnot, and I thank you in advance for that. I just don't think I'm ready for that. I'm stubbornly in love, and I want to make it right. It was really good.

 

Sorry I wrote so much. I hope you read, or skimmed and got the point. Thank you all.

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OK, Breathe.

 

Now do it again, a nice deep breath.

 

OK: You can't appeal to his emotions right now, You have to get your own on track. The more you call him over and over and over, the more he won't want to talk to you. Harsh, I know. I'm sorry.

 

Once you start feeling better about yourself, and less attached to him, you'll realize that he's being a complete tool and treating you like crap.

 

Put the phone down, don't call him. Don't message him, don't do anything, just get ahold of yourself and do whatever it takes to go a few days without calling him. If he wants to talk to you, he'll call.... I'm sorry to break it to you, but right now he just doesn't.

 

He may call later, once you stop calling him, and get too busy to even think about being in touch... He'll start remembering how great you were together maybe, or how he feels about you- but you have to give him a chance to miss you first.

 

Hang in there

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Thanks, girl. I've been doing some more reading. I'm scared, but I think maybe I do need to stop contacting him. I mean, I've been researching this stupid thing online since he left me (October 2) but it hasn't actually felt like we were broken up because I kept going back into friends with benefits mode with him. I was showing so much improvement, but seeing his dirty evidence of being with other women just made me so angry, even though we aren't together.

 

I do need to breathe, I know. I'm so frustrated and hurt and alone, of course. Also, it's pathetic sounding, but I don't have many things to occupy my time with. My whole life revolved around him for so long, but his wasn't like that for me. HIS friends were my friends...

 

Anyway, I guess I can try to not call him for at least two weeks. I know for a fact he wont call me for those two weeks. But I think I need to back off and act like I'm too hurt to call anymore.

 

You know what worries me though? The fact that the last time we talked, it was DRAMA, and that's the one real reason I can think of that he doesn't want anything to do with me.

 

What do you do when the last time you saw your ex, it was on bad terms? I don't want him to remember that as a reason to not call me. But it's my own fault.

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I do need to breathe, I know. I'm so frustrated and hurt and alone, of course. Also, it's pathetic sounding, but I don't have many things to occupy my time with. My whole life revolved around him for so long, but his wasn't like that for me. HIS friends were my friends...

 

 

Sillgurl gave you some GREAT advice.

 

Now here's mine... Get a life. Get things to occupy your time with.

Start an exercise program... working out your body is good for you. You'll

burn off some of that nervous tension, the happy endorphins will pick up your mental status... and while your busy and ticking off the minutes of all that time.. you're body will get in tip top shape. Who knows.. maybe you can meet a new friend or two at the gym.

 

FIND HOBBIES... what do you like to do? Read? Listen to music? Go to Art mueseum??? Craft??? find something to do. Look around you... look around your family. What do they do for fun? Go take a class and learn how to ... decorate cakes... arrange flowers.. whatever. And.. who knows.. maybe you can meet a new friend or two while you are at it.

 

Music... listen to it much? Well... go out and listen to some new music. NO NO NO.. not the sappy stuff that will get you all twisted in knots and thinking about.. HIM... or relationships. Start off with some Angry music first maybe.. and move on to something peppy and inspirational. Something that makes your body want to get up and dance... something that brings a smile to your face. Music that is DIFFERENT from what you and he listened to. Open the door and ... explore the possibiites of what is out there...

 

Experience some of life. Start living.

 

If you don't have any friends.. well... hit up a family member. They have friends. Go to the movies.. go out and do something. Mingle and meet people. At OTHER PLACES asside from where you hung with your boyfriend.

 

Start cultivating a life.. carving a life out for yourself. Day by day.. step by step. And you'll find... a WHOLE NEW YOU. A person you didn't know even existed inside of you.

 

YOU are you're own person. Pssfffssst. The sun doesn't rise and set over just one man.

 

Respect? Respect is earned.. it isn't given. You start respecting yourself by LIVING your life. By Loving YOU... and eventually... your X-bf will see you... and ya know what? By then, you'll have found yourself and you might not even like who he is anymore. You just might find that he wasn't all that and a bag of chips.

 

You can't make someone love you. You can't play on someone's elses emotions. And if you do... it makes you look desperate. You lessen who you are... when you try to do this.

 

The best revenge.... is LIVING WELL. The best way to get anyone to notice you... at all.. is LIVING WELL.

