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How do I get my parents to be more comfortable with this?


forever1130

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Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over a year now. He's 22 and I'm 17 (only 5 years.. so not too big of a gap) but I just curious if you guys had any suggestions on how to get my parents to be more comfortable with me dating someone older?

 

I'm not 100% sure if they know were dating or not, I'm sure they suspect it since they're not complete morons. But the few times I brought it up a long time ago to my mom that I liked him, she made it clear that she wasn't too fond of the idea of me dating someone who is 22. It wasn't so much the 5 year age difference she had a problem with cause she said if I was 20 and wanted to date someone 25, there would be no problem, but just the fact that I'm still 17 makes her weary. Oh and the fact that he's 3 years older than my older brother (he's 19) freaks her out lol

 

So what do you think, should I just not bring it up till I'm at least a little bit older ( say, at least 18 )? Should I just tell them that we're dating? Should I wait until they bring it up, I mean if they suspect that were going out and really don't approve of it, they'll say something, right?

 

What do you guys think, I'd love to hear..

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sometimes it just takes time for a parent to get used to someone, I'm dating someone who is 17 years older then me and it took a little bit for them to get used to it. Now they love him.

 

If you don't tell them you aren't giving them a chance to get used to it. But at 17 you still live with them, you are still a minor and if they do freak out you kind of have to deal with it for awhile.

 

um, so, what do you think they will do? if the worse you can think of it that they'll be upset and want to talk to you and might be a little mean to him that is one thing, if you think they might tell you not to see him at all, or leave if you want to keep seeing him that is another.

 

So... how do you think they'll take it?

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Well, there is the issue of you still being a minor. I would really suggest you do not have a physical relationship until you are past your 18th birthday.

Seriously.

 

They are not crazy to be worried. The whole underage minor thing may be on their mind and is a consideration. Being at the age where you are graduating from high school if not this year, next, there are a lot of options ahead of you and I am sure that they do not want your decisions about college or whatever you would do next be put on hold or changed to something that really isn't your dream in order to date an older guy. Also, they may think that a guy at 22 who is the age where he could be already graduated from college might be more experienced and want to move too fast, and you might not have the experience or maturity to see what is happening. I am not just talking about sex, but they don't want you to miss out on meeting different people etc at this age.

 

I am not saying i believe all that totally, but that may be what they are thinking. I am not saying you aren't mature -- i was very much mentally ahead of people my age when I was 17 but there was a huge difference in my goals and experience between my 17 year old self and even my 19 year old self. I outgrew a lot of things and people.

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As for the physical relationship until I'm 18... not to worry. I've told him that i don't want to do anything until I'm ready (which I'm not) and he was more than fine with that, hence the reason we've done nothing past making out lol

 

What did you mean when you said "they do not want your decisions about college or whatever you would do next be put on hold or changed to something that really isn't your dream in order to date an older guy"?

How would dating someone change that? Just because I'm dating him doesnt mean I'm not going to go to college and study what I've always wanted to study to try to get the job I've always wanted, rather I would jsut be sharing the whole expirence with him?

That was the only part that confused me, but other than that you made some very valid points!

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well... if you were to not go to the school you wanted to go to because its far away from him, that would be an issue that would apply to what abitbroken said. some people even put off college or drop out, but it doesn't seem you're headed down that path, which is good.

 

its important to have good communication with your family. if they freak out, you have to feel comfortable explaining to them that you have discussed with him the fact that you're not going to move at a pace you're not comfortable with and reiterate that hes not pressuring you. it will be reassuring if you tell them that you have not been sexually active with him yet. if you're in a relationship with a 22 year old, you should be capable of acting as mature as a 22 year old.

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