He hasn't called back

[LAYAAN]

After making it to open communication on EH, he stopped responding to my email for a week. So, I emailed him saying "wats going on, haven't heard from you." He emailed back with his phone no., we talked and we met Sat night.

We sat n talked n had coffee. Total time around 1.5 hours. He wanted us to go n eat, but my tummy started to hurt n I didn't feel comfy telling him that so I politely declined. He said "okay, I'll call you tomorrow." He sent me a text "I reached home safe and hope you did too." I emailed him saying "I did, that was nice of you. I really wanted to spend some more time with you but my tummy was hurting so I didn't feel it was a good idea for me to wait and make you feel uncomfy." He emailed back "okay, hope you feel better."

I waited for his phone call yesterday. He hasn't called back. Does he sound flakey? I'm not gonna call back. He hasn't closed the match yet. Should I wait for one more week?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, maybe he thought you had the flu and he didn't want to catch it.

 

But if he has a pattern of saying he'll call and not doing it, he's not all that interested, or is inconsiderate.

[D_Lish]

No he doesn't sound 'flaky'. He may be reading you as 'not that interested' and because you didn't accept his invite to eat and you cut the date short. Let's face it....dates are cut short, when people don't click. Perhaps he's thinking he didn't float your boat and you were being nice about it.....hence no call.

 

Think in your situation I'd drop him a text, again thank him for a nice evening, that you would like to do it again sometime.....and that's unusual for me to say, lol

[LAYAAN]

wow, D Lish, now I understand why people say "I can't read her" I think, subtly I give out a message that I'm not interested when in reality I'm all over them.

But I did write him back "I really wanted to spend some more time with you but my tummy was hurting so I didn't feel that it was a good idea for me to wait around"

[D_Lish]

But I did write him back "I really wanted to spend some more time with you but my tummy was hurting so I didn't feel that it was a good idea for me to wait around"

 

Yeah but still, he may have thought that the bad tummy was an excuse to cut the date short and you were just being nice about things, letting him down gently.

 

He may have had women cut short dates in the past and he's never heard from them again, one never knows. Hence is why I'd drop the text. No harm in doing that and if you don't hear from him, well then you will have your answer.

[LAYAAN]

yes, I've realized that being honest in a decent, acceptable manner about your feelings is a good idea. That is an area that I struggle with but I'm making efforts to improve myself. In the natural I would not write that, but I wanted him to know so I put my natural self aside for a moment and wrote those lines. I'm proud of myself to climb one step. I'll wait till Thursday and will probably email him back.

[ghost69]

you declined, it's your turn to follow back up with him.

[grymoire]

No he doesn't sound 'flaky'. He may be reading you as 'not that interested' and because you didn't accept his invite to eat and you cut the date short. Let's face it....dates are cut short, when people don't click. Perhaps he's thinking he didn't float your boat and you were being nice about it.....hence no call.

 

Think in your situation I'd drop him a text, again thank him for a nice evening, that you would like to do it again sometime.....and that's unusual for me to say, lol

 

Yeah but still, he may have thought that the bad tummy was an excuse to cut the date short and you were just being nice about things, letting him down gently.

 

He may have had women cut short dates in the past and he's never heard from them again, one never knows. Hence is why I'd drop the text. No harm in doing that and if you don't hear from him, well then you will have your answer.

 

Excellent replies!! I completely agree.

 

If you look around ENA Tinu you will notice that lying is encouraged and considered to be better than giving honest answers when there is no interest. Lot of women will say "i have a boyfriend" or "i met someone" when in fact it is not the truth. So when you cut short the date and then told that you had tummy problems he would have interpreted that as you rejecting him in a very nice way.

[LAYAAN]

hmm... thats interesting, b'coz I really had menstrual cramps and I didn't want to gross him out by saying that. I didn't say right there that my tummy hurts b'coz I didn't want to worry him or feel that I'm making some excuse up.

By the time I got home it got so bad that I could barely get out of my car. Now, I didn't want to explain all this to him. But I guess I will now. I really don't want to say all this.

[grymoire]

hmm... thats interesting, b'coz I really had menstrual cramps and I didn't want to gross him out by saying that. I didn't say right there that my tummy hurts b'coz I didn't want to worry him or feel that I'm making some excuse up.

By the time I got home it got so bad that I could barely get out of my car. Now, I didn't want to explain all this to him. But I guess I will now. I really don't want to say all this.

 

Oh no no... plz don't say all these details to him now..

 

You already told him you had problems with your tummy. leave it at that...

 

The responses given here were just like a guidance for you to understand how he may have perceived your action and the subsequent response.

[LAYAAN]

I would have closed the match after he didn't respond to me for a week.

Yes, thats what I normally do, but this man is within my drive distance, he is educated and from same ethnicity so I decided to write a line before closing the match. If he wouldn't respond, I would have closed the match anyways.

[LAYAAN]

Yeah but still, he may have thought that the bad tummy was an excuse to cut the date short and you were just being nice about things, letting him down gently.

He may have had women cut short dates in the past and he's never heard from them again, one never knows. Hence is why I'd drop the text. No harm in doing that and if you don't hear from him, well then you will have your answer.

okay, I don't exactly get why its needed, but since everyone here is saying so, I'll take your advice D_Lish and I'll write him an email now.

I suck at this thing with dating and men.

