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ending a relationship to prove a point?


gracerules2008

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I think thats the most ridiculous way to prove that you're not needy and don't need them in your life.

 

Why bother trying to prove something, when it's not even going to be matter because the relationship is over.

 

If you don't WANT them in your life, then end the relationship. If you have to get this extreme to prove a point, why bother? The relationship will be over.

 

If you expect him to come running back, what did it solve? Nothing. You're still going to be that same person that was there before..and what then? Break up when you're needy again? That's game playing, you're not proving a point. To prove this point you will walk away and end the relationship for good. And what did that solve?

 

Do you plan on taking her back? If so, your point won't be proven.

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Did she think you were to needy? It also depends if you were serious about ending the relationship for good, not only to prove a point.

 

My ex knew for a fact I am not the needy, whining, clingy type of woman. I have warrior blood in my veins...not to mention not having any parents (I was an orphan) it made me quite strong to survive anything....If my parents couldn't take care of me, what would make me think anyone else could...I have depended on myself my whole life...and for sure my ex knew I didn't need him either.

 

I broke up with him for good because I have standards and he didn't meet them...he was always whining and crying over his bad relationship with his mother/family...BS...and that is the reason he does drugs...BALONEY...He will find no sympathy here.

 

Stick to your guns and if you want to prove your point by ending things and you feel it in your gut then do it by all means...you deserve to be happy.

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Do you think it's ever a good idea to end a relationship in order to prove to myself and my SO that I don't need them in my life? If neediness is a turn off then wouldn't I be proving to myself and my SO that I don't need them if I have the courage to end the relationship?

 

I have broken up with a previous ex in the past to prove that exact point. He fought for me just like I wanted. But in the end he still saw right through the act. It doesn't help.... If anything it made me want to keep playing the game.

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* * * ? Are you serious? I'm sure there are better ways of showing your SO that you're independent and can live without them. Like going away for a while without contact.

 

I'm not understanding where you are coming from. Care to elaborate?

 

I suspect that I'm the more needy partner in my relationship and my gf is more independent. I need to find a way to balance that out.

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none of us NEED a relationship in the same way we NEED food, air, water, shelter, etc..... you can show that you are not needy by having a full life in other ways - like hobbies, friends, family, work, etc...... you have other plans besides hanging out with your SO. if you are missing one of those things (like hobbies, other friends, work, etc....) then you need to go out and get those things.

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I would be heartbroken if someone did this to me, particularly since it seems your SO has done nothing else wrong besides be a well rounded human being. If you're willing to put your loved one though so much tangible pain for the illusion of not needing them, perhaps its a sign that you need to reevaluate how much you care for them to begin with...

 

I've been the needy one in the relationship before, so I do understand, it feels as if so much is out of your control and that so much of your life is riding on the other's decision, but the answer is fixing your life (even though thats a daunting task) not trying to control theirs, its just doomed to fail.

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I would be heartbroken if someone did this to me, particularly since it seems your SO has done nothing else wrong besides be a well rounded human being. If you're willing to put your loved one though so much tangible pain for the illusion of not needing them, perhaps its a sign that you need to reevaluate how much you care for them to begin with...

 

I've been the needy one in the relationship before, so I do understand, it feels as if so much is out of your control and that so much of your life is riding on the other's decision, but the answer is fixing your life (even though thats a daunting task) not trying to control theirs, its just doomed to fail.

 

 

I never said it was wrong for her to be independent. I know she hasn't done anything wrong. Ending a relationship is not controlling.

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* * * ? Are you serious? I'm sure there are better ways of showing your SO that you're independent and can live without them. Like going away for a while without contact.

 

I'm not understanding where you are coming from. Care to elaborate?

 

I don't call her everyday. She calls me once a day and we talk for like 2-3 hours on the phone. I call her every 2 days. How much do you think I should reduce contact? Call twice a week instead?

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Do you think it's ever a good idea to end a relationship in order to prove to myself and my SO that I don't need them in my life? If neediness is a turn off then wouldn't I be proving to myself and my SO that I don't need them if I have the courage to end the relationship?

 

If you think you don't need them - have an outside life. Have career goals, enjoy company of other people, spend time on your hobby. That will proove the point.