 

Lesson here... in the future. You have your friends. HE has his friends. You have some friends together. You keep your identity separate. The very thing that made you interesting when you started out??? was that you were a separate identity.

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Well, I agree that in the future, if I have to get a new boyfriend, then we will definitely have separate lives.

 

The things that Shadows Light mentioned to me were very considerate, but not necissarily things I can actually do. I'm a poor, ghetto girl from the hood and I'm also a person with student loans and financial probelms. I can't afford to join a gym, or go to classes and that kind of thing. I would like to, but I can't right now because of money. I also like to surround myself with people I think I might actually like or have friendship potential at least with, and museums and book clubs (which are usually free or whatever) really don't interest me at all. Reading books on my own is loney and depressing. And my "family" is basically my sister, and she's the complete opposite from me, but I do hang with her out of desperation sometimes. I can't stand it though, it depresses me because she's not like me. She's bougie and pretentious, lol. And I don't deny my roots like her..

 

Anyways. I agree with the living well part. I can try to find my own way to do that. There are a lot of things in my life I need to straighten out, and I can see why he would want me back if I did fix those things. But it's going to take me a long time to accomplish that, and I know I'll still want him by then, but I wonder if I'm strong enough to make it that long being without my boo.

 

The only thing I can do is ignore it, but that's almost impossible for me. I've been broken down, I'm a weak person now and I used to be a strong person. I did all these exercises to try to find myself again, reading old diaries, chillin with old friends, and it made me realize a couple things. 1) I don't really like who I was before I met him. I like who I was when we FIRST got together. 2) I want to be her again, for myself though.

 

Life is so hard.

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Yes... it is hard. It's not for the weak... and YOU.. are NOT weak. You are part of the strongest, most resiliant, smartest, species that ever walk the face of this earth. AND.. YOU are a woman!! Not the weaker sex.. but the stronger sex. YOU can carry and bring forth life into this world. That's not weak. That's STRONG.

 

You're just feeling sorry for yourself and throwing yourself a pitty party right now.

 

I know that my ideas may not be of benefit to you, given your current circumstances. But some of them... you can give a few more try's at.

There are so many books out there.. with so much subject matter. You just have to figure out what trips your trigger. And you're right.. it's FREE.

 

And that's my motto. If it's FREE. It's me.

 

Think about joining a "book club" maybe?

 

And how about.. "HOW TO.. " books. Tonz of books out there on how to do stuff. Heck.. I was looking at "HOME MADE CHRISTMAS" presents today. And I saw these mason jars you put together with all the ingredients in it for cookies. You put a bright ribbon on it.. and there you go. PUt a smile on someone's face.

 

Give those museums' another whirl.. go to an art museum with pencil and paper.. and sit quietly..

and try to copy what you see before you.. ya never know.. you could have talents YOU don't even know about.

 

OR... how about volunteer work. That's a good pick me up. There's got to be some sort of volunteer work you can do in your neighborhood. Any OLDER people live near you? Well.. they might need a few errands run. OR... maybe they'd just like someone to sit with them for a bit and listen to them. Do you know.... as wacky as some of our older generation can get as times.. and as mixed up as their thoughts can be.. if you just sit a spell with them.. take the time and listen to them. They are a fountain of knowledge and wisdom. They have the BEST stories. or... volunteer at a local school.... Ever sit down and teach a kid to read... it's amazing... watching them grown and learn. And learn from YOU. You've got so so much to offer.

 

Give yourself a little bit of time.. start a list.. and.. just let it simmer and percolate.. maybe something will come up if you focus on THAT instead of whats already in the 'PAST" these incidents with the BF.

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Shadows Light, thank you for taking the time to write me these notes! I really appreciate it, honestly. I understand your basic point - it doesn't really matter what activity I pick, but I should do some new things now. Making a list sounds like a good idea, I'm a listy person.

 

Would you believe, last night I typed out a 20 page letter to him? lol, No real intentions of sending it, of course, no man would ever read that. It was double spaced, though, lol for clarity. ;-) But yeah, those are the dumb things I do. Maybe I'm not weak. I don't necissarily think I'm throwing myself a pity party though. I think I'm trying to be realistic about my feelings. But on the other hand, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Hehehe.

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You are very welcome. I've been there.. we've all been there. In some way shape or form.

 

Yes, you are right. I don't care what you choose to do... just look for different things to do. Think "Out of the box"...and be creative. And,

I don't expect you to get anywhere quickly, that's ok. Ever watch how

fast a cattapillar moves???? teensy millimeter by millimeter it makes it's

way through the world. And one day.... it goes to sleep and when it

wakes up... it spreads it's wings and it's a beautiful butterfly. And it

soar's through the air!!!!

