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I have failed. I hate being a hypocrite


winter whiteout

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In my last thread I talked about how I should not be thinking about men because I feel so desperate then my girlfriend was going to set me up with someone she knows and it made me realize I need to get out of my fantasy mode and date again and not just fantasize about meeting someone and also about my crush at work. I also had the feeling yesterday that I would be ok.

 

Today my girlfriend told me that the guy she wanted to fix me up with was not at an event she went to last night and she does not know when she would see him again and she does not know him that well and even if she did know his phone# she would not feel comfortable talking to him. Ok I can understand that. I went into work and did not go by my crush's office. I get in there and I am training a new girl. She talks about how her weekend was and the huge birthday party that was thrown for her over the weekend. She showed me pictures and it was very nice. Then everyone started talking about their man and holiday plans. At that point on the inside my heart sank and I wanted to cry. The feeling on the inside was before any thought I had. I had that alone, isolated feeling again. I grew up in a big family with my brothers and sister, cousins, grandparents, aunt's and uncles. There were a lot of people around. Most of my extended family is 1.5 hours away but when I was younger they used to come out to visit at my parent's house. Now all my grandparent's are gone and most of my cousin's are married and live in a different state. So I went from being around a ton of people growing up, to getting married and having my own family, but now I am divorced and totally alone with no one around. At my age is when you really want to have your own family because no matter what you do outside your home, what you have to come home to is what is close to your heart.

 

I really wish this all did not bother me and I wish I was not so sad and lonely on the inside. Like I said when I was talking to my new co-worker who I am training I was happy to see the pictures and to hear about what a great time she had and what her sweet boyfriend did for her but on the INSIDE of me I got really sad and tears started rolling down my eyes. I did not have a sad thought, my heart and spirit is what was sad first and then the sad thoughts came.

 

So I have failed at wanting to be strong and be happy being alone. I can't control what my heart and spirit feels. I am truly alone and lonely. I know so many of you have given me good advice but I feel like I have let you down. I am so sorry. Thank you for all your support.

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Even the strongest have those moments where we feel painfully alone. It is human. I get that same ache when I see happy couples acting all lovey dovey...sure it hurts. Holiday time can be really rough. I spend holidays with my parents, I wish I had a significant other to be with as well. You see people paired up enjoying holidays with extended families but also with their partner...I have gone to my aunt and uncle's place where I am the only unpaired person. It hurts a lot. So you are not alone on feeling like this and you didn't let yourself or anyone else down. What you are feeling is simply a human reaction to loneliness.

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Even the strongest have those moments where we feel painfully alone. It is human. I get that same ache when I see happy couples acting all lovey dovey...sure it hurts. Holiday time can be really rough. I spend holidays with my parents, I wish I had a significant other to be with as well. You see people paired up enjoying holidays with extended families but also with their partner...I have gone to my aunt and uncle's place where I am the only unpaired person. It hurts a lot. So you are not alone on feeling like this and you didn't let yourself or anyone else down. What you are feeling is simply a human reaction to loneliness.

 

I am sorry you feel the same way I do. But as I stated before you seem so much more mature than I am the way you handle it. That's why I feel I have failed. No so much for what I feel but the way I can't deal with it in a mature way. I admire you CAD. I wish I could be more like you.

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Just takes time...I have had a lifetime to accept that this is my life...you were thrust into this only a few years ago due to your husband's betrayal...so don't beat yourself up over it...you will eventually get more accustomed to the new lifestyle.

 

See that is thing... I don't want to get accustomed to living alone the rest of my life. I just can't accept it. I don't want to get used to it. But I know I have no choice if it is my fate. I need to GROW UP.

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I was left on my own by my first bf after my divorce. We lived together for a rather long time, along with my son. One day, he decided that he did not want to live with me anymore. He still wanted to be with me, just not living together. I had to move my son out and find a place to live. When I did, I vowed I would not move from there until I found a man I wanted to marry. I'm still living there and I like living on my own. It's been 15 years now. It's not so bad. I like me time and doing things when and how I like it. I'm a different person than you, but I've learned to love being single and I don't want to live with a man at all. I've been with my current bf for nine years, but don't want to get remarried. I hope you get to the same place in your life, then you will be happy no matter what your romantic status.

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So I have failed at wanting to be strong and be happy being alone. I can't control what my heart and spirit feels. I am truly alone and lonely. I know so many of you have given me good advice but I feel like I have let you down. I am so sorry. Thank you for all your support.

 

Maybe a good place to start is to look at the things you say about yourself. You say you have failed, that you're a hypocrite, etc. Maybe part of the reason you feel the way you do is because you are not kind to/about yourself.

 

I don't think anyone expects you to control what you're feeling. It's not the emotions themselves that are bad; what's important is what we do to reign them in so that they don't take us over and control our lives.

 

Your description of the end of your marriage sounds pretty rough. It's understandable that you would feel the way you do right now, regardless of whether you no longer love him, or that's it's been a certain amount of time since then. It was a betrayal of trust and that's a difficult thing for the human psyche.

 

But... at some point, you want to feel better. My only advice to you on how to do that is to take some time for yourself and really think about what it is you want in life, besides a relationship. Think about how you want to live and what types of things make you truly happy. I would also suggest some reading- any books that deal with living in the present and also with positive thinking. This has really helped me, because when I catch myself getting into one of those weepy moods, I'm now able to remind myself to be grateful and also to remember that all we have is now. This is the most important thing.

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See that is thing... I don't want to get accustomed to living alone the rest of my life. I just can't accept it. I don't want to get used to it. But I know I have no choice if it is my fate. I need to GROW UP.

 

you need to realize that life is about yourself. you don't need others to feel complete. it's unnecessary. that's how i live my life. i'm content if being single is my fate.

 

i went to a party recently where is was 90% couples. i had a great time being one of the only single people. a blast actually.

 

i wish i could help you see the light of this.

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