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Feeling like a failure, mum? This i...
Feeling like a failure, mum? This is what you need to hear

Hi all,

 

Yesterday was a bad day. It's been 2 weeks since I needed to take a sleeping pill to assist me in sleeping. I did not feel like waking up and coming to work. I just wanted to sleep it off. I told myself to get up and she is not worth missing work over. I'm so tired. This battle has been going on for a long time. I'm not going to break NC. I miss the old her a great deal. I'm trying to face my trials and tribulations alone. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

I feel bruised, battered, beaten, and low. My sense of worth is diminishing, sometimes I feel great. Then reality sets in. I'm trying to use everything I feel that is negative as a motivational tool. I feel like breaking and going home sick. To just sleep it off. TIRED!

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Hey, sorry to hear you're having a rough day man. It was hard for me to get out of bed today too, but for a totally different reason. (my story is posted under a thread "I think I made the wrong choice" from yesterday if you wanna read it).

 

Anyhow, you are strong enough to know that this DOES get better. You've had the good days in the mix with the bad. They're getting more frequent. If you want proof, re-read some of your old threads. There's less time between the good threads than before.

 

You can do it buddy. Keep you head up and hang in there. It's normal to feel tired after an emotionally draining night. Just keep pushing forward (hah, get it?)

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Hi push,

 

I was going to post something similar as I'm having a hard time too. Sleep for the last 6 weeks has been elusive for me where I've been prescribed beta blockers to help deal with the anxiety. Not working at all where had about an hour's worth of sleep last night.

 

Nothing seems to work, I think about her all of the time and how badly I messed up in the end. I've chased away the one for me.

 

Time heals all wounds is what I hear but how long will it take, months, years, decades, I hope not.

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Hey, sorry to hear you're having a rough day man. It was hard for me to get out of bed today too, but for a totally different reason. (my story is posted under a thread "I think I made the wrong choice" from yesterday if you wanna read it).

 

Anyhow, you are strong enough to know that this DOES get better. You've had the good days in the mix with the bad. They're getting more frequent. If you want proof, re-read some of your old threads. There's less time between the good threads than before.

 

You can do it buddy. Keep you head up and hang in there. It's normal to feel tired after an emotionally draining night. Just keep pushing forward (hah, get it?)

 

I will read it. I am still going to push forward. I'm just really tired. I'm not sure if I'm having more good days or am I just being distracted from my pain...?

 

You are probably still TIRED from the sleeping pill, when I take one I feel groggy & tired all freakin day.

 

Other then that - Im very sorry you are going thru this, hang in there! **hugs**

 

I think it's partly the sleeping pill, but mostly just the draining emotional battle that I am undergoing. Maybe it is the pill. I just want to sleep in and not wake up until I have healed!

 

Hi push,

 

I was going to post something similar as I'm having a hard time too. Sleep for the last 6 weeks has been elusive for me where I've been prescribed beta blockers to help deal with the anxiety. Not working at all where had about an hour's worth of sleep last night.

 

Nothing seems to work, I think about her all of the time and how badly I messed up in the end. I've chased away the one for me.

 

Time heals all wounds is what I hear but how long will it take, months, years, decades, I hope not.

 

That is bad. I sleep okay for the majority. It's just been getting really bad lately. Not sure why though. I'm not too worried about what bridges are burnt with my ex. She committed the cardinal sin and I have to live with her choice. I'm not sure if time really is healing my wounds. It still feels raw.

 

I pray that it doesn't take me years or decades. I'm devastated as is, if this continues for the next year, I will go insane!

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I will read it. I am still going to push forward. I'm just really tired. I'm not sure if I'm having more good days or am I just being distracted from my pain...?

 

The distraction is a GREAT thing because you're not focusing on it. It doesn't hurt any less deep down, but it's not a prevalent thought. These days where you just feel more distracted than anything are the best days you can have right now. No one thing dominates your mind, and you begin to feel like your old self again.

 

Yes, you may relapse dozens of times before the worst of the storm is weathered, but each time is a little sooner than the last, and each relapse is a bit easier to handle than the one before it.

 

You ARE getting over it. You just think it has to happen in a different way, when all along, you've BEEN HEALING.

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The distraction is a GREAT thing because you're not focusing on it. It doesn't hurt any less deep down, but it's not a prevalent thought. These days where you just feel more distracted than anything are the best days you can have right now. No one thing dominates your mind, and you begin to feel like your old self again.

