If this happened to you, what would you do?

[fivespot]

I've been down this road before, and it sucks. I've always been given advice before about how to avoid the friendzone, especially by many people here, so I think most people will say I did the right thing, but I'd really like to hear reasons as to why what I did might have been wrong.

 

Here it goes:

 

I like this girl a lot. We've only dated once, but then she tells me she's seeing someone else. So I gave up and backed off completely. Two weeks later, she comes back, asking me if I'd like to hang out. I say sure, assuming things didn't work out with the guy she just started seeing.

 

So now we have all these plans made. I shouldn't have assumed anything, but I did... so I eventually ask her..."so i guess things didn't work out with that guy you were seeing."

 

Her: "no things are going great, but he lives 3 hours away."

 

And she just spent all last weekend with him.

 

After I found that out, I told her I want to scrap all the plans we made. I'm pretty sure she's angry, but I feel like I did the right thing, only because I've been down this road before with my ex. We were trying to get back together. I was always hanging out with her, making this huge effort trying to get back with her...but then I found out she was out doing someone else as soon as I went home.

 

Maybe if I would have actually went along with this, this girl would have eventually dumped her bf for me since I live right down the street and maybe because we hit it off better.

 

But I didn't want to play that game, though...

 

I'm seriously bummed right now

[wgq]

The girl has chosen that guy over you. I think she is being very selfish and is only using you, as she knows you want more from her. That's very disrespectful. No more time for her, if it was me. Go out and have fun with a girl who is interested in you

[kadvati79]

The girl has chosen that guy over you. I think she is being very selfish and is only using you, as she knows you want more from her. That's very disrespectful. No more time for her, if it was me. Go out and have fun with a girl who is interested in you

 

Hold on, dating does not always have to mean you will end up boyfriend/girlfriend. They went on a date, she said she met someone else. She left if a few weeks... then asked if he wanted to catch up. What's wrong with wanting to be friends? She was straight up when questioned.

 

It sounds like you both assumed different things. But I think you dealt with it okay, I mean, you didn't want to be friends - so you ended it all. I think that's fine, she might be a bit pissed - but thats life.

[fivespot]

I honestly think she wanted me to be a backup in case things don't work out with this other guy. Seriously, we made plans to do like 5 different things in the coming weeks.

 

That's why I feel hurt, because she said she hates when people do it to her...then she goes right out and does it to me.

 

There's something wrong with this. Like I said, I also completely backed off a few weeks ago. Now I'm backing off again. She must think I'm a real tool.

 

But this time I am hurt and I am taking it personally...

[ghost69]

Hold on, dating does not always have to mean you will end up boyfriend/girlfriend. They went on a date, she said she met someone else. She left if a few weeks... then asked if he wanted to catch up. What's wrong with wanting to be friends? She was straight up when questioned.

 

It sounds like you both assumed different things. But I think you dealt with it okay, I mean, you didn't want to be friends - so you ended it all. I think that's fine, she might be a bit pissed - but thats life.

 

because he wants more than friends with her. that is why the OP should not remain friends.

 

OP, you seem to be available any time this girl comes beckoning for you. you need to quit this. tell her flat out you will hang out with her when she does not have a bf anymore. case closed.

[NJRon]

I think you did the right thing. I agree with you that she sound slike she was looking for someone on the side. Good call.. look for someone who's available. For that matter, if this girl becomes available, you should still be long gone... move on to greener pastures.

[fivespot]

Thanks everybody.

 

Yeah... I mean when you're just casually dating someone, you're allowed to see other people. She really wanted me to hang out with her more. You could tell she was getting all excited when we were making plans.

 

But she had no problem telling me she's seeing someone else right now...

 

If she really wanted me, wouldn't she have told the other guy that she met someone else (me)? That seems logical to me. The fact that she didn't tells me I'm setting myself up to be strung along.

[fivespot]

Maybe I'm just second guessing myself because I acted on my gut, rather than think it through.

 

You guys are right...

 

But I can't help but think twice about it. She was like, let's just hang out and see where things go.

 

Maybe I was taking things too seriously right out of the starting gate???

 

I don't know...if someone needed advice about a similar problem, I'd probably tell them to run away too. She's in control of a situation and she's taking advantage of it. But I can't help but wonder.

 

I have to face it...I suck at dating. And even though I feel like I did the right thing, part of me still feels like I messed up really bad somehow. I mean, if the guy lives 3 or 4 hours away, how serious could their relationship possibly get?

 

LDRs happen if you're really into the person, but they don't make much sense to me unless you're absolutely in love with the person.

[ghost69]

this isn't your gut, this is false hope. quit holding onto it.