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Emiliekin

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So, odd yes.. Tonight I ventured back onto this site. I am yes back together with my boyfriend, and things are great! So anyways, I have been reading and I see so much NC NC NC... This is a getting back together forum, I think and just my honest opinion, that NC is great, but I only believe it is great if you have to get on with your life. If you are truly over forever. I think if you just recently broke up, say a couple days ago, then NC for a few weeks is the way to go. You need to think deep about what you want in the relationship, what he did wrong and what you did wrong. Nobody is perfect, nor any relationships. All this threads of months without contact, still wanting their ex back, well it all ends up the same! The other party always ends up dating someone else.

 

In my opinion, and yes im sure a lot of people will disagree, I think that the first few weeks you need to think about things. What has even worked for me was to say to my Ex, after say about 3 days after the breakup, that we should go 2-3 weeks (you both decide) without contact. You pick a day that either you will meet at a certain spot (or if your like me doing longdistance, meet on IM) and if both show up then you have to work *together* through the issues. Even if they say nonono I wont show up, you say to them "Thats fine, and on that day I will be sure I need to move on if I show up, otherwise we can say that date for now."

 

I just feel that NC for months at a time lets people slip away and move on. I just felt I would post all this, plenty more thoughts but that is all for tonight

 

-Em

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a few questions for you.

 

What if the other party wants NC or "space"?

 

What if they dont want to "meet" to work things out?

 

I believe the majority of people here are faced with that problem.

 

I for one was not broken up with over silly reasons or had a scenario where they still love me but are confused or what not. I believe that is actually a sign of immaturity.

 

A common break up make up kinda thing isnt what most of us are fretting about.

 

She walked out of my life and hasnt looked back once. There is nothing i could do to get her back right now, i know because ive tried. I did everything that i knew how too, but its realized that its not about what i did, its about who i was it took months for the fun loving, confident and spontaneous guy that i once was to evaporate into what i am now; and its not going to change over night.

 

So what are my options? I have but one. Accept that it is over. Live my life, and love every minute of it. Regain what i have lost, and if by the grace of God we find a way back into each others heart then thats awesome. But if not, i need to be able to move on.

 

Moving on should be the goal of everyone here. Can you expect any relationship to function with so much pain, and sometimes anger still in our hearts? I dont think so. In order to Truly forgive someone we must learn to first Truly forgive ourselves, and that also takes a long time for some including myself.

 

So basically for me... Time is all ive got on my side. I miss her dearly, but i know what I need to do now.

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Well i'm basically just going on because of it being a "Get back together" forum and how *some* people are willing to do whatever they can to get back together. Yes it does most certainly depend on the relationship, but you have to think if someone breaks up with you of course they are going to say "NO WAY I WILL NOT MEET YOU!!!".. So in my experience, you give in a few days (5 days I would say) and then you tell them that. The next process is going into NC for the amount of time you decided to wait until the date you are suppose to meet (or if LD chat). You state that the person does NOT have to show up, and maybe yes you will end up sitting alone. BUT it gives both parties time to think about what happened in the relationship after the fact of the fresh breakup argument, or whatnot has cleared the air. If say you chose a cafe in say 3 weeks time, 3 weeks pass and the other party does not show up. You may feel hurt, and heartbroken but then you know for yourself its over its done, I gave an effort without begging and now I need to move on. Its just how I see it. IF you want your EX back and depending on how it ended.

 

-Em

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I actually agree. My ex knows I love her and that I care about her and that I want her in my life. I told her so as well, but I also told her I couldn't be friends at the moment as the pain it caused me to just talk to her, knowing she needed a break from our relationship, hurt so much. It wasn't fair to me or to her to just be friends after everything we felt. I went NC, and I'm feeling a little better. I'm not at that point where I can live without her, and I know I'd die if she was seeing someone else, but at some point, I need to talk to her about everything if she fails to contact me. I know she loves me and wants it to work, at least that's what she told me, and if it's true, I'd rather know what she's thinking sooner, rather than later. I don't want to go on hoping when there is no hope, so I'm giving her the space she wanted to gather her thoughts, and in a few weeks I'll call her. Hopefully we'll talk. If she's still not ready, I'll just tell her to call me when she's ready to talk.

 

We ended on good terms. I understand the reasoning she gave me, and I accept it. We were in a long distance relationship, and she was depressed over the distance. She needed to find herself, because she wasn't happy with the way she was. She loves me, just couldn't deal with the stress.

 

We were together for over two years. I shared things with her I've never told anyone in my life. Secrets I never thought I'd share. Honestly, I feel that she is my best friend, despite me not being able to be friends with her at the moment.

 

Basically what it comes down to for me is, if I stay NC for months on end, and she never contacts me, how will I ever know for sure what she thought? Everyone says they'll contact you if they really miss you, but everyone also says to just ignore them unless them say right away that they want you back. Not everyone is like that. I don't want to regret not trying to talk it out a bit to see if there is anything to be saved.

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