 

Yes, you may relapse dozens of times before the worst of the storm is weathered, but each time is a little sooner than the last, and each relapse is a bit easier to handle than the one before it.

 

You ARE getting over it. You just think it has to happen in a different way, when all along, you've BEEN HEALING.

 

I don't know if it's healing or letting go. It all hurts and I still think about her 24/7. Even when I'm distracted my subconscious is still thinking about her. I know there more to this emotional storm to be coming. The relapses are not getting easier either. Just makes me want/miss her even more. Love withdrawals SUCK.

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Push - I am 4 months NC and have not slept most of that time. She haunts me still but you have been a big inspiration in my gutting through this Hell. We all have fallbacks and days of pain - we all know they pass and we heal a little more each day. One thing a friend taught me was to search my memory for one vivid recollection of where she truly enraged me with her conduct - whenever I put her back on the pedastal I can now call up that image and it chases the angelic construct that has no footing in reality from my mind. Gut it out.

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Push - I am 4 months NC and have not slept most of that time. She haunts me still but you have been a big inspiration in my gutting through this Hell. We all have fallbacks and days of pain - we all know they pass and we heal a little more each day. One thing a friend taught me was to search my memory for one vivid recollection of where she truly enraged me with her conduct - whenever I put her back on the pedastal I can now call up that image and it chases the angelic construct that has no footing in reality from my mind. Gut it out.

 

Thanks, I'm glad to have been able to help. I don't know how I help, but I just post what I feel. It's so damn hard. I feel like breaking. But, I don't. I don't understand why do I keep putting the relationship on the pedestal. I don't put her on it. She's long gone and doesn't deserve my love.

 

4 months of NC is commendable. I'm barely at 1.5 months of strict NC. It's hell. I hate it and barely scraping through. Like you say, my ex constantly haunts me. Plagues me, tortures me. You name it, I thought it. Healing is not linear, I understand that. I just hate how she is on my mind all the damn time. I want/need to move on.

 

Current mood is Mr Brightside - The Killers.

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Thanks, I'm glad to have been able to help. I don't know how I help, but I just post what I feel. It's so damn hard. I feel like breaking. But, I don't. I don't understand why do I keep putting the relationship on the pedestal. I don't put her on it. She's long gone and doesn't deserve my love.

 

4 months of NC is commendable. I'm barely at 1.5 months of strict NC. It's hell. I hate it and barely scraping through. Like you say, my ex constantly haunts me. Plagues me, tortures me. You name it, I thought it. Healing is not linear, I understand that. I just hate how she is on my mind all the damn time. I want/need to move on.

 

Current mood is Mr Brightside - The Killers.

 

Depressing song. I cried every time I heard it after our 1st break up... even when we were back together. Now, I laugh and change the station.

 

Push and Deckard - As a guy that's weathered NC with the love of their life, I can say that it DOES get better. You have to push yourself every single day to make the difference count, but when it finally starts to count, you feel like you got yourself back.

 

I fought EVERYONE in my life for 4 months about how she was right for me, etc. Once I started to demonize her and remember how easily she wrote me off, and how she picked fights over nonsense and blamed me for her family problems from before I met her; I just realized that I was better off. Every positive thought about her became a negative comment about her. Every OK thought became a negative comment about her. Every negative thought became a negative comment too. I had to talk the trash she treated me like to heal.

 

I am a better person because she left me, though, and I have thanked her for making the worst decision she's ever made for herself. She cried when I told her I was ready to propose when she left me, and she bawled when I told her other things she never opened her eyes to. Do I care that she's miserable now? Not really. She made the relationship bad, and all I did was tell her the truth about how I felt. If that truly makes her feel bad, then so be it. It was her choice to make it bad and leave. Now she has to deal with it, and I'm going to find someone better.

 

Who's with me?

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I dunno, I find it hard because she was amazing up until the break up. I'm severely confused to who she was. Now that I see the real her, I feel disgusted with her lies and load of doo doo. I don't like how I got hurt after pouring myself into the relationship. Lesson learned.

 

I'm going to find somebody better, nah somebody better will find me. I'm all on focusing on healing. I am in no shape to date. Everything reminds me of her, I need to let her out of my heart and head in order to be able to move on. Platonic dating is fine, but any romance is a big no no for me.