[grymoire]

okay, I don't exactly get why its needed, but since everyone here is saying so, I'll take your advice D_Lish and I'll write him an email now.

I suck at this thing with dating and men.

 

Tinu plz do not provide him explicit details... in fact you don't even have to write to him.. you already mentioned stomach-ache.. leave it at that.

[LAYAAN]

Tinu plz do not provide him explicit details... in fact you don't even have to write to him.. you already mentioned stomach-ache.. leave it at that.

No, I didn't provide any details. I didn't want to write back. He said he will call, he should have called. okay, I didn't show "visible" signs that I was interested (as everyone here is saying) so I wrote a message "Yes, I took rest yesterday and I feel much better today. Thanks for a pleasant evening."

[grymoire]

No, I didn't provide any details. I didn't want to write back. He said he will call, he should have called. okay, I didn't show "visible" signs that I was interested (as everyone here is saying) so I wrote a message "Yes, I took rest yesterday and I feel much better today. Thanks for a pleasant evening."

 

great.. now the ball is in his court.

 

good luck. let us know what happened

[LAYAAN]

great.. now the ball is in his court.

good luck. let us know what happened

Ya, we'll c. If you don't hear back from me on this one, you know that it didn't work. If it does, I'll let you guys know.

[LAYAAN]

Thank you everyone for all your replies. I appreciate it.

[LAYAAN]

He emailed me back saying "I'm glad you are feeling better. Call me whenever you get time. I know you are busy."

Why am I expected to call? Why can't he call? I don't like it when men tell me to call them after 1st date. It makes me feel like now he has the control. If I call, he decides if he wants to answer it or not. Now I call and talk what? I feel awkward to call a man after 1st date. He is supposed to call and set up another date. He is not doing that.

He said he will call yesterday. He didn't and now this? Come on. Should I remind him that he said so?

I don't think this man is stepping up to the plate. I'm feeling like he is making me do all the work. I had to nudge him after a week of no contact. Then he set up a date. Now he is telling me to call him? I hate this.

[Ammy]

Just call him and arrange another date, and go from there. No point playing too many games and expecting too much too soon re: arranging dates... I have made that mistake. Just make a date, you can learn much more about a person in person and really develop a stronger connection.

 

So call him with a specific idea in mind, make a specific plan and that will cut out all the worry and analysis!

 

Ammy

[D_Lish]

You mailed...the guy now knows that you do have a further interest in him and that your early departure was not a case of 'no interest'. He's responded to your mail and asked you to call him when you get time....he knows you are a busy woman. Perhaps he was thinking that if he'd set up a date, you'd have come back with 'Oh Im busy that day'.....and so I figure he's leaving it up to you, to get back to him when you are free.

 

In this situation and if the guy told me to call when I was free....I would call.

So call him and when you are free to do so..

 

I'd call once, say in 2 or 3 days, but that would be all. I wouldn't keep on pursuing, if I received no reply to that call. If he is interested in another date, he will answer/get back as soon as he can.

 

You are gonna get your answer, he's interested/he's not, soon enough....

 

Good Luck

[LAYAAN]

Oh D_Lish, you tell me to do what I don't like doing. But fine.

I do feel like I'm pursuing him and I don't want him to get into that habit. I don't want him to slack off like this.

[LAYAAN]

Here is additional information -

In our meeting, he was sitting like 2 feet accross from me.

He said "Oh, being a pharmacist is an easy thing. What do they do? They don't seem to do much. They just have to follow physician's orders. Its not a hard job." Should I see this as a red flag? Should I casually talk about this if we get together 2nd time?

He didn't come properly dressed. His hair didn't look good. His shirt looked wrinkled to me.

And I'm not making up excuses here, but I really wasn't all that attracted to him. I was just going with the flow. Someone here said that they didn't feel that chemistry/spark with their bf until after 3-5 dates, so just keep going on dates. I'm following the same advice here.

I really dont' know what to make out of all this.

[D_Lish]

Oh D_Lish, you tell me to do what I don't like doing. But fine.

I do feel like I'm pursuing him and I don't want him to get into that habit. I don't want him to slack off like this.

 

I don't see it as 'pursuing' if he asked you to call and he may be expecting a call.

 

Pursuing is when you call and repeatedly and when they havn't told you to call....

[D_Lish]

Here is additional information -

In our meeting, he was sitting like 2 feet accross from me.

He said "Oh, being a pharmacist is an easy thing. What do they do? They don't seem to do much. They just have to follow physician's orders. Its not a hard job." Should I see this as a red flag? Should I casually talk about this if we get together 2nd time?

He didn't come properly dressed. His hair didn't look good. His shirt looked wrinkled to me.

And I'm not making up excuses here, but I really wasn't all that attracted to him. I was just going with the flow. Someone here said that they didn't feel that chemistry/spark with their bf until after 3-5 dates, so just keep going on dates. I'm following the same advice here.

I really dont' know what to make out of all this.

 

What is all the fuss about then, if you aren't that attracted to him? LOL

 

There was no initial 'spark' with me and my ex H for the first few times.... come to think of it, I don't think there was really ever a real 'spark' at all....still married him and was with him ten years!

[grymoire]

This rant could have been justified if you did not bail out on the dinner. YOU gave an excuse and cut short the date and now you are so mad because he wants you to call him???