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how to turn him down?


LAYAAN

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Hello all,

okay, got in touch with a man online, in his profile "physically handicapped: yes", slipped me. (I know I'm at fault here). This was in a separate section (you can call it fine print) and he didn't elaborate on it in the main section. We talked on phone once, during that I pulled up his profile and did notice that point. I asked him. He did mention it and there was a strange silence after that. I tried to say something after that but we ended the conversation soon.

I do not want to go ahead with this. I'm thinking of writing something like "I met somone last night and from what it appeared, we both are interested in getting to know one another more. So, I'll have to say sorry to you. Wish you good luck!" or "I'm currently too busy with my school and want to take a break for a while from dating." or "I thought about our talk and I don't think we are compatible. Wish you good luck!"

What would be an appropriate reply? I don't want to leave him hanging.

Thank you.

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Leave him hanging.

 

It happens to him all the time.

 

He's quite used to it, in fact he expects no less.

 

He's right. You can word it any way you want but because of that conversation and awkward pause he won't buy it. He'll know why.

 

In all honesty, leaving him hanging might be the best thing you can do. I don't see how being upfront is any kinder.

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What is his handicap?

 

Don't make excuses, it will be better for him if you come out and be completely honest with him.

 

An old friend of mine was physically handicap (Born paralyzed from the neck down) and he took a beating growing up and it wasn't the people that were honest with him it was the ones who made "Excuses". He has feelings too, would you prefer someone lie to you and say "Oh i'm too busy with school, or I met someone else (How do you explain why you're still active on the site?)?" or would you want them to be upfront and honest with you about why they weren't interested?

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i guess if you aren't ok with it, then it's your choice. it's ok to be picky about what you want.

 

i'd just tell him you thought about it, and you think you two aren't a match, but you wish him good luck in his search. i'd keep it at that. honest, but it's not harsh.

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He's right. You can word it any way you want but because of that conversation and awkward pause he won't buy it. He'll know why.

 

In all honesty, leaving him hanging might be the best thing you can do. I don't see how being upfront is any kinder.

 

Leaving him hanging is just disrespectful and quite an immature way to handle things. It's alot more respectful to say "here's the deal, I just can't see myself being with someone with a physical handicap." Either way it will hurt but hey i'd much rather someone be honest with me than lie or just disappear.

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That's F'ed up!

 

Why don't you just be a decent human being and tell the truth. that way at least he knows you are biased against handicapped people and he can move on.

 

 

geez.. i was just going to write a post about this.. how many people know a handicapped person who's always being discriminated against!

 

Well, there for the grace of god, go I!

 

Hope you never end up handicapped OP! It's a sad lot for those who are...

 

No one seems to treat the handicapped fairly.... I find it odd how the ADA (American Disabilities Act) is never being enforced but some minority who's perfectly healthy always insists they be given front running...

 

Poor guy.. just tell him the truth... you think leaving him hanging is doing him some kind of favor?

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Leaving him hanging is just disrespectful and quite an immature way to handle things. It's alot more respectful to say "here's the deal, I just can't see myself being with someone with a physical handicap." Either way it will hurt but hey i'd much rather someone be honest with me than lie or just disappear.

 

Someone fading out of my life would not hurt me. Someone reminding me of one more thing I can't do because of something I have no control over WOULD bother me. It's no different then not responding to calls or e-mails from a guy you're no longer interested in. You don't really need to explain why.

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No one seems to treat the handicapped fairly.... I find it odd how the ADA (American Disabilities Act) is never being enforced but some minority who's perfectly healthy always insists they be given front running...

 

well, there's a difference between someone applying for a job, and someone looking for a date. i think it's wrong to discriminate when it comes to hiring a worker, but when it comes to dating, you can come up with whatever preferences you want. if you only want someone who is over 6 feet tall, is bald and likes penguins, well, it's your lovelife, you can date whomever you'd like!!!

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Hey tinu, I think that any message will send him the message that it's about the handicap. I think it's more respectful to be upfront in fact. Are you turning him down for that reason only?

I agree with you. Yes, I'm turning him down for that reason only.

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I saw this handicap guy opening doors for people, they aren't any less of a person.

right, I agree. I respect them too. But I can't see myself marrying one and I dont' want to raise his hopes. It hurts me to say no, but I've to make it known to him.

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What is his handicap?

 

Don't make excuses, it will be better for him if you come out and be completely honest with him.

 

An old friend of mine was physically handicap (Born paralyzed from the neck down) and he took a beating growing up and it wasn't the people that were honest with him it was the ones who made "Excuses". He has feelings too, would you prefer someone lie to you and say "Oh i'm too busy with school, or I met someone else (How do you explain why you're still active on the site?)?" or would you want them to be upfront and honest with you about why they weren't interested?

I agree with what you say here. I feel the same way too. But I just don't know what to say to him.

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i guess if you aren't ok with it, then it's your choice. it's ok to be picky about what you want.

 

i'd just tell him you thought about it, and you think you two aren't a match, but you wish him good luck in his search. i'd keep it at that. honest, but it's not harsh.

 

right, this makes sense.

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Leaving him hanging is just disrespectful and quite an immature way to handle things. It's alot more respectful to say "here's the deal, I just can't see myself being with someone with a physical handicap." Either way it will hurt but hey i'd much rather someone be honest with me than lie or just disappear.

this is being too upfront from my perspective. Yes, even I dont want to lie or just disappear.

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just tell him thay you're not interested. if he asks why say that you don't feel chemistry/compatibility.

 

i knew this blind man. he had a gorgeous wife. kinda sad how he never saw his wife. but they were a nice couple.

 

yeah, i worked with this blind guy too, trust me, he was smarter and better and harder working and more skilled than 3 full sighted people, combined! he's so adjusted, people often don't realize that he's blind. i would forget myself. he has a lovely wife too.

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Being direct only works in an ideal world.

 

Saying that will cause him a world more pain than saying nothing.

 

It's confirming what he already suspects but is partially in denial about. The denial is a cushion to his system and being harsh and direct will be a real shocker.

 

do you have a leg handicap...??

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by how much? 1 inch? 2 feet?

 

I dunno - look, like i said - you just have to realize he could be an amazing guy and make an amazing husband, and he might be a great person, and you might not even notice or care about the leg should you meet. of course, and just know if you ever got into an accident or whatever, there would be some guys who wouldn't be interested in dating you as a result. how would you feel about that?

 

whatever you feel comfortable with, go with that.

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