 

Ohhhh that letter writing business is a GREAT idea. I've used that in

my bag of tricks. Write everything you ever wanted to tell him... good and bad... let it all ooze out and pour out onto paper. And then...

you are right, don't send it. But don't keep it either. Burn it. Let your

words go out into the winds. Who knows, maybe they'll touch him in his dreams.... and maybe, the entire exercise will make you feel better and set you free.

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I know I need to talk to him, like seriously. I need to get this weight off of my chest. I wanted to try not talking to him, but I am pretty sure I can't do it. Thinking about losing him to some skanky new girl is eating my heart up like acid...

 

Yes... I imagine it would eat you up. You keep poking a festering wound by focusing on it. Your needs are NOT his priority right now. His attention is elsewhere, he's focused somewhere else. And if you keep trying to contact him in anyway, you'll just end up looking clingy and desperate. Look at it from his point of view.

 

One one hand he's got a girl who is fun, sexy and alluring. Rev's his engines. On the other, he's got clingy, desperate girl who stresses him out. Who do you think he's going to pay attention to???? I'm sorry I don't mean to be so blunt... but it appears like that.

 

You won't succeed getting the pressure off of your chest until you start to RE-FOCUS your attentions elsewhere. The more you poke at a wound... the more it hurts.

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I'm not disagreeing with you, Shadow, I'm just venting when I say:

I'm fun, sexy and alluring too! I'm hands down more fun, sexy and alluring than any person he could meet. I am not clingy when we're supposed to be in love. I refuse to be belittled to that crap. I'm bigger than being desperate. I am in love, and he should be feeling the same way about me. He cannot be so stupid as to think that any new girl can really do anything for him other than give him some sex. People just don't come that dumb.

 

UGH!

 

And not only that, but I know I'm not the person to re-focus anything until I get all of the clutter out of the view of my lens. And there's too much emotional clutter right now.

 

Shadow, I know I'm being difficult but this is how I genuinely feel. I can't help it and I can't deny it. I'm not very typical, and unfortunately, he is very typical. So while those things people say might work ON HIM they aren't working on me....

 

I give up.

 

Thank you, Shadow, for being a person with a good heart who tried to help me. I sincerely appreciate that.

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BronzeBabe...

 

I hope you didn't take offense to what I said. You may be:

 

I'm fun, sexy and alluring too! I'm hands down more fun, sexy and alluring than any person he could meet.

 

All of these things and more. I'm sure you are. What I meant to say is....

you will appear to be other than in his eyes. He's like a kid at christmas with a new shiney toy.

 

By all means, if you think it's the only way to get it out of your system, then pursue him. See if you can get a face to face with him. And if you can't... if you've done everything in your power that you can do and it still gets you no where... then you'll have to begin the very tedious and painful process of healing. No, it's not fun. And no... it's not something you want to do, I understand this.

 

You take care of you, ok? and... drop me a line and let me know how things work out for you.

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THANK YOU SHADOW.

Girl, no. I got tougher skin than that, although it appears that I don't. You didn't offend me at all! I'm a very logical person, I totally understood what you meant. I was just venting, because it is, after all, true. ;-) I am very cool and chill, indeed.

 

You explain it really well, about the kid at Christmas with the shiney new toy. It doesn't matter if he got a $300.00 Wii last year. A brand new $20 Tonka Truck is going to be much more impressive than that, because it's new. I feel you, girl, I feel you.

 

I know I can get him to talk to me. I need to ease up a little bit, and try to figure out what I want to say, though.

 

Oh, and you're right about picking at the wound. I had to get out of this * * * * ty house and go for a short jog around the hood. It made me feel so so much better. I realize I was being trapped inside of my own mind. And I know I'll be there again. But for right now, I have some clarity. I probably should exercise more.

 

I can't believe a stranger actually cared enough about helping me to go back and forth with me like this. I wish I knew you so I could send you some cookies or something, lol.

 

I am going to maintain contact with him. It's all I can do, girl, for now, to keep some form of sanity, until I can plan a nice, long vacation away from this stupid, dirty, crappy neighborhood.

 

Much love & respect

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I can't believe a stranger actually cared enough about helping me to go back and forth with me like this. I wish I knew you so I could send you some cookies or something, lol.

 

 

Nahhhh don't need cookies... but thanks for the thought anyway.