 

I don't ever want to make on person my everything ever again.

 

=D

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I dunno, I find it hard because she was amazing up until the break up. I'm severely confused to who she was. Now that I see the real her, I feel disgusted with her lies and load of doo doo. I don't like how I got hurt after pouring myself into the relationship. Lesson learned.

=D

 

push... I feel the same as you. I learned today my exbf is on a single's site already!! It's been 4 weeks since we broke up... my body isn't even cold yet, LOL!

 

He was a phoney(sp?). He always had to be happy happy happy... it was so sickening. He stuffed every emotion he had... good and bad... and he's stuffing the break-up and going on a single's site?... like that's going to do anything!! I'd like to see him get in another relationship, LOL... that's funny!! The more time passes, the more I realize that my exbf was not being honest about alot of things... and like you, it hurts to feel we were taken for a ride

 

but I guess that's the risk we take. Looking back, there were many signs with my ex that I shoud have been more honest about... but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. In the end, he proved to be the same person he was when I started dating him... I just chose not to look at alot of things.

 

So in a way... it's probably alot of my fault.... that I let him continue to be a phony... because I really didn't want to see what was going on... and that was that he couldn't handle emotions...

 

Anyway, I'm rambling. Thinking of you and understanding how you feel... hang in there... it will get better. 6mo from now, you and I will be on the dating part of this site and looking back at these points and thinking "oh brother, they weren't worth it", LOL!!

 

Hang in there my friend

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6 months from now? I want it to be another month. I don't like this magical journey of healing. I just woke up from a nap with a pounding headache. I don't know what it is about waking up. Reality setting in or something. It's like I'm back in survival mode. Eat, sleep and feel pain.

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Anyway, I'm rambling. Thinking of you and understanding how you feel... hang in there... it will get better. 6mo from now, you and I will be on the dating part of this site and looking back at these points and thinking "oh brother, they weren't worth it", LOL!!

 

Hang in there my friend

 

Love is a risk every time. But it is wonderful to be in love. I want to find it again -- with the right person. I've learned a lot about myself since the break-up and feel stronger because of it.

 

One month ago, I was a mess. Now, I still have bad days, but I am pushing through them a little easier. Oddly, you know what helped a little? Thinking about dating again. I went on a couple of dates and it felt nice.

 

But everyone reaches that point at a different time. I know I can't take the real plunge until after Christmas, but baby steps. It is just over two months for me and I am trying my best to stay positive, think of things to do with my time, thinking of books I want to read, movies I want to see. Counting the days until Christmas when I can see my family again.

 

I'm making myself see that the ex wasn't my path to happiness. I want love, to get married and to have a family and I will have them someday - with someone else. Someone better.

 

Hang in there. Stay strong.

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I'm glad that you're feeling much better. Hopefully, I'll be there one day. I'm hurting right now, I don't know why I miss her so much. I don't miss the new her, I miss the old her. I'm cycling through emotions frequently and it's becoming problematic. It's affecting me until no end. The one person I least expected this from, broke my heart and had to do it one of the worst ways possible.

 

The urges is becoming less frequent though. I find myself thinking about contacting her. Which is redundant and will lead me no where, just more hurt, agony and tears. Whoever lives through a breakup deserves a medal. It's so damn hard, especially when you envisioned a future with somebody. To build dreams upon and loved them with all your heart.

 

I remember her kissing me goodbye, I could taste every lie. I got a hole in my heart that's a thousand miles wide.

 

:sad:

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Those things are two very hard things to accept. There were for me, too. It took breaking NC and him being an ***hole. It woke me up wondering what the hell was I doing. I got very angry at him in my mind. I think everyone needs to do and go through that stage. I wrote an angry letter I will never send, in fact deleted it. But that doesn't work for everyone.

 

Hold onto the bad right now because it makes it easier to let go at first. Slowly things and memories become easier. You see it as your urges are becoming less frequent.

 

Time is really the only healing tool. But you are part of that tool as well. You will find the right time to completely let go. I've only just begun, it is a ongoing process.

 

 

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Those things are two very hard things to accept. There were for me, too. It took breaking NC and him being an ***hole. It woke me up wondering what the hell was I doing. I got very angry at him in my mind. I think everyone needs to do and go through that stage. I wrote an angry letter I will never send, in fact deleted it. But that doesn't work for everyone.

