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Ladies, how do you accept being unattractive


sweetdslollipop

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I'm having a hard time dealing with this.

I'll probably get the you are what you think speech, lol. I do think i'm attractive, but I don't get any male attention. I feel like I have an unconventional type of beauty that most men don't appreciate. So I can think I'm attractive all I want, it won't really make a difference.

 

But ladies who feel they are lacking in the looks department, if you struggle with the issues below like I do, please let me know how do you deal and move on:

 

How you accept never being looked at by a male?

How do you accept never being asked out or approached? (Or alteast not as often as the average female?)

How do you accept being looked over when you are around your pretty friends? How do you not let any of this bother you?

 

What kinds of things do you do to make yourself more attractive?

How do you survive in the competitive dating world against other females?

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Sometimes the easiest way to accept something is to simply stop spending time ruminating or dwelling over it. It's one thing to be unattractive but it's another thing to allow these sorts of worries dictate your life.

 

If you seek out males that are on a similar attractiveness scale, then you should be fine. I see this issue posted /very/ often on these boards--in many cases it seems that the posters who complain about lack of dates are in fact seeking out supermodels and don't actually consider the people who are at least on a similar attractiveness level.

 

I know it's so, so hard to feel good about yourself in a world that's so superficial and shallow. It is almost impossible to be satisfied with oneself with the constant barrage of messages telling you that you're not good enough and never will be good enough.

 

However--I've never been approached by anyone in my entire life, but it does not stop me from living my life and it certainly won't dictate my own happiness. If a man deems you unattractive and passes you off for someone with "better looks", then you don't need that man.

 

And when someone comes along who appreciates you for something beyond looks, you'll be all the more happier for it.

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i think you can make the most with what you have - get in shape. if you have bad teeth, get them fixed. if you have acne, get that taken care of. find some cute clothes. that said - i think as you get older, you may grow into your looks, and you'll probably find more guys who aren't looking for another cookie-cutter blonde-hair, blue-eyed size 2 girl with a perfect upturned nose. I think you're at an age right now where guys may have some impossibly high standards, and as guys get older, they'll be more appreciative of a non-standard beauty. my 2 cents....

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You know, i really respect the fact that someone can come up here and tell to people that they're not attractive. And then find a way to cope / alleviate / solve this... I guess, "disability".

 

 

This subject is interesting because from my observation, the pretty girls are the ones with most affirmations from the guys and so they do more and are a lot more confident with themselves, which makes them even more attractive.

 

I usually find girls who are more vibrant, very attractive. But hey, if a beautiful quiet girl is sitting right beside the average looking vibrant girl, I'll want to see what's up with the quiet one. So I see it as a competition out there, i couldn't quiet figure out what you can do. I've always wondered about the average looking girls, and how they view the situation. But when I asked, they bounce the question, not admitting they're one. But i mean my question is an inappropriate & cruel question to be asking in the first place.

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red, I'd rather stay anonymous. Plus posting a pic won't make men stop ignoring me. lol

 

lux, I'm not even after the best looking males in the world. While they are nice to look at, I actually prefer average looking males. But again, it doesn't matter since they also look me over. But I hope to develop your mindset.

 

Annie, I don't know what else to fix physically. Besides growing my hair out, I'm already in shape. I have clear skin. I wear nice clothes. I brush my teeth. I take baths everyday. Why does it have to take so much effort to get noticed? lol

 

duppy, yes, I think i'm attractive. But I'm sure it's normal for anyone to question their looks when they constantly get ignored when around their friends or ignored in general. I compare to artwork in a gallery. As an artist I may love the drawing I created. But if everyone else thinks it looks like crap, it does me no good.

 

Creative, no one likes admitting they're in the average or unattractive category. c'est la vie.

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Where are you going where you are being failed to be noticed? It also depends on whether or not you fit in with the particular group. I can go to a dance club and no one will even glance at me because I don't really belong in this group.

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I think this is a lot more common than not actually.

I don't think an inordinate amount of men really DO approach women

unless they have been given the "green light" to do so.Most guys

are just not that bold.And I don't even believe it has to do with how "attractive"

the woman is...many times it is her receptiveness that draws them in. A woman who

seems to genuinely enjoy herself is like bees to honey.

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I'm one of those people that when I go out, if guys approach it's to talk to my friends. If I get talked to at all, it's by the weird guy they brought along. I've been single since April and the only date I've gone on was a blind one.

 

My mentality has been this. Everyone has their own taste. I might not find myself attractive, but some guys out there have to. Just like I'm going to find some guys attractive and others not. It's all subjective. Who am I to say a guy won't find me attractive? Unfortunately the only ones who seem to act on it end up being real weird. But that's just what I tell myself. I don't have to find myself attractive in order for other people to.

 

Now to deal with the lack of attention, I just try to build my life up otherwise. I'm social and active and pretty happy. It gets me down sometimes, but then I have moments where I realize that in the larger scheme of life, I have it pretty good. I'm making a difference with my career, I have great friends and family, a roof over my head, a job. A lot of people don't have any of that and I'd rather have all of this and no guy than a guy and none of that.

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Now to deal with the lack of attention, I just try to build my life up otherwise. I'm social and active and pretty happy. It gets me down sometimes, but then I have moments where I realize that in the larger scheme of life, I have it pretty good. I'm making a difference with my career, I have great friends and family, a roof over my head, a job. A lot of people don't have any of that and I'd rather have all of this and no guy than a guy and none of that.

