Did you have a lot of emotions picking up your things?

[abitbroken]

Well, this week I go back to our home and get the rest of my things - furniture and all. I have been going to counseling and support groups since my husband left, and then subsequently filed for divorce.

 

I do feel stronger having had support, and feel like that I am doing a lot of inner work. I feel that I won't put up with the treatment I endured again during the marriage. I know it takes two to tango, because sure he liked me under his thumb but I know I sort of "jumped" to please him too though it never was enough.

 

Anyway, when you had to go back and get your things, was it emotional for you? I just have a feeling that I feel calm now, but once I get back there, I am not sure how I will feel.

 

How did it go/how did it feel when you went through it? I just don't know if I should prepare to have a total melt down or backslide or if I will just be numb? I know everyone is different but I have never done anything like this before. And it is a lot of stuff that was both of ours, not just merely my clothes

 

I have never been through a breakup like this before. I did date one other person before I met my husband but we never lived together, etc...there was really nothing of mine that I had to get back from him, etc.

[nutbrownhare]

Within my experience, you'd have to be very detached not to get emotional in this sort of situation - if not at the time, then shortly afterwards. All the memories, hopes, dreams, associations ... it's all powerful stuff.

 

If you prepare for total meltdown, make sure lots of support's in place just in case, then you're much more likely to stay cool and dignified during the whole process. If it's at all possible, make sure you're doing something nice that day and stay as stress-free as possible.

 

Hope this helps!

[lostandhurt]

My ex came by yesterday to pick up more stuff. I made as easy as possible and moved most of it to the front room. I sat at the kitchen table as the ex and her sister walked by.

What they were moving is just stuff to me now but the act itself was strange. I wasn't looking forward to having her here but I wanted that stuff out. She betrayed me and our family and I just don't want to deal with her at all.

 

Stay focused on the task at hand. Like you are helping a friend move. Don't focus on anything. Just look at them as objects that need to be moved. If you start looking at them as anything else, the memories will start flooding forward and emotions will follow. You can go through the stuff in private and when you are ready. Take a friend or family member for support and distraction. If they see you having a hard time they can step in and keep your mind off the bad until it is over. These things are the last parts of taking apart a life together. It has been a sad ending to our 20 yrs together.

 

I wish you all the best for your new life

 

lost

[abitbroken]

Thanks guys.

 

Well, it will be a lot of work because he took all the vehicles and electronics and I have to go through everything else - my personal possessions, every fork, every wastebasket, etc. Yikes.

 

I do not think he will be there while I do this so maybe it won't be as emotional. But we will see what happens when I get there.

[jennamajig]

When I had to pack and move out, I broke down. I brought three friends with me and they did almost all the work. I would not have been able to do it without them. The ex was there when I showed up, despite me telling him specifically when I was coming as a hint to not be there.

 

Bring a friend or two with you. That way, they can support you if you get emotional. And the packing and such will move much faster.