It does get better, doesn't it?

[HereIGoAgain]

Bit of a vent as I'm feeling very low and not getting past my breakup even though it was over 4 months ago.

 

Was doing okay until I talked about it to a mutual friend of the ex about 5 weeks ago. Since then been in a downward emotional spiral ever since.

 

Was out today on my own in town where I went past the restaurant that I first took my ex gf for one of our initial dates. It's close and all boarded up now where I found out that the company I work for have bought that land and will demolish it. The restaurant was a small family run business and had been there for over 30 years. It's made me feel really sad.

 

Also, there was a Christmas market on that my ex and I went to a couple of years ago. We had a great time. As a wandered around today, I started looking for the old stalls we went to where at one point I found I was looking out for her even though she is probably miles away.

 

I don't feel that I'm moving on or know what that means. I've read about NC helping with healing where I've stuck to it since the split but feel worse now that I ever did.

 

This is the first time I've felt this way about someone and really having a difficult time at the moment. What I've realised is that to move on you WANT to have to move on but I don't seem to be able to.

[arwen]

I'm sorry you feel so down. It's always kind of sad when you see a place being torn down that carries so many memories, and I think that the holiday season can esp. be a time in which you are more reminded of the ex. I don't know, I am not going through a break up... I always feel very melancholic around these days too.

 

As for moving on. I think you are 100% right about that it has to be something you want. It seems like you have not gotten to a point of acceptance yet. The hardest thing that is sort of a prerequisite for letting go is to first accept that you're gonna have to. It's no problem that you're not there yet. However, if there are specific things that you do that make it even harder to let go, I'd start out by stopping that. You're not in touch with her at all are you? How about stuff of hers in your house? Would it help you to redecorate your house a bit, create sort of a new setting for yourself?

[HereIGoAgain]

Have had a little contact in the form of a birthday card from her. Also, had a text from her when she found out I had been ill. I've replied out of courtesy with no hidden meanings, just a simple thank you in both cases. No other contact since the day of the split.

 

I put all of the things that reminded me of her away the day after the split. Also, I'm not on Facebook so cannot see her page on FB and have no idea what she is doing or if she has found someone else. I would like to know what she's up to but I do know that her life is none of my business now and let her be.

 

Even though I've stuck to NC I think it's been a waste of time because there will be no further contact anyway, what's done is done. Find that hard to accept that after 4 years it is the end.

 

I guess that because it was my first relationship it will be the hardest to get over where one has to find their own way to deal with the first break up. Once you've accomplished that, subsequent ones are easier to do because you know what measures it takes to heal. This occurred to me based on what my ex said on our last day where she told me she had plans for going out with friends over the couple of days to keep herself busy. This was her way to get me out of her system.

[samantha20]

I just want you to know that I know exactly how you feel, I broke up with my ex this year and I think it's the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. I didn't believe that NC worked either. After the first few months of NC I felt worse than ever and thought I would never move on. I 'ran away to sea' to work on cruise ships and continued the NC, and slowly but surely it IS working. When I think about my ex I feel a bit sad, but not a complete wreck like I was. I can see so much more clearly now about how she doesn't deserve me and I'm finally starting to feel free. That sickening anxiety has gone from my stomach, and for the first time she isn't the first thing I think about when I wake up or the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. She passes through my mind occasionally but I find strength in the knowledge that every day my feelings for her fade a little bit more. Your ex will fade from your mind the less you speak to her I promise. I've just been through it. If she has no part in your life anymore she can't continue to consume your thoughts. Please carry on with the NC and avoid any place that will trigger memories of her. Good luck and please trust that what I'm saying is true.