 

 

Totally agree here!! We've got to appreciate what we /do/ have as opposed to what we lack..

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But Yes, I can be shy at times, but I can also be confident. But how does a male know I'm shy without even approaching me? Especially if I am confident looking...making eye contact, neutral expression, shoulders back, head up, posture straight, arms open, etc...

 

I don't get why being shy has to be a problem though. Don't some guys like shy girls?

I know shy girls who still get attention, but they're the conventional pretty type, so nevermind...lol.

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thanks Ladies, you're right.

It's just so hard sometimes to ignore because it's constantly being rubbed in my face.

 

 

Aw, I know it's tough. Just know that you're not alone in your situation...and keep as optimistic as possible. There are people out there who would find you attractive.

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Most people who post there picture here are also far more attractive than they themselves think.I'm not sure if it is the fact they are looking for supermodels but the fact that they let there false perception of there unattractiveness dictate there actions and behaviours[particularly men] .Unfortunately men are usually the ones who have to do the asking and pursuing so many men use there ''lack of looks'' as a crutch and use it as an excuse to not pursue women.

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But Yes, I can be shy at times, but I can also be confident. But how does a male know I'm shy without even approaching me? Especially if I am confident looking...making eye contact, neutral expression, shoulders back, head up, posture straight, arms open, etc...

 

I don't get why being shy has to be a problem though. Don't some guys like shy girls?

I know shy girls who still get attention, but they're the conventional pretty type, so nevermind...lol.

Most men wil look for clues that a woman may be interested before they will approach them.Perhaps it is a smile or eye contact,maybe you aren't doing those subtle things that will give a guy a green light.
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I'm making eye contact...how long do I have to stare for them to get the point?

 

I'm not sure about the having to give clues to get approached because I did a survey on another board that's mostly females..and they all said they get hit on daily, and that they never smile or make eye contact. I find this to be true with my friends too. They usually look mean right before they get hit on. I've tried looking mean and nice, but neither work.

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Most people who post there picture here are also far more attractive than they themselves think.I'm not sure if it is the fact they are looking for supermodels but the fact that they let there false perception of there unattractiveness dictate there actions and behaviours[particularly men] .Unfortunately men are usually the ones who have to do the asking and pursuing so many men use there ''lack of looks'' as a crutch and use it as an excuse to not pursue women.

 

 

I agree for the most part. I see examples of that on these boards all the time...

 

The human mind is a powerful, complex thing. We can subconsciously influence our own actions and behavior...and in many ways, we ( the individual ) are our own worst enemy.

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How you accept never being looked at by a male?

i just think about other things while in public, my mind wanders

How do you accept never being asked out or approached? (Or alteast not as often as the average female?)

i'm in a relationship so i think of it as saving me trouble from having to talk to a stranger....before, when i was not in a relationship, i just did not value dating at all. never saw it as important.

How do you accept being looked over when you are around your pretty friends? How do you not let any of this bother you?

i don't have too many female friends any way, the ones i do have, get more looks than i do, so i just ignore it

What kinds of things do you do to make yourself more attractive?

just trying to look presentable each day. i don't go oveboard on the makeup, i just try not fit in.

How do you survive in the competitive dating world against other females?

i don't put any stress on dating.

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well, if you are fit, dress well, and don't have any major deformities you aren't mentioning here, you're probably a perfectly cute girl, but you're being really hard on yourself. i agree with the others - could be that you are shy and sometimes that can give off a 'don't approach me' vibe. as opposed to a girl who is bubbly and smiling and is giving off a 'come talk to me!' vibe. i get approached when i am having fun in a social situation, like a bar, a club, etc..... i don't get approached when i am grumpy and in the library or something. part of it is that you just have to place yourself in a situation where there are 1 - men, and 2 - men who are confident enough to come and talk to you (aka, booze). i think guys themselves can be kind of shy, which is why they don't approach all of the girls they may want to. and that's why bars can be so popular - after a few drinks, people muster up the courage to approach each other.

 

an exercise for you to try - next time you walk into a coffeeshop - imagine that you are a man, looking to ask a girl out on a date. which woman will you approach?

the knockout perfect 10 who is angry or has a very sour look on her face..... or the ok looking girl who has a nice smile on her face and is reading a book about baseball? chances are - you'll approach the woman who looks relaxed, and the guy can just come right up to you and ask how you like that book. figure out what qualities that the 'approachable' women have and try to emulate it.

 

my friend is really really great at this. whenever we go to a bar or coffeeshop, she'll make some really random comment to a cute guy, like, 'is the coffee here any good?' or 'this line is too long....' and often times, the guys are game to flirt. works well.

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I think you just have to work on your confidence. I am sure you are nice looking but confidence goes a VERY LONG way in how other people perceive you. Why don't you take a class or something for self-image/confidence? It will help you because I'm sure there are many men who would love to meet someone like you but might think you aren't available/interested/arrogant, etc but its just your self confidence is low.

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sweetdslollipop, you seem like an intelligent girl. Most younger guys are intimidated by intelligence. Why do you assume that you're unattractive? Have you ever thought about the possibility that guys might be scared to approach you because they're afraid you'll turn them down?

 

I know your questions were geared towards females, but I'm just curious why you seem so convinced other people aren't attracted to you.

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