 

Hold onto the bad right now because it makes it easier to let go at first. Slowly things and memories become easier. You see it as your urges are becoming less frequent.

 

Time is really the only healing tool. But you are part of that tool as well. You will find the right time to completely let go. I've only just begun, it is a ongoing process.

 

 

 

I'm praying that I do let go. Tired of dumping battery acid on my heart. Not feeling the best right now. I feel like a recovering addict. So hurt, this is small compared to what others are going through, but why is my pain so deep. I will give it time.

 

However, I do feel like checking her myspace. Bad idea, yes I know and yes I will not break NC. It will get me no where, I will not see anything I would want to see. I am looking for more excuses to hurt. Curiosity killed the cat. I've read other posts about breaking NC and should stick with NC after reading their experiences. I don't know why one part of me still wants to check. Ew, I feel like a broken record and sad. Redundancy and insanity at it's best!

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Push - forget myspace or facebook: they are just latent forms of breaking NC and re-injuring your heart. My ex has done everything to make contact _ friends, sister, etc. But I know any decision I make right now will be delusional and prone to tragedy. NC is purity and gets you back to who you were or who you need to become to make the right decision for what works going forward. I hurt to the core of my soul but will not abandon the fruits of these 4 months of pure Hell.

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Push - forget myspace or facebook: they are just latent forms of breaking NC and re-injuring your heart. My ex has done everything to make contact _ friends, sister, etc. But I know any decision I make right now will be delusional and prone to tragedy. NC is purity and gets you back to who you were or who you need to become to make the right decision for what works going forward. I hurt to the core of my soul but will not abandon the fruits of these 4 months of pure Hell.

 

That's nice. I'm over a month, close to a month and a half of pure Hell. This bothers me. I'm struggling so bad. Trying to hold myself together and rebuild myself to better and badder. This confuses me to no end. Why do I have these inner struggles. Why do I even care about her. This isn't what love is supposed to be. Not in my mind, not ever. You don't hurt or give up the ones you love.

 

I will not break NC. No point in beating a dead horse and asking for more hurt. Why I miss her so freaking much is beyond me. I keep replaying the meanest things in my head, what she did, etc.. Yet, momentary goodness comes in and I start missing her. Ugh, somebody give me a success story. Not a story of getting back together, but a story of MOVING ON. Being dumped and ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them.

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You loved her alot and I think its normal for you to miss her even after she broke your heart..i think its great that you've done a month NC..thats better than me and i admire you for that. Its HARD as HELL do keep NC..but its whats needed if you want to move forward..and a month and half isn't really a long enough time to get over someone..i know this is of no comfort to you now..but in time..your gonna get better and you'll wonder why you ever felt this way about her at all...

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You loved her alot and I think its normal for you to miss her even after she broke your heart..i think its great that you've done a month NC..thats better than me and i admire you for that. Its HARD as HELL do keep NC..but its whats needed if you want to move forward..and a month and half isn't really a long enough time to get over someone..i know this is of no comfort to you now..but in time..your gonna get better and you'll wonder why you ever felt this way about her at all...

 

Considering it's been 4 months and I've done a month of NC before, but to get her back. My love is not diminishing, just the negative feelings are. Which is weird... Maybe I loved too much, if that's even possible.

 

I hope you're right about me getting better!

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I know EXACTLY what you mean..i did NC to try and make him miss me..we got back together..the butthole cheats on me later and now im left heartbroken.....BUT as hard as it is and as much as I miss him..i know i have to let go no matter how much i dont want to. Its been a month since my break up and it hasnt been easy..it hurts me to know that he hasnt even tried to contact me and its even harder not to try and contact him. But i know what i deserve now and we BOTH deserve better and to get cheated on is ultimately the most disrespect you can do to someone you supposedly "love" or "care" about..They aren't worth ANY of this..

 

"Life is too short to be anything but happy" and i truly believe that..Dont waste your emotions on someone who doesn't care

 

and you WILL get better!! I promise! =)

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It's sad that good people have bad things happen to them and bad people have good things happen to them. Life works in mysterious ways. I wouldn't even care if my ex contacted me. She cheated, bridges are burnt, that's a deal breaker for me. Makes it so much easier to get over them when they don't call.

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