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How do you keep from starting a serious relationship?


caasiopia68

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The last relationship I was in got too serious and it took the fun out of everything. After we were committed to each other it was more of a responsibility than fun relationship.

So I met a girl and we've been unofficially with each other for a few weeks. We aren't committed to each other and I haven't told her that I loved her even though sometimes I feel like I should. I really like her and she really likes me and there's so much attraction between us. I just don't want things to get too serious because I have a problem with being dependent and losing a lot of friends by only focusing on the girl I'm with. I want our relationship to be fun and close but without all kinds of limiting commitment and emotional attachment.

How can we be together without letting our feelings control us?

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you either need to consciously control your feelings and detach yourself from her a bit, or back off a bit and spend less time together.

 

if you don't want a serious relationship with one person, i would advise you not to spend so much time with this person if you will feel yourself falling for them. it's asking for trouble.

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Tell her how you feel. You like her & you like spending time together, but you do not want a serious relationship because you think it will cause you distance yourself from everyone else, & you want to maintain your other friendships. And also because you are not looking for a commitment. Just be honest with her. It will give her more realistic expectations of you & help you both avoid conflict in the future.

 

Don't avoid her & treat her badly, but limit the time you spend together. See each other a couple times a week or maybe just on weekends. Keep the conversations light. Do NOT tell her you love her & do not sleep with her. That will only cause you guys to become more attached & would make it much more difficult to keep the dating casual.

 

Find out how she feels about you guys casually dating & never having the possibility of becoming a couple. She might be ok with it at first but eventually she (or maybe you) will not be satisfied & want more. Don't be surprised if she ends it because she wants an actual relationship.

 

Maybe your last relationship was more work than it was worth, but in my experience with my current bf the payoff of having someone here with me is well worth the effort. What you decide is totally up to you, but just so you know, not all relationships are either boring, full of drama, or more work than they're worth.

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The last relationship I was in got too serious and it took the fun out of everything. After we were committed to each other it was more of a responsibility than fun relationship.

So I met a girl and we've been unofficially with each other for a few weeks. We aren't committed to each other and I haven't told her that I loved her even though sometimes I feel like I should. I really like her and she really likes me and there's so much attraction between us. I just don't want things to get too serious because I have a problem with being dependent and losing a lot of friends by only focusing on the girl I'm with. I want our relationship to be fun and close but without all kinds of limiting commitment and emotional attachment.

How can we be together without letting our feelings control us?

 

It seems to me that you have the wrong attitude towards relationships altogether. First of all, you should not tell someone you love them just because you feel you have to...you should only be telling someone you love them because that is how you actually FEEL and because of how you FEEL, you want to let them know. You have only been with this person for a few weeks so speaking words of love would simply be infatuation talking, not real love. People often make the mistake of thinking that only when you speak words of love will the relationship be serious...love grows over time but you can be serious about someone long before you have full-fledged mature love for them. As for the notion of being serious and thereforee losing you friends...that is a problem you need to sort out within yourself...simply not getting serious about someone is not going to solve your problem. It is very important to maintain your own identity and that is definitely do-able even when you are in a very serious relationship. Having a serious relationship SHOULD NOT mean that you have no independent life and no independent friends..if it does for you then you need to work on that issue. As for fun and close well...a committed relationship doesn't mean that fun gets thrown out the window...and if you want a close relationship then chances are it will get serious.

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The last relationship I was in got too serious and it took the fun out of everything. After we were committed to each other it was more of a responsibility than fun relationship.

So I met a girl and we've been unofficially with each other for a few weeks. We aren't committed to each other and I haven't told her that I loved her even though sometimes I feel like I should. I really like her and she really likes me and there's so much attraction between us. I just don't want things to get too serious because I have a problem with being dependent and losing a lot of friends by only focusing on the girl I'm with. I want our relationship to be fun and close but without all kinds of limiting commitment and emotional attachment.

How can we be together without letting our feelings control us?

 

Keeping it casual is a good idea not spending a lot of time together is another thing to do.

But letting her know you dont want anything serious or commited is important to prevent her from getting hurt.

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