And yeah.. strangers can actually care and lend each other a hand.

There have been many times people have pulled me out of a funk on

these boards... so, I pay it forward.

 

I'm glad that at the end of this thread... you actually felt better. And that's all that matters.

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ShadowsLight rules!

 

She was the one who gave me advise 2 months ago when I split with my GF.

 

I followed her advise as well as others and started moving on, I went NC for almost 7 weeks and last saturday my ex called me to bring a "christmas present for my family"... OMG, what did I just say? Why did I put christmas present for my family between quotes?

 

She missed me and realized that the grass over the fence isn't as greener as she thought it'd be, so now she's knocking on my door again. I'm still confused about what to do with that because I want to get back with her and I don't want to screw it up.

 

But you have to get yourself back up on your own two feet, no matter if he comes back or not. You have to put yourself first right now, get the old happy you back. Go NC on him!

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Mr_M4X,

 

Thanks for the compliment. I'm just so happy YOU are feeling better about yourself, no matter how the event's unfold in the coming weeks.

 

I am in the midst of looking for a job and redefining myself. Right now, I have to stop the bleeding.. hemoraging. Keep roof over our heads, food on the table and children clothed. If it weren't for the immediate need of basic necessity... I might consider going back to college and getting a second degree, in a counseling field. It makes me feel good when I've been able to... bring someone else up.

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Mr_M4X,

 

Thanks for the compliment. I'm just so happy YOU are feeling better about yourself, no matter how the event's unfold in the coming weeks.

 

I am in the midst of looking for a job and redefining myself. Right now, I have to stop the bleeding.. hemoraging. Keep roof over our heads, food on the table and children clothed. If it weren't for the immediate need of basic necessity... I might consider going back to college and getting a second degree, in a counseling field. It makes me feel good when I've been able to... bring someone else up.

 

I don't mean to steal this thread but I hope you can redefine yourself into the shape of a person that you are happy with and can keep your children safe and happy too!

 

I'll be OK no matter what happens, I just have to let things happen and in the proper moment, make my move

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also like to surround myself with people I think I might actually like or have friendship potential at least with, and museums and book clubs (which are usually free or whatever) really don't interest me at all. Reading books on my own is loney and depressing.

 

Yeah, I like the book club idea a lot! And maybe you could try doing the museum thing, just to meet new people? You said you didn't like who you were before, who says you can't re-invent yourself? Worst case scenario, you go to a free thing that you think will be boring, and at least expand your horizons, maybe even meet a new friend.

 

Anyways. I agree with the living well part. I can try to find my own way to do that. There are a lot of things in my life I need to straighten out, and I can see why he would want me back if I did fix those things. But it's going to take me a long time to accomplish that, and I know I'll still want him by then,

 

Fix things in your life because you want to fix your life, not because you want him to like you better. You never know, maybe the new improved you actually won't want him by then...

 

I've been broken down, I'm a weak person now and I used to be a strong person. I did all these exercises to try to find myself again, reading old diaries, chillin with old friends, and it made me realize a couple things. 1) I don't really like who I was before I met him. I like who I was when we FIRST got together. 2) I want to be her again, for myself though.

 

Is it possible that he, or his treatment of you had anything to do with you feeling so bad and broken right now? Think about it. You attracted him with the girl you were when you first got together and then you changed so much, maybe he wasn't that good for you, emotionally.

 

Once you find yourself again, you'll be attracting a lot more new boys with qualities your ex didn't have. You can do it, just breathe.

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Oh thank you all. I'm feeling a lot better about things. I looked all over the internet for a good place to get advice, but this is definitely it.

 

Shadows Light - Thank you for the good suggestions for things to do. I hope you're doing well, too and that your kids are doing good.

 

mr_m4x - Good luck with the ex-girlfriend and her present!

 

Silly gurl - Your last statement is so true!!! I think a MAJOR (probably the ONLY) reason why I lost him in the first place is because I stopped being who I truly WANTED to be, and I turned into someone I really, really, really didn't like. A skinny, yappy, complaining, jealous bioootch. lol. Now, I'm just skinny and jealous, lol. So I'm working on it. You're so so so so right about that, though. I'm trying, girl.