 

Ending a relationship for that reason is not courage - it's pride. Pride and feelings gives you heartache.

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Perhaps controlling was the wrong word, but it seems that ending a relationship as its clearly over and has proven toxic to one or both partners is not controlling, but ending it to prove a point is a different concept entirely...

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No, you don't end a relationship just to prove a point.

Does this look right to you?

 

Proving a point > His/her feelings.

Proving a point > Real love

Proving a point > Honesty

 

I don't think so. You can't disregard someone's feelings just because you want to prove a point. I mean, you CAN, but you'd be wrong to do such a thing. They love you, you love them. There's problems in the relationship? Talk about them openly, and if it bothers your partner to talk, then fix it your self! Work on it alone. Anything. Don't leave someone you want to be with. That's playing a game.

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Yikes. Well, I think you'd prove a point if you broke up with her, but I think the point you'd make is that you are manipulative and controlling. If you are looking for a way to make her fight to keep you, I'll go ahead and tell you, there is no way! I understand the feeling, but the more you want her to, the less likely she will be to do so. People are willing to fight for things when they believe them to be valuable. She'll only value as much as you value yourself, and it doesn't appear that you value yourself a great deal. So yeah...in short...that is a really bad idea, and it will backfire worse than you could possibly imagine.

 

Try the following instead:

1) Read some books about setting boundaries and start setting some

 

2) Practice being assertive and talking about your feelings in a non-accusatory way

 

3) Read books about communication in relationships (Check out the book "Couple Skills")

 

4) Find some other hobbies, or find fun things you guys can do together, such as: dance classes, put put golf, sky diving, hiking, biking, take a road trip, taking a cooking class, karate, go to a comedy club, play strip poker, volunteer together, go play with the puppies at an animal shelter, etc.

 

5) Focus on all the things you have to be thankful for. Think about all the good things she brings to your life. Don't love her despite her faults, but love her FOR her faults.

 

6) Spend more time alone. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin, and to find happiness within yourself.

 

7) If you're really unhappy, then end the relationship. DON'T use it as a way to manipulate her feelings or to prove anything.

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none of us NEED a relationship in the same way we NEED food, air, water, shelter, etc..... you can show that you are not needy by having a full life in other ways - like hobbies, friends, family, work, etc...... you have other plans besides hanging out with your SO. if you are missing one of those things (like hobbies, other friends, work, etc....) then you need to go out and get those things.

 

i agree with her.

if you want to prove to your GF that you don't need her - well you better not go back to her to really prove it that way. just have your own life and work on not beeing so needy, that way you can still be with the gf.

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Breaking up with someone just to prove a point really only proves three things:

1) you're immature

2) you're manipulative

3) the other person deserves better than you

 

Breaking up with someone else who is more well-rounded than you hurts the other person for your own fault/insecurity. As was said above, there are other ways to prove your independence. And the only person you should be proving it to is yourself, not the other person.

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I never said it was wrong for her to be independent. I know she hasn't done anything wrong. Ending a relationship is not controlling.

 

See, I think in this instance it is. You say you are the more needy one and she is more independent. It appears to me like you need some control in your life and by breaking up with her you will get that 'control'

 

do you love her?

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Breaking up with someone just to prove a point really only proves three things:

1) you're immature

2) you're manipulative

3) the other person deserves better than you

 

Breaking up with someone else who is more well-rounded than you hurts the other person for your own fault/insecurity. As was said above, there are other ways to prove your independence. And the only person you should be proving it to is yourself, not the other person.

 

What's wrong with proving it to the other person? I'm not the one who sees a problem with being needy. So I don't need to prove anything to myself. I can't do it for myself when I'm not the one who is bothered by it.

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Same girlfriend. It's not like she is going to admit "hey you are too needy." That's usually not how it works. A woman's actions tell me what her heart desires NOT what she says she wants.

 

I'm the same way to a certain extent. What I say I want from her and what I really want from her are 2 different things. For example I say that I want her to baby me but my actions show that I don't want her to cook for me or that I don't want her to get me a drink or that I don't want her to buy me any christmas or birthday gifts.

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