 

I do have to say though. NC was NOT the way for me. I know everyone advises that you should do it, but obviously every situation isn't the same. I think, when it comes to me and my ex, I think there's a lot of love between us. Sincere and genuine. I also think that he needs space to be a young man right now, and I don't really have the right to try to hold him down right now. Not if I want to build a better relationship with him. You know, I look at myself when I was like, 20 and thinking I was going to marry him and have his baby... and I wanna smack myself. Because we're so young, and I know people get married young and stay together SOMETIMES, but I also know that it isn't very realistic. Not for a guy like mine... not even for me! I think we genuinely NEED this time to BE OURSELVES and not the other person's counterpart. I want to be with him, God knows I want to be his girlfriend... but maybe not right now. I want him to be himself. And I want to be me. The real problem for me? It's seeing other people. But I have to tell you guys, I called him... and then he called me back, and I told him how I felt, sort of. And he apologized for the fact that I was sad, and asked me to come and see him so we could talk. So I did. And we talked about things. I realized something: Every other time I tried to talk to him about it, I was so nervous about what was happening, so hurt by the realities of him seeing other women and the fact that we were apart that I couldn't even SPEAK those things. I couldn't SAY what was bothering me because if maybe I didn't say it, then I wouldn't have to believe it was true (subconsiously, somehow). But, this time, I was VERY direct, VERY straightforward, and I was NOT AFRAID. I knew it was my only and last chance to really explain to him how I felt and what I was thinking and tell him what I wanted. He understood, for the MOST part. Not everything. But he did understand. So, for right now, we're on new terms. We ARE NOT back together. I would obviously take him back in a heartbeat, but in some ways, I'm glad he didn't "take me back" or offer to be my boyfriend again. I'm not ready yet. I need to find myself. I know who I'm NOT and everything, and how I WONT be, but I'm not sure how I will be. I also need to get my life together. New activities would be fun, but my school and work areas are sincerely suffering, omg... So yeah. I gotta really get out of my FUNK. Funk isn't good, unless it's music, lol. So we're not back together. But I did tell him that if he wasn't going to commit to me at least to some degree, and be HONEST with me about things and stop hurting me, then I would be looking for someone who did care about me and who would love me and treat me right. And he definitely didn't seem to want that. So we have agreed to put ourselves back on break and not see other people. Best. Possible. Outcome. For me. And we'll see if he sticks to it, but all is well for right now.

 

Tomorrow is definitely another day. I hope things start shaping up for me.

 

I will definitely keep posting.

 

Much love to everyone who cared about this enough to help.!!

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AWESOME!

 

I'm so glad you're feeling better and stronger! It's the worst thing in the world when it gets that bad. This board is really great, I've gotten amazing support from some very kind people. I've also gotten a lot of insight...

 

Its amazing, but this place is somewhere people really do care.

 

Keep us posted!

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Sillygurl - You know, I've seen places like Yahoo! Answers and stuff like that, and people are SO MEAN there. Then I've been other places like link removed and there aren't many people posting on that site, and those that do are all like, 16 years old. So it wasn't much help either. This place is so cool. Good advice, tons of things to do and enough people that care and aren't total assholes. Even when I had a mini meltdown yesterday, Shadows Light really stuck in there with me. What a nice person! lol. I'm greatful.

 

I don't want to get all hopeful about him and then have my heart broken again. Which is why I want to keep him at arms length for now. But I am certain that this man loves me. I am certain that I love him, and that if he WANTS to, we can have a good future together, SOME day. Not today. Not now. But maybe. I don't want to seem all excited today just because we talked. Because my life doesn't revolve around him, right? It doesn't. He is just a big part of my life. And I'm REALLY glad we talked, and that he listened without yelling at me or calling me corny, etc. I think when I tried to talk to him all those other times, he wasn't ready. I think he's seeing reasons why I'm desireable, and why I want to be with him, and how sincere I am. Which is good. He really assured me that I had his heart and it wasn't going to change. I do genuinely understand his situation, but I don't exactly understand his reasoning. And right now, it doesn't really matter. I know where we are, and where we stand, at least for TODAY. Lol. I hope he doesn't lie to me or F it up somehow, or find someone else. But I have his word, and that better be worth something. So for now, all is well. He's also here for me, which is something that never changed since the breakup. He's a good guy, just kind of dumb and going through some commitment fears, I think. He said he left me because of things between US, which is true. Part of me still feels like it was more about HIM, though. Not exactly sure. All I know is that I'm doing good at being a beautiful and fun person when I'm around him. When I'm home alone, it's hard, but at least I show him my good side now. Anyway, I'm rambling. I hope all is well with you sillygurl. Thanks for bringing some of your insight my way, and that cute avatar! =)

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